Introspections

Introspections
(Looking Inward)

I call these "Introspections" because they are personal stories in which I have looked within and seen God at work in my life or the need for God in my life. I share these stories, hoping that you, the reader, might benefit from my experiences and gain some insights into your own life.

2021
  • Unfinished Business - Now that life is finally returning to normal, I have some unfinished business to which I need to attend.
  • The Playground - My image of God the Father has changed over the last few months.
  • Normal? - My only New Year's resolution was to be vaccinated as soon as possible and to wait for life to return to some semblance of normal.  It turned out that my waiting would not be long.
2020
  • New Year's Eve 2020 - Normally I share some final thoughts at the end of the year.  After this year, all I have to say is that we would do well not to take anything for granted.
  • Thank You, Dad - My father died in late October.  Looking back, I see that, though we didn't always get along, he was there for me when I needed him.
  • Courage, Caution, and Contagion - My goal was to cultivate courage this year.  What does that even mean in the midst of a pandemic?
  • God Provided - Writing has been a struggle for me lately.
  • Not Normal and Not Ideal - Nothing is ideal right now, but maybe things don't always have to be ideal.
  • Ten Years - My spiritual life seems stagnant right now, like all aspects of my life.  I need to look back on my story, past my feelings about the present.
  • Inertia - I have a lot of conflicting feelings right now.
  • At Home - I didn't really want to start spending so much time at home, but I haven't really hated it.
  • Sticking Together - I was not eager to embrace online video conferencing, but it just might be one of the things keeping me sane right now.  Though we have to physically separated from others because of the pandemic, we must not allow ourselves to become isolated.
  • And Life Ground to a Halt - Life has changed a lot in the last few weeks.
  • The Courage I Seek - The kind of courage I'm seeking this year has nothing to do with things like skydiving and bungee jumping.
  • My Eleven-Year Identity Crisis - I couldn't accept myself as I was, so I sought to become something I wasn't.
2019
  • Am I Enough? - For the year 2019, my personal goal was to cultivate some self-worth.  Was I successful?
  • My Painfully Comfortable Life - I complain that my life is not what I want it to be, but maybe there is a reason my life is like it is.
  • No Longer Untouchable - Sometimes healing involves disproving the lies we believe about ourselves.
  • Showing Myself Grace - If we are meant to show grace to other people, then why should we not show grace to ourselves?
  • Rethinking Destiny - Was each of us born for a unique and specific purpose?  I've wrestled with this question in the past, and I've come back to it again recently.
  • Back in the Groove - I've been feeling disconnected from myself lately.  Maybe one reason is that I've quit doing things I once enjoyed doing.
  • Death by Nostalgia - I'm starting to think that one reason I've been feeling stuck in life is that I've been living in the past.
  • For a Reason - Though I consider the idea that "everything happens for a reason" problematic, when I look back on my life, I cannot help but think that maybe some things happen for a reason.
  • Changing the Tapes - Tapes can be ejected - maybe even the tapes that play in our heads.
  • This Winding Path (2019) - Maybe the possibility of conflict in life is not a bug but rather a feature.
  • Anger, Grief, and Malfunctioning Electronics - Why have I felt so angry lately?  Sometimes the problem is merely a symptom.
  • Claimed and Loved - Perhaps one key to cultivating a sense self-worth is remembering who we are in God's eyes.
2018
  • A Year of Gratitude - I made a New Year's resolution to become more grateful, and, over the course of a year, I learned a lot as I practiced gratitude daily.
  • Gone Fishing - A few years ago, I hit a wall.  Some of us, when we hit a wall, give up and go fishing.
  • Well Pleased? - Does God really love us?  Or does God merely put up with us?
  • God Help Me, I Can't Help You! - I've done a lot of things I didn't want to do, because I find it difficult to say no to people.  This way of living has taken it's toll on me, and now I struggle to figure out when I should do things for people.
  • The Love of Bridges and the Bridges of Love - I love bridges, and I love my bridge-building church!
  • How (Not) to Be Special - Self-reflection sometimes forces us to face things we might not want to admit about ourselves, but God can make something good out of anything, even our faults and our imperfections.
  • An Easter Fool - I've been a fool, and I want to become even more foolish.
  • Back to the Well - God accepts us, even when we find ourselves unacceptable, and God loves us, even when we struggle to love ourselves.
  • Lessons in Intentionality - In my life, I've learned how important it is to live with intentionality.  If we want to grow spiritually, we must be intentional about it.
  • Lessons in Gratitude - I made a New Year's resolution to become more grateful.  Since then, I've learned a few things about gratitude.
2017
  • Looking Back - Sometimes I feel like my life is going nowhere, but, when I look back, I can see how far I have come.  Perhaps I cannot always trust my feelings.
  • Moments of Grace - God has been gracious to me, even when I've "lost my religion," so to speak.
  • Sandwiches I Didn't Enjoy - The late singer-songwriter Warren Zevon encouraged people to "enjoy every sandwich."  Looking back, I can see that there were a lot of sandwiches I did not enjoy.
