Introspection: Excess Baggage

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Excess Baggage

Scripture:

Forgive us for our sins, just as we have forgiven those who sinned against us.

Matthew 6:12 (NCV)

I'm waking up, the world is turning
The sun is shining again
I'm holding on to things I shouldn't
It's time to let them go

From "Brand New Day" by Fireflight

Life is funny sometimes. At the beginning of this year, as I contemplated what I would write, I thought that I should perhaps speak out against some of the evils of society. Just over halfway through the year, I find that I have, instead, been speaking out against the evils in my own heart.

During dinner one evening last week, I made a negative comment about the business for which I used to work. In response, a friend of mine commented on my tendency to hold grudges. He told me that I need to just let my bitterness go. This was not the first time that someone has said something to me about this subject. In fact several people have told me that I need to let go of a number of things, not just my feelings toward my former place of employment, but other hurts that I hold.

The next evening, I was heading out to dinner again, and, as I drove near my former workplace, thoughts laced with bitterness crept into my mind. It was then that I realized that my friend and all the others were right.

Bitterness is something with which I struggle often. In fact, I believe that it is probably my biggest spiritual problem. I often find myself dwelling on things that other people have either said or done that have hurt or offended me. This even includes small comments others have made that I should not have even thought twice about, comments that most likely had no animosity attached, things that people probably forgot the moment they said them. I am even beginning to suspect that many of these offenses and hurts are actually a product of my own imagination.

It has been said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."¹ I can think of no better definition, because it is exactly what I have been doing to myself. I harbor negative emotions toward others because of what they have done to me or what I imagine they have done to me, but it only serves to bring me down. To most of the people with whom I am angry, I would not dare tell my feelings. When I actually do confront someone about the hurt they inflicted, I have usually let the wound fester so long that I blow up at them, say things I know I should not, and end up widening the rift between the person and myself.

Christ has given us a number of warnings about having an unforgiving spirit. In the Sermon on the Mount, He warns us that if we are unwilling to forgive other people, then God Himself will be unwilling to forgive us.² Christ later tells a story of a servant who owes a king a large sum of money, a sum that he could never hope to pay off. He begs the king for mercy, and the king forgives his debt. Unfortunately the servant does not share the king's forgiving spirit. He finds a fellow servant who owes him a much lesser amount and has him thrown into debtors prison. The king hears what the ungrateful servant has done and has him tortured until his massive debt is paid.³

I am a lot like the ungrateful servant in Jesus' story. I have a debt that I can never hope to pay off, but that debt was canceled by Christ on the cross. That is what makes my unwillingness to forgive truly sad, for I have been forgiven for so many things. So many times I have inflicted wounds on others and have not been made to pay for it. How could a person who has experienced grace and forgiveness so many times be so unforgiving?

If God can see the deepest, darkest corner of every person's heart and be willing to forgive all of humanity's transgressions, how can we not forgive each other? If God, the only truly just judge, can pardon even the most heinous of sins, how can we do any less?

Bitterness separates us from God, as shown in Christ's story, and it puts a rift between us and those toward whom we are bitter. Not only is bitterness something that divides, it is also something that weighs us down. It is excess baggage that makes it hard for us to move forward through life.

An overloaded ship runs the risk of sinking, and, when the danger becomes imminent, the crew has no choice but to jettison its excess cargo into the water. This is what I have decided to do. I am throwing the excess baggage of resentment into the ocean to sink to the bottom. I believe that, by remembering the forgiveness and mercy that has been shown to me, I will be better able to put the hurts of the past behind me.

To all of those against whom I have been holding grudges, if you are reading this, please accept this article as my apology.


Notes:
1 - This quote or one like it has been attributed to a number of people including activist and politician Nelson Mandela, actress Carrie Fisher, and an unnamed person at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
2 - Matthew 6:14-15
3 - Matthew 18:23-35


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