Introspection: My Life as an SWCM

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My Life as an SWCM

You call me Teacher and Lord - and you are right, for that is what I am.  So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.  For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.  Very truly, I tell you, servants are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them.

John 13:13-16 (NRSV)

When you're fighting to believe

In a love that you can't see

Just know there is a purpose

For those who wait

From "For Those Who Wait" by Fireflight

Several years ago, I took a spiritual gift assessment at my home church.  While taking a spiritual gift assessment, a person reads a series of statements and places by each statement a number indicating how much he or she resonates with it.  Certain statements correspond to certain spiritual gifts.  When a total for each spiritual gift is calculated, the gifts for which a person has the highest scores are likely the spiritual gifts the person has been given.

Earlier this month, to complete the coursework necessary to be certified as a Lay Speaker in the United Methodist Church, I took a class on spiritual gifts.  In preparation for this class, I had to complete another spiritual gift assessment.  As I took the assessment, I noticed that there were statements about things like marriage, relationships, and sex, and I began to suspect that what is so glibly called the "gift of singleness" might be included as a spiritual gift in this particular assessment.  This is a gift I've never really wanted to possess - it's the type of gift for which I hope God kept the receipt - but lately I've been wondering if I might actually be called to singleness.

As I started tallying up my score for each spiritual gift, I saw that singleness was indeed listed as a gift on the assessment.  Dr. Charles V. Bryant, the one who developed the assessment, defines the spiritual gift of singleness as "the ability to offer God and the church a life free from marriage, family responsibilities, and sexual frustrations to spend time and energies necessary for certain Christian ministries."¹  The inclusion of this gift is not without a Scriptural basis.  Jesus himself said that marriage is not for everyone, and St. Paul noted that, without the demands of marriage, an unattached person is free to dedicate his or her entire life to God's work.²

Ultimately, my second spiritual gift assessment served as a reaffirmation of the gifts I discovered several years ago - knowledge and teaching - and it uncovered another gift in me I did not realize was a spiritual gift - humor.  To my relief, my score for the gift of singleness was not very high.  Though I do enjoy the freedom that singleness affords me, there are certain aspects of the non-single life I hope to someday enjoy.

Despite Scripture's affirmation of unmarried people, single people are generally marginalized in the Church, at least in my neck of the woods.  In my culture, churches are typically structured for married couples and families.

I am not the only single Christian who feels this way.  On social media, I follow a certain magazine that is geared toward Christian young adults.  I've noticed that a seemingly disproportionate percentage of articles featured on this publication's website is dedicated to helping unmarried Christians cope with the fact that they're single.  The editors of this publication would not see any need to offer this steady stream of reassurance to single Christians if the rest of the Church was not giving them a complex.

Before I started attending my current church, I attended a much larger church for a few months.  During that time, I began to think that what's called "men's ministry" actually had nothing to do with me, despite the fact that I am indeed a man.  For example, on one Sunday morning, I attended a men's breakfast, and the speaker that morning talked about a man's place in the household.  Disagreements with the speaker's perspective on gender roles aside, the message didn't really apply to me since I am neither a father nor a husband.  What is a man to infer about a church's definition of manhood if all of the church's functions for men are geared specifically toward husbands and fathers?  All men might be invited, but not all men belong.

I've been attending my current church since Easter, and the longer I stay, the more enchanted with it I become.  In the last couple of months, I've gotten involved with the church's United Methodist Men's group.  Unlike most of the men in the group, I have no wife or children, but I do not feel out of place, because this men's group, unlike others, is focused specifically on service.  In the past, this group has participated in construction projects for families in need, and the group is currently looking for other ways to reach out to the community.  In this group, to be a man is to be a servant.

I find it ironic that, for many Christian men, "Christian manhood" is centered around being a husband and a father, when Jesus Christ - the One from whom we get the word Christian - was, as far as we know, neither a husband nor a father.  Jesus was, by His own admission, a servant.  He once said that "the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve,"³ and He demonstrated this truth one evening when He knelt down and washed His disciples dirty feet.⁴  Because Christ was a servant, anyone who seeks to follow in His footsteps, whether male or female, must also be a servant.

Someday I hope to be a husband and maybe a father, but this wish may or may not come true.  Regardless of my marital status, I can always be a servant, and I must be a servant if I am to be a man like Jesus.  Right now, I'm glad that I have a group of friends with whom I can grow as a servant.

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If you have experienced singleness in the Church, I invite you to share your experience in the comment section, especially if your experience has been different from mine or if you have a perspective different from that of a white male who attends a mainline protestant church.


Notes:

1. Charles V. Bryant.  Your Spiritual Gifts Inventory.  1997, Upper Room Books.  p. 27
2. See Matthew 19:10-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:32-35.  These references and others were provided in the assessment.
3. Mark 10:45 (NRSV)
4. John 13:1-11

The photograph of the leaf is public domain.