Introspection: Why I Worry

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Why I Worry

And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?

Matthew 6:27 (NRSV)

Disregard your inner monologue
Don't try to drown it out
'Cause it'll only wear you out
Sometimes things are just beyond control
That has to be OK
And you don't have a choice

From "Everything Is OK" by Halou

Over the years, I've tried to figure out why so many people, myself included, are so prone to worrying.  At one time, I began to wonder if maybe worry was a form of addiction.  Why else would anyone compulsively do something that feels so unpleasant?  I wondered if maybe some kind of twelve-step program for people who worry was in order - a "Worryholics Anonymous," if you will.  Later on, I began to wonder if maybe people who worry are not addicted to the worry itself but are rather addicted to control.  Worrying, then, would be a withdrawal symptom that control addicts experience when they face situations they cannot control.

I have recently started to suspect that worry might actually be a feeble attempt to exercise control that one does not actually have.  I think that might be what worry is for me, at least.

I'm afraid that I'm not quite as rational as I want people to think I am.

One evening a little over a month ago, when I couldn't stop worrying about something, I found a Psychology Today blog post by Sandra Llera and Michelle Newman, who point out that, despite the negative effects of worrying, "ironically, people often harbor positive beliefs about worrying."  In other words, for some reason, some people apparently think that worry is actually a good thing.  Llera and Newman suggest that, for some people, worrying might seem like a form of problem solving and that some people use worry as a means of emotionally preparing themselves for something bad that might happen.¹

Personally, I can remember recently thinking that not worrying about something was tanamount to simply allowing it to happen, as if my worrying about it was somehow holding it at bay.  Like all people who worry, I realize that the things I worry might happen rarely do happen, but I seem to have mixed up correlation and causation so that I think, perhaps subconsciously, that these bad things don't happen because I worry about them.  I'm not exactly sure why I believe I have this metaphysical influence over the world around me.  Maybe I think that, if God can see how much my worrying about something is making me suffer, then God just might go easy on me and stop it from happening.

After I spent a day worrying about the aforementioned matter last month, I discovered the next day that everything was fine.  Once again, I worried that something bad might happen, and it didn't happen.  One would think that this instance would serve as yet another reminder that worrying about things is pointless, but I think it might have actually had the opposite effect and positively reinforced my tendency to worry.  I worried that something bad might happen, and it didn't happen, perhaps, because I worried about it.

Have I mentioned that I'm not as rational as I want people to think?

Llera and Newman point out that "positive beliefs about worry tend to hold even if things turn out okay."  They write, "Instead of recognizing how much time you just wasted by worrying, you might feel like you've dodged a bullet.  This can also reinforce worrying because the sense of relief feels so good."²  I must admit that the relief I felt last month felt pretty sweet - and maybe even a bit rewarding.

Perhaps what needs to happen is that I worry about something that actually does end up happening so that I can finally see that worrying really doesn't do any good.  If I just look back on my life, I can probably find a number of such instances.

In Feburary of last year, I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that my face was swollen.  The swelling appeared to be centered around one of my sinus cavities, so I suspected that I had a sinus infection.  I'm always somewhat congested, so a sinus infection was a natural guess.  The swelling went away, but my body temperature kept fluctuating, so I ended up getting tested for COVID-19.  The test came back negative.  Over time, it became clear that I had an abscessed tooth.  It wasn't ruining my life, so I just lived with it until my next dental checkup.  The truth is that I avoided going to the dentist because I was worried that I would need a root canal.

It turns out that I didn't need a root canal.  I needed to have my tooth pulled.  What ended up happening was actually worse than what I worried might happen.  I'm currently in the process of having an implant put in.  I've been wearing a temporary false tooth, which is sometimes called a "flipper," so that I don't look like a hillbilly or a hockey player.

