Introspection: Goodbye, Bethel UMC

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Goodbye, Bethel UMC

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.  For if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and falls and does not have another to help.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NRSV)

Now, don't hang on

Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky

It slips away

And all your money won't another minute buy

From "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas

Jacob was on the run.  He had cheated his brother a second time, and now his brother wanted blood.¹  He stopped for the night, and, using a rock as a pillow, he went to sleep.  As Jacob dreamed, he saw a ladder that extended up to heaven, and he watched as angels ascended and descended the ladder.  He heard the voice of God, who promised to bless him, to protect him, and to someday bring him back to his homeland.  When Jacob awoke, he exclaimed, "Surely the Lord is in this place - and I did not know it!"  He used the rock on which he had slept to build a monument, and he named the place Bethel, which means "House of God."²

Years later, Jacob returned to Bethel with his family to worship the God who met him there.³

On a Wednesday afternoon in the middle of June, I left work early to go to a dentist appointment.  Two weeks earlier, the dentist found several cavities that needed to be filled.  On that same day, a special meeting was held at Bethel United Methodist Church, the church I attended for most of my life, to discuss the future of the church.  After my appointment, I called my mom to ask how the meeting went.

She informed me that Bethel would soon close.

The last few years have been difficult for me, and the closure of my home church is just the latest in a series of painful losses in my life.  Though I had stopped regularly attending Bethel nearly two years ago, I could still go back to visit any time I wanted.  In fact, I've gone back to fill in for the pastor on a number of occasions.  Soon I will no longer have such opportunities.  With that in mind, I decided to start attending Bethel again until the day it closes, to say goodbye to my home church and to be with the congregation during this difficult time.  I've even had the opportunity to teach Sunday school a couple of times.

The story of Creation, as told by the stained glass windows
at Bethel United Methodist Church

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about Bethel.  Often the youngest person in a small, aging congregation, I felt that my needs were not always met, so I was frequently turning to early contemporary services and young adult Bible studies at other churches.  I was frustrated that I had to juggle numerous roles in the church, many of which I had no business filling.  I look back with disappointment and even anger at the times when problems in the church fractured the congregation and kept the church from succeeding in ministry.  When I learned that Bethel was closing, I felt guilty for abandoning my church and for failing to do so many things that might have helped my church.

This morning, during Bethel's penultimate service, the people of the congregation had the opportunity to share some words of remembrance.  For me, the service was an opportunity to look past my regrets and my frustrations and to remember why I am thankful, for Bethel played an important part in my spiritual journey.  The good does not negate the bad; but neither does the bad negate the good.  Both are held in a messy tension with each other.

The sanctuary of Bethel United Methodist Church
before the penultimate service

What follows is what I said to the congregation this morning.

For eleven long years of my life, I attended a Christian school attached to a fundamentalist church.  From the time I entered the second grade through my senior year of high school, I had to follow some very stringent rules, and I was frequently exposed to guilt-inducing preaching and "hellfire and brimstone" evangelism.  My hair was checked monthly to ensure it was the proper length; I was constantly warned about the evils of rock music; and periodically I was asked in chapel - "with every head bowed and every eye closed" - to raise my hand if I was certain that I would to heaven if I died.

By the time I graduated from high school, I knew that I needed to be a Christian - or else - but I wasn't quite sure I really wanted to be a Christian.  I felt that I had to choose between being a "real Christian" and actually enjoying my life, and, truth be told, I feared hell more than I loved Jesus.  At that time, I didn't really know very much about Methodism, but I had been attending Bethel United Methodist Church on Sunday mornings ever since I was in utero.  What I did know was that this church was, for lack of a better term, a safe place.  I knew that, at Bethel, I would not be burdened with a bunch of strict, petty rules and that I probably would not be threatened with eternal damnation.  Bethel was a safe place for me to continue attending church while I figured out what it meant to be a Christian.

