Perspective: Good Grief

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Good Grief

A broken spirit is my sacrifice, God.

You won't despise a heart, God, that is broken and crushed.

Psalm 51:17 (CEB)

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you

From "The Reason" by Hoobastank

St. Paul had a rather complicated relationship with the church in Corinth.  He originally planted this community with the help of his friends Priscilla and Aquila.¹  Later on, after another evangelist named Apollos began shepherding the community in Paul's absence, people began splintering into factions, some pledging allegiance to Paul and others to Apollos.  Paul wrote a rather lengthy letter to the Corinthians to remind them that, as the Church, their allegiance is to Christ and not to any of Christ's followers and to address a number of the other problems that had been plaguing the community.²

Later on, Paul paid the Corinthian church a visit that went rather badly, to say the least.  We don't know the details, but some speculate that someone publicly humiliated Paul.³  Afterward, he wrote the community an extremely harsh letter, sometimes called the "Letter of Tears," that, by his own admission, caused a great deal of pain for many people.⁴  In a later correspondence with the Corinthians, Paul admitted that he initially regretted sending the letter that caused them so much pain, but went on to write that he was glad that their pain ultimately caused them to rethink their lives and change their ways.  He remarked that their grief was not "worldly grief" that leads to death, but rather "godly grief" that leads to repentance.⁵

So what exactly is the difference between "worldly grief" and "godly grief"?

Judging from the results of each kind of grief, I would say that a worldly grief that leads to death is despair and that a godly grief that leads to positive change is contrition.  That said, I want to dig a little deeper into the question at hand and also examine the words worldly and godly.  Though Christians are exhorted to not "be conformed to the patterns of this world"⁶ and to not "love the world or the things in the world,"⁷ people cannot fully extricate themselves from the world.  Furthermore, even people who strive for godliness have been shaped by the world around them.

The way we look at the world matters.  The truth is that we all view reality through lenses, whether or not we realize or acknowledge the fact.  Many Christians have been handed a lens of judgment.  Basically, they understand that some people, whom some might call sheep, will ultimately go to Heaven and that others, whom some might label goats, will suffer for ever and ever in Hell as punishment for their sins.⁸  The Bible, when read through such a lens, becomes a handbook for becoming a sheep as opposed to a goat so that the one's eternal destiny is secure.  Some Christians might even understand themselves to be at war with a world of goats who threaten to drag them down to Hell with them.

I was handed such a lens when I was young, and it scared me out of my mind.  Even now, I try not to think too much about the afterlife.  In my journey of faith, I've sought to leave behind a lens of judgment and to adopt a lens of redemption.  I strive to read the Bible as a story of a loving God who has not given up on putting a broken world back together again.⁹  Though judgment will be involved in the process, God is not interested in simply taking out the trash.  According to biblical scholar N.T. Wright,
God's authority vested in scripture is designed, as all God's authority is designed, to liberate human beings, to judge and condemn evil and sin in the world in order to set people free to be fully human.  That's what God is in the business of doing.¹⁰
The question then is whether or not we want to get on board with what God is doing and take part in this redemptive story.

Some people use the word fallen to describe this broken world, while others might say that the world is going to hell in a handbasket.  However one might describe the fact, this messed-up world, left to itself, is on a downward trajectory.  On the other hand, God, who is in the business of redemption, is working to put the world back on an upward trajectory.¹¹  With that in mind, perhaps one could say that worldly grief is something that drags a person down and that godly grief is something that is redemptive, ultimately building a person up.  Perhaps, in this case, one could substitute the word unredeemed for worldly.

I wonder if maybe the difference between worldly grief and godly grief is not what ultimately results from the grief, but rather the way that the grief is channeled.  Perhaps worldly grief is used in a destructive way, while godly grief is used in a redemptive way.

Some people use their "darker" emotions constructively: they work through them, become stronger, and develop empathy.  Some might even create art in the process.  Others use such emotions like a blade to slash themselves apart, turning to destructive attitudes, actions, or habits that become their undoing.  These are the same emotions, but they are channeled in different ways.  The Christians in Corinth channeled the grief Paul caused them constructively, and, as a result, they became better people for it.

As for me, on my best days, I work through my worst emotions constructively, but, more often than I would like to admit, I handle such emotions in less than constructive ways.  So often I feel that, after a difficult season, there is less of me than there was beforehand.

If you are currently dealing with some difficult emotions, I would offer you three pieces of advice.  I offer this advice not as a licensed therapist, but as a rather emotional person.  First, let your emotions be an offering to God, the One who is in the business of redemption, and allow God to guide you as you work through them.  Second, open up about your emotions to people you can trust.  You might even need to seek professional counseling.  I wouldn't recommend that anyone attempt to go through life alone.  Third, find a creative outlet.  As you can probably tell, I like to write.  A lot of my writing is cathartic, and I find that when I put my feelings on paper - or rather a text document - I feel better afterward.

Grief is something we all experience as human beings, regardless of whether someone would classify us as worldly or godly.  Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once mused, "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."  Though we cannot always control our emotions, we are still the owners of our emotions, meaning that we can decide whether they kill us or strengthen us.  Choosing to live out a story of redemption makes a world of difference.


Notes:

1. Acts 18:1-11
2. 1 Corinthians.
3. See the notes on 2 Corinthians 2:1-11 in the Wesley Study Bible.  2009, Abingdon Press.
4. Wikipedia: Second Epistle to the Corinthians
5. 2 Corinthians 7:8-10 (NRSV)
6. Romans 12:2 (CEB)
7. 1 John 2:15 (CEB)
8. Matthew 25:31-46
9. John 3:16-17
10. From a lecture by N.T. Wright titled "How Can the Bible Be Authoritative?"
11. In the book Who Is This Man?, John Ortberg explores many ways in which the world has become a better place because of Jesus.  2012, Zondervan.

The photograph featured in this post was taken by Wikimedia Commons user Specialtoyoutoyou and is used under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.