I need to get real and just accept that my worrying about things isn't accomplishing anything besides ruining my life.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus urges us to not worry.³  He asks, "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?"⁴  Truth be told, we probably subtract hours from our lifespan by worrying.  In any case, an hour spent worrying is an hour wasted, and time is too precious to waste.  Jesus says, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.  Today's trouble is enough for today."⁵

Praying the serenity prayer regularly has forced me to regularly admit that there are things in my life that are out of my control that I just have to accept - things that I have to trust God to set right.  This prayer is a regular challenge to live in the present moment and a regular reminder that enduring difficult times will ultimately lead to greater peace.

If I want a greater sense of peace in my life, then I need to get worry out of my life.  I need to accept that there are things in my life that are out of my control and that worrying about them will do nothing to change them.  Peace will never be found in a constant futile attempt to control what we cannot accept, but it just might be found in learning to accept what we cannot control.


Notes:

1. Sandra Llera and Michelle Newman.  "The Secret Reason Why You Can't Stop Worrying."  The Courage of Happiness, 11/26/2019.
2. ibid.
3. Matthew 6:25-34
4. Matthew 6:27 (NRSV)
5. Matthew 6:34 (NRSV)

The photograph of the broken tree is used courtesy of pxfuel.com.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Perspective: Hallmarks of the Humble

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Hallmarks of the Humble

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

James 4:10 (CEB)

Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours

Give me open hands and open doors

Put Your light in my eyes and let me see

That my own little world is not about me

From "My Own Little World" by Matthew West

My personal Bible study for the past week, the first week of the year, took me through part of the Epistle of St. James, a letter written by one of Jesus' brothers to some of the early Christians.  A recurring theme I noticed was humility.  At one point, James reminds his readers that "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."¹  He goes on to encourage his readers to humble themselves so that God will build them up.²

Humility is a quality that is elusive and often misunderstood.  It is not, as some might think, the same as self-deprecation or low self-esteem.  It has been suggested that humility is not thinking less of oneself but thinking of oneself less.³  C.S. Lewis suggests that humility is actually a kind of self-forgetfulness.  Lewis also suggests that the moment one notices that one is being humble and starts to congratulate oneself for it, one ceases to be humble.⁴  In other words, humility is not a quality one can claim for oneself.

St. James, in his letter, helps us to see a number of hallmarks or qualities of humble people.


Humble people are peaceable.

James urges his readers to examine what guides their actions, warning them that, if they are guided by such "earthly, unspiritual, devilish" things as "bitter envy" and "selfish ambition," they will create "disorder and wickedness of every kind."⁵  He points out that people who are driven solely by their desires will resort to conflict and even violence to get what they want.⁶  N.T. Wright connects such a disposition to arrogance, the opposite of humility, "that says that my desires come first, that my cause is so important it's worth fighting and killing for."⁷

Humble people, on the other hand, are peaceable, for their actions are not guided solely by their desires, but are guided by a certain wisdom which James describes as "first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy."⁸


Humble people are not judgmental.

James encourages his readers to live according to what he calls the Royal Law, the commandment given to us by Jesus, our King, to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.⁹  He goes on to warns us that, when we speak evil of other people, we are placing ourselves above the Royal Law and setting ourselves up as judge over them.  "There is one lawgiver and judge," James says, referring to God.¹⁰  When we take it upon ourselves to do a job meant solely for God, we are essentially declaring that we are God.  This is the height of arrogance.

Humble people don't judge other people, because they view others as equals and try to treat others as they want to be treated.

I should note that holding someone accountable is not the same as judging.  Judging is a form of condescension, for it happens between a person and someone he or she has deemed inferior.  Accountability, on the other hand, takes place between equals, so it does not violate the Royal Law.  We should be willing to hold other people accountable, and we should also want others to hold us accountable.


Humble people are flexible.

James encourages his readers not to talk about what they will do in the future but to instead talk about what they will do if God wills it.¹¹  People are not always in agreement regarding what God's will is, whether it is something that happens or something we should strive to do, but either point of view can be helpful in this case.  Humble people are flexible in regards to their plans because they realize that they are not God.  They understand that they are subject to forces beyond their control.  They also realize that the purpose of life is not to serve oneself and that their own desires are not necessarily the same as God's.