I attended college, where my perceptions of Christianity changed radically.  Many of the things I had been taught at school were deconstructed; I met other Methodists my own age; I came to see that enjoying life was not incompatible with following Jesus; and I learned things about the Methodist tradition that I loved.  What I failed to do in college was to adequately think through what I really wanted to do with my life.  I chose my major based not on what I loved, but on what was practical.  I chose to study computer science when I probably would have been happier studying religion or philosophy.  I graduated from college, and, a few months later, I ended up working as a software engineer for a casino vendor.  I previously did not have any serious moral objection to gambling, but I soon found that the shame of working in such a godless industry followed me everywhere I went, like a foul odor.  Over time, I came to realize that my employers wanted a lot more from me than I was willing to give them.

For months I prayed that God would get me out of my predicament.  As I started to rethink my purpose in life, I somehow came up with the utterly ridiculous idea that I should try new things like preaching and teaching Sunday school.  I had no idea what I was doing, but you, the people of Bethel United Methodist Church, lent me your ears anyway.  You gave me the space I needed to cultivate what turned out to be my spiritual gifts.  I am not certain I would have had such an opportunity in most other churches.  Eventually I was given a way out the job I hated, and I was given the opportunity to take a programming job in higher education, a job in which I could take pride.  I continued to preach and teach here, and you continued to listen to me and encourage me.  Because you all believed in me, I was recently approved to be certified as a Lay Speaker.

About two years ago, my life's journey led me away from this congregation, but I want you all to know that, since then, I have attended church every week I was able to do so.  The habit of regular church attendance is ingrained into me, because my mother and my grandparents made sure that I was here at Bethel United Methodist Church every week as I grew up.  Over the years, I have learned more and more the importance of being in fellowship with other Christians.

I say these things not to brag but to express the fact that I owe a lot to you, the congregation of Bethel United Methodist Church.  As Christians, we need each other, because the journey of faith is not a journey we were ever meant to take by ourselves.  I have a long way to go on my own journey of faith, and any progress I have made on my journey I owe to the people who believed in me, walked with me, encouraged me, taught me, pushed me, and gave me room to grow.  You are among these people, and this morning I want to offer you all my heartfelt thanks and to leave you with some words from the message to the Hebrews,
Let's hold on to the confession of our hope without wavering, because the one who made the promises is reliable.
And let us consider each other carefully for the purpose of sparking love and good deeds.  Don't stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing.  Instead, encourage each other, especially as you see the day drawing near.⁴

Thank you all for everything you have done for me.  May God bless all of you on your journeys ahead.

From time to time, people ask whether or not someone really needs to go to church in order to be a Christian.  We can debate what "church" is - a building, an event, an organization, a community, or some combination - and we can discuss whether or not all the things that are currently associated with churches are actually necessary or beneficial.  What I think is undeniable is the reality that we are better off journeying with others through life.  As I said to my congregation, the journey of faith is not a journey we were ever meant to take by ourselves.  Following in the footsteps of Christ can be difficult and even treacherous at times, so we Christians need each other whether we like it or not.

I read the passage from Hebrews because I think it highlights why believers need to be in fellowship with each other.  First, in a world where a constant barrage of bad news can leave us feeling hopeless, we need to hear the Gospel story proclaimed on a regular basis so that we are constantly reminded of why we have hope.  Second, we need be around people who will bring out the best in us by challenging us to become more loving, more compassionate, and more generous, lest we grow complacent by ourselves.  Third, we need to be around people who will encourage us, because life has a way of grinding us down.

Next week, the congregation of Bethel United Methodist Church will hold their final service.  The building in which we met will hopefully be bought by the new Anglican congregation with whom we have recently been sharing space.  I will return to Travelers Rest United Methodist Church, where I had been attending church for more than a year, and I will likely become a member.  I will continue my life with an ache in my heart, knowing that another part of my life and my past is gone.

The building in which the congregation
of Bethel United Methodist Church met

Notes:

1. Genesis 27
2. Genesis 28:10-22 (NRSV)
3. Genesis 35:1-4
4. Hebrews 10:23-25 (CEB)

The photographs featured in this introspection were taken by me at Bethel United Methodist Church before and after the penultimate service.