Perspective: The Christmas Scandal

Merry Christmas from the Wayside!

The Christmas Scandal

Scripture:

For He grew up before Him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
He had no form or majesty that we should look at Him,
nothing in His appearance that we should desire Him.
He was despised and rejected by others;
a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity;
and as one from whom others hide their faces
He was despised, and we held Him of no account.

Surely He has borne our infirmities
and carried our diseases;
yet we accounted Him stricken,
struck down by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
crushed for our iniquities;
upon Him was the punishment that made us whole,
and by His bruises we are healed.

Isaiah 53:2-5 (NRSV)

He came down to earth from heaven
Who is God and Lord of all
And His shelter was a stable
And His cradle was a stall
With the poor, the scorned, the lowly
Lived on earth our Savior holy

From "Once in Royal David's City" by Cecil Frances Alexander

An evangelical university in my town has set up a very elaborate nativity scene at the main entrance to the campus. At night, the entire scene is illuminated for all passersby to see. Nativity scenes are familiar sights at Christmas: a glowing infant Jesus lying in a manger surrounded by the Virgin Mary, Joseph, some shepherds, and three elderly wise men, all looking very serene and pious. Some nativity scenes even include a few well-behaved animals. As familiar and iconic as this scene is, I am beginning to wonder if it really captures the true nature of the Christmas story.

The story begins when a young teenager named Mary is visited by an angel. This angel, Gabriel, tells her that she will soon give birth to a child. This child would not be just any child: this child would one day be the King of Israel and would even be called the "Son of God." This would be surprising news for any woman, more so for a woman like Mary who hadn't even lost her virginity. The news was not only surprising but also troubling. Mary was not yet married, so what would the townspeople think? What would her fiance Joseph think? Would anyone even believe her story?

People in town begin to gossip. Mary's story isn't very convincing: "I'm pregnant, but I'm still a virgin. Oh, by the way, the baby is God's." Nobody in his right mind would believe a story like that, so there are only two logical explanations. Either Mary and her fiance have been fooling around, or Mary had been unfaithful. Word reaches her fiance Joseph. Obviously, he knows that the baby is not his, so that leaves only one conclusion: Mary has cheated on him. Naturally, he decides to break off the engagement. Even though Joseph is disappointed, hurt, and angry, he is kind-natured, so he decides to handle things discreetly to spare Mary what little dignity she had left.¹

Just after Joseph had made up his mind about breaking his engagement to Mary, an angel appears to him in a dream and tells him that Mary has not been unfaithful to him and that the baby is indeed from God. Joseph wakes up and decides not to break the engagement. Of course this is going to make Joseph look bad as well. By not breaking the engagement, he is basically confirming to the townspeople that he and Mary have conceived a baby out of wedlock, something that is a lot less acceptable in their culture than it is in ours. Mary and Joseph know the truth, but, to everyone else, they are just another young couple who couldn't control themselves and messed up.

To complicate matters, the government decides to take a census, requiring that all people go to their ancestors' hometowns to register. This means that Mary and Joseph have to travel all the way to Bethlehem because they are descendants of King David. When they arrive, Mary goes into labor. Unfortunately, the two cannot find anyone who will take them in, so they end up having the baby in a stable - a dirty, smelly cave - like a couple of teenage runaways. With no bed for the baby, they lay Him in a feeding trough.

If things weren't bad enough, a bunch of anxious shepherds show up to see the baby. In our heads we have a lot of warm, fuzzy images of shepherds, but, at that time, shepherds were notorious for being thieves and were considered among the scum of the earth.² Shepherds would be the last people that Mary and Joseph wanted to see, especially at that time.

I imagine that the mental portrait I am painting of the Christmas story is far different from the peaceful, pious nativity scenes we usually see. Nativity scenes typically make the story seem much more dignified, when, in reality, it was a holy mess. The young couple are usually depicted so serene and prayerful, but with all the conflicting emotions - the excitement of having a baby, the joy of doing God's will, the frustrations of lives turned upside-down and reputations ruined, and the panic of having everything to go wrong in one evening - who knows what the two were really feeling at the time? A passerby would most likely look on this scene, see the child, and think, "That kid doesn't have a chance." God did not pick a very auspicious way to bring His Son, our Savior, into the world.

Things did not get much better afterward. This child Jesus grew up to become a rabbi - a poor, homeless rabbi. He and his friends would travel the region, completely dependent on the grace of God and on the hospitality of others. He would associate with prostitutes, tax-collectors, beggars, and other disreputable types. Jesus repeatedly ticked off the religious authorities. Eventually He was put on trial, executed in a public spectacle, and buried in a borrowed grave.

The people of Israel had waited generations for a messiah to show up and set things right. This messiah was supposed to be a great political leader, a heroic warrior king who would liberate the Israelites from their Roman oppressors. The person called Jesus was nothing like the messiah that everyone had imagined. Instead, He was the exact opposite: he was born under sketchy circumstances and lived his life at the bottom rungs of the societal ladder.

So why did God choose for things to be this way? Why did Christ have to be born under such questionable circumstances? Why did God have to drag Mary and Joseph's names through the mud? Could He not have been born to married parents? Could he not have been the great warrior king everyone was expecting, or could he not have been more reputable rabbi? Could He not have brought salvation to humanity without being executed like a common criminal?