So what steps can we take to humble ourselves before God, as James urges us to do?  Some clues, I think, lie in the aforementioned qualities of humble people.  First, we can remember that life is not all about getting what we want.  Second, we can remember that we are in no place to judge anyone since we are no better than anyone else.  Third, we can remember that we are not masters of the universe.  Perhaps, if we keep these things in mind, we will become more peaceable, charitable, flexible, and humble.


Notes:

1. James 4:6 (NRSV)
2. James 4:10
3. Such a quote is commonly misattributed to C.S. Lewis.  A more likely origin is the book A Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. (2002, Zondervan.)
4. C.S. Lewis.  The Screwtape Letters.  ch. 14
5. James 3:13-16 (NRSV)
6. James 4:1-3
7. N.T. Wright.  The Early Christian Letters for Everyone.  2011, Westminster John Knox Press.  p. 28
8. James 3:17-18 (NRSV)
9. James 2:8
10. James 4:11-12 (NRSV)
11. James 4:13-16

Jesus Washing Peter's Feet was painted by Ford Madox Brown in the 1850s.

Perspective: Why Would a Pig Need Pearls?

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Why Would a Pig Need Pearls?

Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

2 Corinthians 9:7 (NRSV)

He said, "Freely, freely, you have received

Freely, freely, give"

From "Freely, Freely" by Carol Owens

As I've noted previously, the Sermon on the Mount touches on many different aspects of life.  Toward the end of the sermon, Jesus says something rather strange:
Do not give what is holy to dogs; and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under foot and turn and maul you.¹

To some extent, the meaning of these words is straightforward.  Pearls and holy things both have great value.  Pearls are valuable because they are rare, and things considered holy are valuable because they have been consecrated or set apart for God.  Animals such as dogs and pigs do not have the capacity to appreciate something's worth.  Basically, Jesus is warning us not to give something precious to someone who cannot - or will not - appreciate its intrinsic, sentimental, or sacred value.

But why does Jesus say that the so-called "pigs" will trample on the pearls and then maul the giver of the gift?

Several years ago, I listened to a sermon series on the Sermon on the Mount by Rob Bell and a number of other preachers.²  If I learned anything from Bell about the Sermon on the Mount, I learned how important it is to pay attention to the structure of the sermon.

Bell notes that, throughout the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus calls us to live without anxiety.³  Jesus teaches us not to worry about the basic necessities of life, but to instead trust in the God who provides for the birds and the flowers.⁴  When Jesus teaches us how we should pray, He invites us to place our whole lives - our needs in the present, our regrets from the past, and our anxiety about the future - into God's hands.^{5 6}  When we entrust our lives to God, we are better able to follow Jesus' instructions to practice piety without regard to what others think of us, to focus on eternal matters as opposed to temporal matters, and to live generously.⁷

Bell suggests that, once we have entrusted ourselves to God, we must also entrust the other people in our lives to God; otherwise, we might feel the need to take matters into our own hands by trying to manipulate them into doing what we think they should do.  One might try to manipulate another person through negative means like shame and condemnation.⁸  On this matter, Jesus teaches us not to judge other people, but to tend to the proverbial logs in our own eyes before concerning ourselves with the specks in other people's eyes.⁹

One might also try to manipulate another person through positive means.  For example, a person might try to do something good for somebody, hoping that he or she will feel obligated to do something in return.  Bell suggests that this is one way a person might throw his or her pearls before swine, so to speak.  If you have ever tried to do something good for a person only to be met with hostility, he might have smelled a hidden agenda.¹⁰  People have a way of knowing when other people are being fake.  Furthermore, if you have ever felt resentful that another person has not done for you as much as you have done for her, you might have had ulterior motives.