  • Lines in the Sand - In a world where people are quick to draw lines in the sand and pick sides, we must not forget where our loyalties belong.
  • My Testimony in Two Words - Two words describe two simultaneous yet seemingly contradictory realities in my life.  Life is messy.  I know mine is, at least.
  • Goodbye, Bethel UMC - In late July of 2017, I said goodbye to the church I attended for most of my life
  • Teach Me to Pray - For some people, prayer seems to come naturally.  Other people, like me, need a little help.  Thank God for the traditions of the Church.
  • Something I Lost - What are you seeking in life right now?  As for me, I'm looking for something I lost.
2016
  • Listen to Your Heart(ache) - It has been said that sometimes we need pain to move forward in life, but what if we're pain averse?
  • My Life as an SWCM - Like many unmarried Christians, I have felt marginalized in the Church, yet all Christians, married and unmarried, have the same calling.
  • A Simple Act of Inclusion - A simple act of inclusion can make a big difference in a person's life.
  • A Time of Stagnation - In the last couple of years, something about my life has seemed stagnant, but maybe the problem lies in my outlook.
  • A Time of Growth - Sometimes it's nice to look back at times of growth and change in our lives.
  • Dancing with Words on a Date with Destiny - Perhaps we are created for a purpose.  Perhaps purpose is something we create.  In either case, we crave purpose in life.
  • Through My Glasses, Darkly (2016) - Sometimes, on this journey called life, the road ahead of us becomes hazy.  An old story about losing my glasses was a reminder to trust in God amid the haziness.
  • Do I Want to Get Well? - "Do you want to get well?" is probably one of the most probing and convicting questions Jesus ever asked.
  • Now What? (2016) - For the last two years, I preached on Ascension Sunday.  Since no churches required my services this year, I preached to myself, asking "Now what?" in the context of my life today.
  • Check Engine - On a day when my car started acting up, I was reminded that some problems require more than one set of eyes.
  • Does Jesus Take the Wheel? - Christians often hear messages about "giving God control."  What does that even mean?
  • Something Meaningful - King Solomon got everything he ever wanted and came to the conclusion that everything in life is meaningless.  I disagree with Solomon: I have seen things in life that are meaningful.
2015
2014
  • A Heavy Load to Bear - Jesus once made the comment that the religious leaders lay heavy loads on people, yet I've found that laying heavy loads on people is part and parcel to teaching spiritual truths.
  • Not in Kansas Anymore - I attend a church in exile: though it has not changed its location, its location has changed around it.
  • Glimpses of God - Can a person see God?
  • Wrestling with God's Will - With these thoughts about God's will, I bring a difficult chapter of my life to a close.
  • Who Are You? - Recording my thoughts in a daily journal has given me the chance to reflect on my beliefs, my perceptions of God, and how both have changed over the last few years.
  • Who Am I to Speak of Unity? - An unfortunate encounter with a fellow Christian whom I consider divisive made me realize the divisiveness in my own heart.
  • Living in the Dissonance - The Golden Rule is simple on paper but difficult in practice, especially when what you once would have had others do unto you might have been unreasonable.
  • I Want Clean Water for My Birthday - I don't like the taste of tap water, but at least it's drinkable.  There are many people in the world who don't have a blessing many of us take for granted on a daily basis.
  • It's Not All About Us - Why do we do the good things that we do?  For love?  Or for other reasons?  This is a question that has come back to me lately.
  • God of the Valley - In my life, I have experienced both mountaintops and valleys, and, looking back, I see that God has been with me through it all.
2013
  • '13 - I look back at a somewhat turbulent year.
  • The (Hum)Bug in My Ear - For the past few years at Christmastime, I find myself wishing that people cared as much about helping the poor as they do about buying Christmas presents and wishing that people were as concerned about honoring Christ as they are about some so-called "war on Christmas."
  • Broken Glass - Is our ability to forgive somehow related to our ability to receive forgiveness?
  • Waiting for Aldersgate - Why do I stay in the Church when I feel like an utter failure as a Christian?
  • Amazing(ly) (Painful) Grace - The descent from one's judgmental mountaintop is a painful, violent experience, but, in the midst, there is grace.
  • Hands to Grab - It is important to have faith, but do we, perhaps, need the faith of other people as well?
  • I Can't Do It (and That's Alright) - Perhaps being a person who always does what he or she is supposed to do isn't such a good thing after all.
  • Why I Envy the Prodigal Son - Jesus once told a story of a man who had two sons, a "bad son" who left home and screwed up his life and a "good son" who stayed at home did what he was supposed to do. All my life, I have been like the "good son," but I find myself envying the "bad son."
  • Love and Potato Salad - I have faced a lot of romantic rejection in the past, but I have learned to not take it personally. Some people just don't like potato salad.
2012
  • There Is No Wonderwall - Romantic love is a good thing to seek in life, but do people seek lovers or saviors?
  • I've Always Been Thirsty - I always thought that a person should seek God for unselfish reasons, but, looking back on my own walk of faith, I realized that I've always been in need of something from God.
