Introspection: Through My Glasses, Darkly

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Through My Glasses, Darkly

Scripture:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (TNIV)

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me, should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You

From "Revelation" by Third Day

Last weekend I went with some of my college-aged friends on a little excursion to Pisgah National Forest. One of the things that draws visitors to this place is a waterfall called "Sliding Rock." This waterfall's gentle slope and pool at the bottom make it a naturally-occurring water slide. At first I was not going to join my friends in sliding down this rock, but, at the last minute, I changed my mind. Unfortunately, in the excitement of the whole experience, I neglected to take off my glasses, and I lost them when I hit the pool.

At first, I was not too worried about losing my glasses. They were over six years old; the lenses were chipped; and the frame was bent. They set crookedly on my face and sometimes fell off when I looked down. I had been planning to buy new glasses for nearly a year, but indecisiveness in selecting a frame had caused me to put it off. I shrugged it off as a minor setback: I did not even search for them. Besides, I did not want to be "that guy who holds up the line because he lost something." I would wear old glasses until I could get a copy of my prescription and then buy new glasses at the mall.

I had forgotten that I depend on my glasses to see. The only old glasses I could still wear were ones I used back in high school, and my eyes had changed so much since then that, when I wore them, things still appeared fuzzy at a slight distance. It was hard to read things from a distance, so I would still need to squint. Straining my eyes gave me headaches, and the blurry vision made me feel as though I was in a constant haze. Perhaps the worst part was not being able to see people's faces from a distance. My blurry vision put me in a bad mood.

Five days later, I finally got my new glasses, and they made a world of difference for me. I was able to see so much better than I had become accustomed. It was almost overwhelming. Everything I saw seemed so clear and beautiful. I had never realized how much I took my vision for granted.

The whole incident made me think about the bigger picture. Many things in my life are not as I want them to be. Just as I spent several days unable to see clearly, I feel as though I am still trying to navigate my whole life with blurry vision. I have already realized that I need to ask God to open my eyes and to show me His will for my life. Despite this revelation, I think that I am still trying to squint my way through life. What is holding me back from turning my whole life over to God?

I recently told my pastor that I think I am struggling with functional atheism. A functional atheist is a person who believes in God, but lives and acts as if God is not really there or as if he or she does not really need God. Why do I content myself with repeatedly failing and cursing my weaknesses when God wants to give me strength? Why do I continue to bear the burden of worry when God invites me to cast all of my anxiety on Him?¹ Why do I lament all the things that I dislike about my life when I could make things lot easier on myself and simply turn these things over to God?

I think that it takes a number of things to truly turn one's life over to God. First, it takes humility.² As my pastor pointed out to me, we need to accept the fact that we are indeed broken. We also need to be honest and admit that we cannot fix ourselves. We then need to open ourselves up to help from God and from the people through whom God wants to help us. Second, letting God direct our lives requires surrender.³ Sometimes we have to put our own desires aside for the greater good of God's will. What we want is not always what is best, but God always wants what is best for everyone. Third, we need patience.⁴ People want instant gratification, but God does not operate on anyone's schedule. He knows what is best for us, and gives us what is best in His own time.⁵

Perhaps I am lacking in these things. Maybe I do not want to admit to myself that I am broken and that I cannot fix myself. Perhaps I am afraid that God's will for my life will not be what I want it to be. Maybe I am afraid that God's will might be difficult or painful. Maybe I just do not want to wait for God to fix me.

I need to loosen my grip on my own life and truly turn it over to God so that He can do His will with it. I need to ask God for the humility to admit that I cannot do everything on my own. I need to ask God to help me to surrender my own desires to His perfect will. I need to ask God for the patience to wait for Him to act in His own time. I need to give up my own blindness and to accept the beautiful, abundant life that God has in store for me.


1 - 1 Peter 5:7
2 - James 4:10
3 - Proverbs 3:5-6
4 - Isaiah 40:31
5 - I am not saying that these are the only things that are needed to follow God's will. These are just some of them.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.