It is important that we consider why we do what we do for others.  I think that we often give out of a sense of reciprocity: either we do undo others as others have done unto us, or we do unto others as we hope others will do unto us.  Jesus speaks out against reciprocity, arguing that we should do things not for the people who can pay us back, but for the people who cannot pay us back.  For example, in the Gospel of Luke, He says,
When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind.¹¹

The truth is that a gift that is given with strings attached is not a gift at all.  When we give, we should give out of a sense of grace.  Grace is a gift that cannot be repaid and should not be repaid.  St. Paul, in in one of his letters, encourages his readers to contribute to a fund for people in need, saying, "Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

If someone does something good for you and you feel compelled to do something in response, consider paying it forward.  In other words, don't try to repay the person who did something for you, but rather do something for a third person, specifically someone in need who has not done anything for you.  This mode of giving respects the original gift as an act of grace, and it extends grace to someone else.

When you give to someone, do not give out of a sense of obligation.  Do not give in order to get something in return.  Give only because you genuinely want someone to experience a blessing.  May we learn to give for all the right reasons.


Notes:

1. Matthew 7:6 (NRSV)
2. https://marshill.org/shop/sermon-on-the-mount-series/
3. Rob Bell.  "Judging."  Mars Hill Bible Church podcast, 01/10/2010.
4. Matthew 6:25-34
5. Matthew 6:11-13
6. William Barclay.  The New Daily Study Bible: The Gospel of Matthew, Volume One.  2001, Saint Andrew Press.  p. 229
7. Matthew 6:1-24
8. Bell, "Judging"
9. Matthew 7:1-5
10. Bell, "Judging"
11. Luke 14:12-13 (NRSV)

The photograph featured in this perspective is of unknown origin.  It is assumed to be public domain.

Introspection: Does Jesus Take the Wheel?

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Does Jesus Take the Wheel?

So be careful how you live; be mindful of your steps.  Don't run around like idiots as the rest of the world does.  Instead, walk as the wise!  Make the most of every living and breathing moment because these are evil times.  So understand and be confident in God's will, and don't live thoughtlessly.

Ephesians 5:15-17 (The Voice)

But lately I am beginning to find

That when I drive myself my light is found

From "Drive" by Incubus

Christians have a language of their own, a set of concepts, jargon, expressions, and platitudes that don't always make too much sense outside the Church.  To be honest, some of it doesn't make much sense to some of us inside the Church either.  One concept that often leaves me scratching my head is expressed in a bumper sticker that reads, "If God is your copilot, change seats."  This idea is described in a number of ways including "giving God the reins," "surrendering to God," and "giving God control."

This concept is expressed rather poignantly in a song titled "Jesus, Take the Wheel."  Made famous by country singer Carrie Underwood, this song tells the story of a young woman who has made some bad choices in life and, in a desperate moment, decides to turn to Christ.¹  I won't deny that the song is moving.  I hate to admit this, but, during a rather difficult time in my life, I heard this song on the radio and actually started crying.²  I once confessed this to a friend of mine, and he said that he would have just changed the radio station.

In my opinion, Christianese expressions about "giving God control" can potentially be confusing or even problematic at face value, so I would suggest that we consider abandoning such language and start saying what we mean by it.

I would agree with Carrie Underwood that driving is a pretty good metaphor for life in general.  There are many things on the road that we cannot control.  We cannot control how fast or how safely other people are driving.  We cannot control traffic lights.  We cannot control the conditions of the roads we take.  We cannot control whether or not there is a traffic jam on the interstate or whether or not road construction requires us to take detours.

The only thing on the road a person actually can control is his or her own car.  We can operate our cars in ways that can make driving a better experience for ourselves and for the other drivers around us.  We can follow traffic laws, and we can be considerate of other drivers.  We can be intentional about where we're going.  We can keep our cars in good working condition.  On the other hand, we can also operate our cars in ways that irritate other drivers or put ourselves and others in danger.  "A friend of mine" tends to become frustrated when other drivers unnecessarily try to pass him, so sometimes he speeds up in an attempt to put them back in their place.