  • Quoth Charlie Brown, "I Got a Rock" - When my Bible study group studied the spiritual themes of the Peanuts comic strip, I realized that I have a lot in common with Charlie Brown.
  • Grumpy Neighbors, Corrupt Judges, and Insurance Companies - The aftermath of my car accident did not bring out the best in me, but it did remind me of God's gracious nature.
  • Screeching Tires and Grace - A recent car accident has been a source of frustration and anger for me, but it has also proven to be a reminder of grace.
  • The World Is a Miracle - Have you ever experienced a miracle? I believe I have experienced a few in my life. Then again, maybe miracles are happening all around us all the time.
  • Letters to Myself - In 2002, before I graduated from high school, I wrote a letter to myself to be read ten years later.  Having just received that letter, I wrote a letter back to my eighteen-year-old self.
  • The Purpose(less) (un)Driven Life - In a past life, I was a jellyfish.  What I mean is that, for much of my life, I lived without purpose. I lived to regret this fact. I wish I could turn back time and change this, but all I can do is to move forward.
  • Until the Ending is Written - Realizing that a story I had written didn't have a proper ending made me think about life in general.
  • Strive Less, Dance More - On Ash Wednesday of 2012, something inside me died, and I have been dancing on its grave ever since.
  • For Better or For Worse - Looking back on my own search for love, I realize that I have gotten a lot of things wrong.
  • Why I Do This - Having posted little introspective writing as of late, I decided to reflect on why I keep this blog.
2011
  • Homecoming - Attending Homecoming at my alma mater gave me the chance to reflect on the changes in my life.
  • A Legion of Voices - Negativity toward myself is a demon I fight on a regular basis, but Christ is fighting my demons alongside me.
  • This Winding Path - There are a lot of things in this life that I don't understand.  Maybe that's alright.
  • A Time to Let Go - "For everything there is a season..."  A time to hold on and a time to let go.
  • Balancing Act - People tend to ignore the fourth commandment, but I am beginning to see that it is as important as ever.
  • Chosen - Does God love all people, or only a select few?
  • God's Gift to Someone - I learned a long time ago that I am not exactly "God's gift to women." I'm starting to think that perhaps I am God's gift to someone.
  • What Forgiveness Means to Me - Is there someone you have trouble forgiving?  In the past, I didn't realize what it truly means to forgive. Perhaps you have the same problem.
  • Pushing and Pulling - What is the difference between perfectionism and true perfection? It is the difference between pushing and pulling.
2010
  • Hidden Clutter - Brokenness is a lot like clutter in a messy room: hiding it won't make it go away.
  • Where Are You, God? - Have you ever been angry with God? Did you talk with Him about it?
  • My Longing, My Prayer - Hannah wanted a child more than anything else in the world, but she was unable to have children. At this time in my life, I do not want children, but, in a strange way, I can relate to her.
  • Through My Glasses, Darkly - Losing my glasses reminded me of my need for God to open my eyes so that I can see His will for my life.
  • Signed, Sealed, and Delivered - I have a lot of faults, but God has a lot of grace.
  • Excess Baggage - Bitterness is probably one of my greatest spiritual problems, which is a shame because I have been forgiven so many times.
  • Step Up - Do you ever feel as though there are some things that you are unworthy to do?  Should worthiness even matter?
  • It's About Us - What does the Bible mean to you?
  • Re-cut, Repainted, and Unscrewed - Frustrations at a workcamp reminded me of the grace God has given me over the years.
  • If I Only Had a Time Machine - Do you ever wish that you could go back in time?  I know that there are things I would like to change about my own past.
  • Who's Judging Whom? - While on a business trip, I was reminded of my tendency to be judgmental.
  • Spiritual Detox - Just as there are substances that poison our bodies, there are substances that poison our souls.
  • The Voices in My Head - Sometimes I feel like I have voices in my head. These voices tell me not to believe in myself. Maybe you have voices like this too. It is time for the voices to stop!
  • Lesson From a Ladybug - It took a ladybug to remind me of where I need to place my priorities.
2009
  • Highs and Lows - In this life we have ups and downs, highs and lows, mountaintops and valleys. No matter where your journey takes you, there is one thing that never changes.
  • Adapt or Amputate - Shame is a disease that cripples one's very soul. The way I see it, there are two ways to cure this disease.
  • There Is No I in Christ - One day when I volunteered to participate in a mission project, things did not go as I had expected, but I learned a very important lesson.
  • I Kissed Hopelessness Goodbye - Once upon a time, I dreamed of finding love, but life did not go the way I had wanted. One day, I found a reason to hope again.
  • My Enemy - I began my career as a computer programmer in a job that I hated. At the time, I saw my boss as my enemy. Looking back, I realized who my true enemy was.
  • Skydiving with God - A lot of people look at faith as eternal fire insurance, but I have come to believe that faith is a lot more like jumping out of an airplane.
  • Praying Outward - Have you ever thought about which directions you send your prayers? Maybe you should.
  • Jellyfish and Currents - One day I was walking on the beach. I looked down at a jellyfish and saw myself.
  • Open My Eyes - An imagined conversation with God made me realize that I need to open my eyes to the reality around me.

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