Introspection: Why I Worry

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Why I Worry

And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?

Matthew 6:27 (NRSV)

Disregard your inner monologue
Don't try to drown it out
'Cause it'll only wear you out
Sometimes things are just beyond control
That has to be OK
And you don't have a choice

From "Everything Is OK" by Halou

Over the years, I've tried to figure out why so many people, myself included, are so prone to worrying.  At one time, I began to wonder if maybe worry was a form of addiction.  Why else would anyone compulsively do something that feels so unpleasant?  I wondered if maybe some kind of twelve-step program for people who worry was in order - a "Worryholics Anonymous," if you will.  Later on, I began to wonder if maybe people who worry are not addicted to the worry itself but are rather addicted to control.  Worrying, then, would be a withdrawal symptom that control addicts experience when they face situations they cannot control.

I have recently started to suspect that worry might actually be a feeble attempt to exercise control that one does not actually have.  I think that might be what worry is for me, at least.

I'm afraid that I'm not quite as rational as I want people to think I am.

One evening a little over a month ago, when I couldn't stop worrying about something, I found a Psychology Today blog post by Sandra Llera and Michelle Newman, who point out that, despite the negative effects of worrying, "ironically, people often harbor positive beliefs about worrying."  In other words, for some reason, some people apparently think that worry is actually a good thing.  Llera and Newman suggest that, for some people, worrying might seem like a form of problem solving and that some people use worry as a means of emotionally preparing themselves for something bad that might happen.¹

Personally, I can remember recently thinking that not worrying about something was tanamount to simply allowing it to happen, as if my worrying about it was somehow holding it at bay.  Like all people who worry, I realize that the things I worry might happen rarely do happen, but I seem to have mixed up correlation and causation so that I think, perhaps subconsciously, that these bad things don't happen because I worry about them.  I'm not exactly sure why I believe I have this metaphysical influence over the world around me.  Maybe I think that, if God can see how much my worrying about something is making me suffer, then God just might go easy on me and stop it from happening.

After I spent a day worrying about the aforementioned matter last month, I discovered the next day that everything was fine.  Once again, I worried that something bad might happen, and it didn't happen.  One would think that this instance would serve as yet another reminder that worrying about things is pointless, but I think it might have actually had the opposite effect and positively reinforced my tendency to worry.  I worried that something bad might happen, and it didn't happen, perhaps, because I worried about it.

Have I mentioned that I'm not as rational as I want people to think?

Llera and Newman point out that "positive beliefs about worry tend to hold even if things turn out okay."  They write, "Instead of recognizing how much time you just wasted by worrying, you might feel like you've dodged a bullet.  This can also reinforce worrying because the sense of relief feels so good."²  I must admit that the relief I felt last month felt pretty sweet - and maybe even a bit rewarding.

Perhaps what needs to happen is that I worry about something that actually does end up happening so that I can finally see that worrying really doesn't do any good.  If I just look back on my life, I can probably find a number of such instances.

In Feburary of last year, I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that my face was swollen.  The swelling appeared to be centered around one of my sinus cavities, so I suspected that I had a sinus infection.  I'm always somewhat congested, so a sinus infection was a natural guess.  The swelling went away, but my body temperature kept fluctuating, so I ended up getting tested for COVID-19.  The test came back negative.  Over time, it became clear that I had an abscessed tooth.  It wasn't ruining my life, so I just lived with it until my next dental checkup.  The truth is that I avoided going to the dentist because I was worried that I would need a root canal.

It turns out that I didn't need a root canal.  I needed to have my tooth pulled.  What ended up happening was actually worse than what I worried might happen.  I'm currently in the process of having an implant put in.  I've been wearing a temporary false tooth, which is sometimes called a "flipper," so that I don't look like a hillbilly or a hockey player.

I need to get real and just accept that my worrying about things isn't accomplishing anything besides ruining my life.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus urges us to not worry.³  He asks, "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?"⁴  Truth be told, we probably subtract hours from our lifespan by worrying.  In any case, an hour spent worrying is an hour wasted, and time is too precious to waste.  Jesus says, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.  Today's trouble is enough for today."⁵

Praying the serenity prayer regularly has forced me to regularly admit that there are things in my life that are out of my control that I just have to accept - things that I have to trust God to set right.  This prayer is a regular challenge to live in the present moment and a regular reminder that enduring difficult times will ultimately lead to greater peace.

If I want a greater sense of peace in my life, then I need to get worry out of my life.  I need to accept that there are things in my life that are out of my control and that worrying about them will do nothing to change them.  Peace will never be found in a constant futile attempt to control what we cannot accept, but it just might be found in learning to accept what we cannot control.


Notes:

1. Sandra Llera and Michelle Newman.  "The Secret Reason Why You Can't Stop Worrying."  The Courage of Happiness, 11/26/2019.
2. ibid.
3. Matthew 6:25-34
4. Matthew 6:27 (NRSV)
5. Matthew 6:34 (NRSV)

The photograph of the broken tree is used courtesy of pxfuel.com.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.