In life, as in traffic, there are many things over which a person has little to no control.  Still, there is one thing over which a person always has control.  One always has control over one's own choices, including how one chooses to respond to the things one cannot control.

Regarding the matters in which we have no control, we cannot surrender control to God, because we never had any control to surrender in the first place.  What we actually can - and should - give up is the illusion of control.  We need to recognize the things over which we have no control and choose to trust in God regardless of what happens.  I once theorized that chronic worry must be a form of addiction, for I could not imagine that anyone would willingly choose to do something so unpleasant.  Nowadays I think that worry might be a withdrawal symptom associated with an addiction to control.

Regarding the matters in which we do have at least some measure of control, we would do well to remember that God did not create human beings as puppets or robots.  God created humans as free agents with minds of their own.  God has put us behind the steering wheel in our own lives, so we must never take our hands off the wheel, no matter what Ms. Underwood sings.

If you give up control of your vehicle while you're driving, your life will get really bad really quickly as your car drifts somewhere it should not go.  At best, your car will just end up in a ditch.  At worst, your car will drift into oncoming traffic or off a bridge.  Life won't be much better for you if you give up control of your decisions.  If you don't make your own decisions in life, someone else will make your decisions for you, and that "someone else" won't necessarily be God.  You will drift through life, passively accepting anything and everything that comes your way, allowing the desires and expectations of others to dictate everything you do.

God's will, as I understand it, is not something that happens to us but rather something we do.  There is a way God wants all of us to live - a life of love for God and neighbor.³  At least some of us might even have special God-given callings in life.  Doing God's will might require us to surrender some of our plans or desires, but we are always in control of what we do.  There are no strings with which God controls our arms and legs us like a puppeteer.  Following God's will is not simply going with the flow and enjoying the ride.  It requires intentionality.  In fact, it might even require us to go against the current at times.  God may have directions for our journeys, but it is always up to us to choose to follow those directions.

To summarize, I would say that what Christians call "Giving God control" actually means two things.  First, it means recognizing that some things are ultimately beyond our control and then trusting in God regardless of what happens.  Second, it means recognizing what control we actually do have and exercising that control in a godly manner.  We never really give up control of ourselves, for we are always responsible for our own choices.  On the other hand, we are invited to give up any illusion of control we don't have, to be open to God's leading, and to hold our own agendas loosely.

A certain prayer written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr can offer us some guidance as we wrestle with matters of control in our lives.  This prayer is commonly known as the Serenity Prayer.

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

I like this prayer because Niebuhr recognizes that there are times when we have no control and need to trust in God and also times when we need wisdom and courage from God to exercise the control we do have.⁴

That morning when I started crying while listening to "Jesus Take the Wheel" on the radio, I was in a bad situation because I had floated my way through life and ended up somewhere I didn't need to be, like a jellyfish washed up on the beach.  If anything, God used that time in my life to teach me that I need to live with intentionality.  In other words, I learned that I actually need to take the wheel in my own life while seeking guidance from God.  Though I am still sometimes guilty of drifting in life, I find that my efforts are blessed when I actually take the wheel and steer.

So does Jesus really take the wheel?  I don't believe He does, because we are meant to drive ourselves.  I do believe that following Him will help us to drive well and keep us from getting hopelessly lost.


Notes:

1. Wikipedia: Jesus, Take the Wheel
2. Believe me, it was a bad time in my life.
3. Adam Hamilton calls this God's Prescriptive Will in his book Why?: Making Sense of God's Will.  2011, Abingdon Press.
4. To learn more about this prayer and others, check out the book Three Prayers You'll Want to Pray by my friend George Hovaness Donigian.  2014, Morehouse Publishing.

The photograph of Southern California traffic was taken by Daniel R. Blume and is used under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic license.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.