Sermon: A Crisis of Calling

Delivered on October 16, 2011 to complete a lay speaking course.
I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

A Crisis of Calling

Scripture:

Come to Him, a living stone, though rejected by mortals yet chosen and precious in God’s sight, and like living stones, let yourselves be built into a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s own people, in order that you may proclaim the mighty acts of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

Once you were not a people,
but now you are God’s people;
once you had not received mercy,
but now you have received mercy.

1 Peter 2:4-5,9-10 (NRSV)

What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the light as You are in the light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my light, and be my salvation
'Cause all I want is to be in the light

From "In the Light" by dc Talk

While I was a junior at Furman University, I took a series of courses on the German language. One day the professor asked each of us what we wanted to do with our lives. When my turn came, I asked her for the German word for computer programmer. As she told me that the word was Computerprogrammierer, something inside me asked, "Is that really what you want to do with you life?" I was not passionate about computer programming, but I understood it, and I knew that it was a career in which I could make money.

In the spring of 2007, I graduated with a bachelors degree in computer science. For the summer, I had a part time job at the university, but employment afterward was still uncertain. On top of that, I had a mountain of student loans to repay. It turns out that I didn't have to do much searching at all. During the summer, I received a call from a woman trying to fill a computer engineering position at a small company in town. After an interview and a few follow-up meetings, I was offered the job. I had an uneasy feeling about the company, but I needed a job, and I figured that to receive a job opportunity out of the blue must have been, in some way, a gift from God. I reluctantly accepted the job offer.

What I have not told you about this job is that it was in the gambling industry. My job was to write code for video poker machines and for slot machines. I had never really thought about the morality of gambling before that time, but from day one I was self-conscious about working in that particular industry. The United Methodist Church takes a stance against gambling, and I wondered what my friends or the people at church would think. Still, the money was good, and the job gave me the opportunity to quickly repay my student loans.

Almost one year after I had accepted the job, I realized that the company wanted more from me than I was willing to give, especially to that particular industry. I wanted out, but other potential employers might not hire me if I simply quit, and I wasn't sure if another programming job would have been any better. I didn't know what to do, so I began to pray for God to call me out of this job and to lead me to something that was better for me.

At that time, I had what I have called a "crisis of calling," a time when I began to rethink what God was calling me to do with my life. When I was in college I did not seek out my passion or my calling. Instead, I opted for something that would pay the bills. I began to feel as though I had simply floated through life, like a jellyfish floats through the ocean until it is stranded on the beach to die.

I was feeling a lot of what could only be described as despair. Every weekday morning, I lay in bed praying for God to slow down time, to prolong the time before I had to get out of bed and go to work. One morning before work, I thought about my misery and found myself wishing that I could help ease the misery of others. Another time, I remembered a moment years before when I thought to myself that I didn't want to become a minster because of the higher standard to which ministers are held. I didn't want to have to be a role model.

It was then that I began to wonder if my true calling was in was in ordained ministry. After all, if I had made an excuse not to do it, then the thought must have already been in my head. I knew that this was not a choice to take lightly, so I began testing the waters at my home church. I preached a few times, and I began teaching Sunday school.

Months past, and my prayers were finally answered. The company for which I worked consolidated offices and moved operations out of state. Because I was unwilling to relocate, I was laid off. I was still not sure if ordained ministry was truly my calling, so I began searching for another job in computer programming. This time, though, I was a little more intentional about my job search. I began sending applications and resumes to colleges and universities in the area. If I was unable to find a job in higher learning, I would seek employment within the hospital system. I wanted a job where I could use my skills for the benefit for my fellow human beings. Three months after I was let go from my job, I began my next job as a computer programmer at Greenville Technical College.

Since then, I have realized that my job in the gambling industry was indeed a gift from God - in the same way that the big fish that swallowed Jonah was gift from God. It was my wake-up call. I learned that, if nothing else, my calling was to not simply float through life, but to take hold of my life and to do so something with it that will glorify God. I also learned that, regardless of whether or not I am an ordained minister, I am still called to a higher standard as a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe that these things are true, not just for me, but for all of us.

It has been almost two years since I began my new job, and I am happy to say that I am not praying for God to lead me out of it. In the past few months, though, I have found myself stressed, irritable, depressed, angry, and all-around miserable, not with my job, but with life in general. Working through lay speaking school, I realized that I have forgotten my calling to glorify God with my life. I have let small frustrations, minor setbacks, and less than preferable circumstances overshadow my sense of purpose.

I have realized that my crisis of calling is not yet over. God called me out of job enabling people to waste their hard-earned money and into a job serving students and teachers. Now, God continues to call me out of a stagnant, desolate, miserable life and into a life of love and service.

Often, our tendency is to associate our calling with our careers. While our careers are certainly part of our calling, our calling lies not only in our nine-to-five jobs, but in the day-to-day aspects of our lives. St. Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthian church, wrote, "Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God."¹ Jesus said that the two greatest commandments are, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind," and "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."² These are not nine-to-five commandments but 24-7 commandments.

St. Peter wrote that we have been called out of darkness and called into God's marvelous light to be a chosen people, a holy nation, and a royal priesthood. We have been called out of destructive patterns and out of a meaningless existence. We are called to live our lives a witness to Christ. We are called to a life full of love and service both to God and to other people.

At this time, I am blessed with the opportunity to participate in a study of C.S. Lewis's work The Screwtape Letters. A recurring theme in this book is the intentionality essential to live a life of faith, as the demon Screwtape constantly advises his nephew Wormwood to divert his human subject's attention away from God. So often the temporal aspects of life distract us from our calling in Christ. Just as I had to learn the importance of being intentional in regards to my career, we all need to learn to be intentional in our day-to-day walk with Christ.

Theologian John Wesley offered us three simple rules for living. The first is to do no harm. The second is to do good. The third, to use Rueben Job's words, is to stay in love with God.³ Each of these three rules requires intentionality. First, we must be on guard against things within us that would cause us to be unkind, hurtful, or insensitive to other people. Second, we must actively seek ways to serve our neighbors. Third, we must be intentional about being in constant prayer, studying the Bible daily, and engaging in worship frequently, for these are the ways in which we stay in love with God and in which we keep our lives centered on God.

In the Gospels there are numerous instances of Jesus saying to people, "Follow Me." Christ offers us the same invitation to follow Him day by day. Christ said that He "came that [we] may have life and have it abundantly."⁴ This is a life free from shame and free from the destructive tendencies that weigh down our hearts. This is a life full of purpose and meaning. Christ offers to lead us to this abundant life if we will only follow Him.

Amen.


Notes:
1 - 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NRSV)
2 - Matthew 22:37,39 (NRSV)
3 - For more about John Wesley's rules for living, see Rueben Job's book Three Simple Rules. (2007, Abingdon Press)
4 - John 10:10 (NRSV)


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