Introspection: Another Cowardly Disciple

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Another Cowardly Disciple

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross, and follow me.  All who want to save their lives will lose them.  But all who lose their lives because of me will find them."

Matthew 16:24-25 (CEB)

Oh my soul, Oh my Savior
Peter denied You three times
I have denied You more

From "What Have We Done?" by Kings Kaleidoscope

For the last couple of years, during Holy Week, I read about Jesus' fateful "last week" in Jerusalem.  From Palm Sunday through Easter Sunday, I read about Jesus' triumphal entry into the city, clash the religious institution, Last Supper with the Disciples, arrest, trial, crucifixion, and resurrection from one of the Gospels.  Last year, when I read about these events from the Gospel of Luke, I kept the politics of the time and region in mind.  This year, when I read about these events from the Gospel of Matthew, I read through a more religious lens.

I read about the actions of Jesus in Jerusalem, particularly His cleansing the temple and His theologically battling with the religious leaders, as an assault on the religious establishment of His day.

On the day after Jesus rode into Jerusalem to the joyous shouts of the people who traveled with Him, He barged into the temple, turned over the tables of the people exchanging currency, and turned over the chairs of the people selling animals for sacrifice.  He said, "It's written, My house will be called a house of prayer.  But you've made it a hideout for crooks."¹  Jesus' actions were essentially a protest against the corruption of the religious institution.  By comparing the temple to a "hideout for crooks," Jesus was saying that the religious leaders were not promoting scriptural justice but were instead harboring injustice.²

The next morning, Jesus was hungry.  He found a fig tree, but, when He looked for figs, He found nothing but leaves.  He cursed the fig tree, and it immediately withered, to the amazement of His disciples.³  That fig tree was symbolic of the religious institution of Jesus' day.⁴  In Jesus' eyes, both were outwardly beautiful but essentially fruitless.

Later that day, the religious leaders confronted Jesus over the stunt He pulled in the temple, asking Him where He received the authority to do what He did.  Jesus didn't answer their question.  Instead, He responded with a series of parables that suggested that the religious leaders were hypocritical, derelict in their duty, and utterly disinterested in what God was doing.  The religious leaders struck back by asking Jesus a series of loaded questions, hoping to trap Him with His words, but He evaded their traps with His brilliant answers.  Finally, in front of His followers, He launched into a screed about the hypocrisy of the religious leaders.⁵

Sometimes, when we read the biblical story, the biblical story reads us back.  Naturally, I read about Jesus' actions as an attack on the religious system of His day, because I have problems with the religious system of my day.  In my eyes, much of American Christianity is rotten to the core.  So many Christians in America seem to care more about supporting certain political interests and less about actually carrying on the work of Christ.  The Gospel story, which is meant to be liberating and life-giving, is twisted and weaponized against people.  All that said, I don't do very much to combat the corruption of Christianity in America.  I either address such matters on this blog so vaguely that nobody really knows what I mean or subconsciously keep my readership small so that I don't have to face pushback.

Later that week in Jerusalem, Jesus, knowing that He would soon be arrested, tried, and crucified, went to a place called Gethsemane to pray.  He prayed, "My Father, if it's possible, take this cup of suffering away from me.  However - not what I want but what you want."⁶  Jesus didn't want to face the suffering that awaited Him, but He wanted to do God's will.  On Maundy Thursday, as I reflected on this prayer, the thought occurred to me that Jesus would not have to face this "cup of suffering" if He had not rocked the proverbial boat.  Jesus did what He did that week, knowing that it would cost Him His life.  Were His actions really worth it?

The next day, on Good Friday, I read about Jesus suffering, death, and burial, and I began to lament my lack of courage.  I have problems with the religious institution of my day, but, unlike Jesus, I don't have the courage to flip over proverbial tables and call out the liars, grifters, and political shills who lead churches.  I'm afraid of facing the consequences of speaking my mind.  On Good Friday, I found myself another cowardly disciple afraid to take up his own cross, not unlike the ones who abandoned and denied Jesus when He was arrested.⁷

"Then he cursed and swore, 'I don't know the man!'" (Mt 26:74a)

On Easter Sunday, I read about the Resurrection.  One morning, a couple of days after Jesus was crucified, two women visited His tomb and learned that He had been resurrected from the dead.  They encountered the risen Jesus, and relayed instructions to His disciples to meet Him in Galilee.⁸  When the Disciples met Jesus atop a mountain in Galilee, He said to them, "I've received all authority in heaven and on earth.  Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything that I've commanded you.  Look, I myself will be with you every day until the end of this present age."⁹

Jesus' commissioning the Disciples put things into perspective for me.  Jesus did not tell the Disciples to keep flipping tables.  He told them to go and make disciples.  If I am indeed a disciple of Jesus, then I need to be using my spiritual gifts to make and strengthen other disciples and not looking for a fight.  That said, there may very well come a time when I am required to take a stand, as Jesus did and as His first disciples eventually did, and at that time I will need to be courageous.  As Jesus said, "All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross, and follow me."¹⁰

May God give us all the clarity to do what God has called us to do and the courage to do what we are required to do.


Notes:

1. Matthew 21:1-13 (CEB)
2. Marcus Borg and John Dominic Crossan.  The Last Week: What the Gospels Really Teach About Jesus's Final Days in Jerusalem.  2006, HarperOne.  p. 49
3. Matthew 21:18-20 (CEB)
4. Borg and Crossan, p. 56
5. Matthew 21:23-23:36
6. Matthew 26:36-39 (CEB)
7. Matthew 26:56b
8. Matthew 28:1-10
9. Matthew 28:16-20 (CEB)
10. Matthew 16:24 (CEB)

The Denial of St. Peter was painted by Gerard van Honthorst around 1623.