Introspection: Changing the Tapes

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Changing the Tapes

We destroy arguments and every proud obstacle raised up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to obey Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 (NRSV)

You tear me down
And then you pick me up
You take it all
And still it's not enough
You try to tell me
You can heal me
But I'm still bleeding
And you'll be the death of me

From "Death of Me" by RED

As I've written previously, my goal for the year is to cultivate a sense of self-worth and to hopefully gain some self-confidence in the process.  One of the steps I'm taking to achieve my goal is to complete a course on dignity developed by pastor turned life coach Steve Austin.  This course offers ten steps and techniques one can use to build up one's sense of self worth.  Many involve growing in self-awareness and changing one's mindset.¹

One step is to change one's inner dialogue.

A lot of people, myself included, compare recurring negative self-talk to tapes that play in our heads.  I'm actually old enough to have listened to audio cassettes when I was a child.  One helpful feature on a cassette player is the eject button.  One does not have to listen to the same cassette tape over and over again for the rest of one's life.  One can simply press the eject button to pop out one cassette and then insert another one.

Perhaps it's also possible to change the proverbial tapes that play in our heads.

Steve Austin prescribes a three-step process for dealing with our negative inner dialogue.  The first step is to take notice of the negative messages going through our heads.  The second step is to challenge these messages, demanding evidence to determine whether or not they are really true.  The third step is to replace the negative message with a positive message.²

I've applied this process a number of times, and I think it's starting to sink in.

One Saturday last month, I took a walk around my Alma Mater.  As I eyed the school's famous bell tower, I felt the ache I started feeling while walking around the campus after I graduated.  I wondered if I simply miss my days as a student or if maybe I'm feeling drawn toward the world of academia.  I then thought to myself that I could never be a professor.  I could never make it through four more years of college courses, write and defend a dissertation, and then effectively teach college students.

I took notice of what I was saying to myself and then reminded myself that I've already done things I once considered beyond my ability.  Furthermore, I already know that I can teach, since I've been a Sunday school teacher for a number of years.  I have even taught a short course on my denomination's history twice, and I was told by a number of people that I did a good job.  I began to think that maybe I can become a professor if I decide that is the path I want to take and then fully apply myself to it.  I also began to consider that maybe I should seek other opportunities to teach.

As I've noted numerous times in the past, I spend a lot of time in coffee shops.  Sometimes, when I sit down, someone who was already seated nearby leaves.  In such cases, I typically think that she must have left because of me.  Recently, I started reminding myself that, because I don't know everything that is going on in everyone else's life, I cannot assume that someone left just because of me.  It has been said that "every mind is a world."  I also started reminding myself that there have been instances when someone sat down near me at the same time I either needed to start heading somewhere else or just happened to finish my coffee.

When I think that I'm just spinning my wheels in life, I remind myself that what I do matters more than I think it does.  When I think that my best days are behind me, I remind myself that I do not know what lies ahead of me.  When I think that I am a loser, I remind myself that I have more going for me than I think I have.  Ultimately, I hope to replace all thoughts that I am not enough with thoughts that I am enough.

St. Paul once wrote about "tak[ing] every thought captive to obey Christ."  Maybe this includes dealing with the negative thoughts that would prevent us from being who we're meant to be and doing what we're meant to do.³

The great Catholic thinker Henri Nouwen wrote in an era before the word blessed was spelled with a hash mark.  Nowadays people associate blessings with luck, wealth, or privilege, but, in the book Life of the Beloved, Nouwen defines a blessing as a benediction, a good word spoken over a person, an affirmation of the truth that the person is a beloved child of God.  One's toxic inner dialogue, on the other hand, is a curse, the opposite of a blessing.  Nouwen suggests that we can leave the "land of the cursed" and claim our blessedness by listening to God's blessing upon us through prayer and by being present to receive other people's blessings upon us.⁴

I think the practice of changing the proverbial tapes in my head might actually be taking root, because I actually found myself correcting some of my own inner dialogue a few days ago.  If you, dear reader, struggle with toxic inner dialogue, as I do, may you start using the eject button and replace the tapes with something better.  May you always heed the words of blessing being spoken over you, that you are a beloved child of God.


Notes:

1. You can find this course on dignity at Steve Austin's website.  You will have to subscribe to Steve's email newsletter to gain access to the course.
2. Steve Austin.  "DIGNITY: How to Change Your Self-Talk."
3. Rob Bell.  "Salt in the Water."  Mars Hill Bible Church, 05/02/2010.
4. Henri J.M. Nouwen.  Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World (Tenth Anniversary Edition).  1992, Crossroad Publishing Company.  pp. 67-83

The photograph of the audio cassette player has been released to the public domain.