I believe that the Christmas story, like the entire life of Christ, should affect how we look at each and every person on this planet. The Christmas story is scandalous because God's love is scandalous. God loves unwed mothers, teenage runaways, and young couples who mess up their lives. God loves people who have bad reputations and people who live on the other side of the tracks. God loves embezzlers, prostitutes, sex offenders, people with substance-abuse problems, and even inmates on death row. God loves the unlovable and the people on whom society has already given up. The Christmas story reminds us of this scandalous love.

Regarding acts of kindness, Christ once said, "I assure you that when you have done it for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of Mine, you have done it for Me."³ There is something very literal about what He said because, in many ways, Jesus was the "least of these." The Christmas story reminds us that God invited "the least of these" into the story of our salvation. It reminds us that God even placed His own Son, sometimes called Emmanuel meaning "God with us," to live among them.

I hope that as we celebrate Christmas in the next few days, we will see the Christmas story for what it really is: not just a story of a baby born in a stable but a story of God's scandalous love and a story of God identifying with us. I hope that this story affects how we look at other people as we worship the one who was both fully God and fully human, the one who was both the least of these and the greatest of these.


Notes:
1 - Rulebreaker: A Christmas Story. 2010 Wayfarer. Master Teacher Guide p. 12
2 - McKinley, Seay, and Holder. Advent Conspiracy. 2009 Zondervan. p. 41-42
3 - Matthew 25:40 (CEB)


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Perspective: Is Hatred Ever Right?

Developed from part of a Sunday School lesson delivered at Bethel United Methodist Church on November 28, 2010.¹
I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Is Hatred Ever Right?

Scripture:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24 (NRSV)

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into Eternity

From "Hosanna" by Brooke Frasier

Recently the Bible study book used by my Sunday School class featured lessons about the Psalms. At first I was not too enthusiastic about this. After all, how was I supposed to teach a whole Sunday School lesson about a Psalm? A lesson about a Bible story? I can handle that. A lesson about the teachings of Jesus? Definitely! A lesson about parables? Those are my favorite! A lesson about a Psalm? No way! Psalms are usually self-explanatory, so what is there to explain or discuss? What would I do with Psalm 100, for example? "Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth." Should I discuss the importance of singing?

I came to find out that teaching about a Psalm is not too different from teaching about anything else. As always, the Bible study book gave me a good starting point; God helped me to prepare the rest of the lesson; and the discussion questions took up most of the class time.

Recently, I was blessed with the opportunity to deliver a lesson about Psalm 139. Written by King David, this particular Psalm contains a number of well-known and beloved Bible verses and passages about God's close, personal involvement with humanity.

The psalmist begins with some words about God's perfect knowledge of each of us:

O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You discern my thoughts from far away.
You search out my path and my lying down,
and are acquainted with all my ways.
(verses 1-3)

The psalmist then continues with thoughts regarding God's constant presence with us:

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol², You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there Your hand shall lead me,
and Your right hand shall hold me fast.
(Verses 7-10)

The psalmist then praises God for the thought and care that He put into our creation:

For it was You who formed my inward parts;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are Your works;
that I know very well.
(Verse 13-14)

Toward the end, though, David decides to go off on a tangent, and the Psalm takes on a much darker tone:

O that You would kill the wicked, O God,
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me -
those who speak of You maliciously,
and lift themselves up against You for evil!
Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.
(Verses 19-22)

And this was such a beautiful Psalm! Why did David have to go and ruin it with all that stuff about killing and hatred? There are verses that I honestly wish were not included in the Bible, and these are four of them. The author of our Bible study book must have felt the same way, as she decided not to cover this part of the Psalm in the lesson. As I prepared to deliver this lesson, I decided that it was necessary to wrestle with these verses as well.

So what are we supposed to learn from this part of the Psalm? Are we supposed to have the same attitude as the psalmist? Are believers supposed to hate the people who reject God and choose not to follow His ways? Are we supposed to pray for the deaths of those who do evil?

We all know that there are people who share David's sentiment. Without giving any names, there is one "church" in particular that is notorious for its members' hatred. The members of this church infamously travel the country protesting at the funerals of those they consider sinful. They brandish spiteful words on mockingly colorful signs and sing hateful songs, adding to the pain of those who are grieving. They admit to rejoicing when people die because they view it as God's righteous judgment on the wicked. They use Bible verses like the ones above to justify their beliefs and their actions.

There is something very dangerous about basing one's entire belief system on a handful of Bible verses. The passage above, like all Bible passages, must be read while taking the rest of Scripture in consideration. If we do so, I believe that we will see that the hatred that David expresses is not what God wants for us.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is the story of Jonah. God sends the prophet Jonah to the city of Nineveh to warn the Assyrians of their coming destruction. The Assyrians were a very cruel people, and they were the hated enemy of Israel. Jonah himself had advised the king of Israel in his campaign against them. Jonah hated the Assyrians, so he was initially reluctant to go to Nineveh. With a little prodding from God and a whale, he finally does go. When the Assyrians repent of their ways, Jonah becomes angry that God decides to spare them from destruction. God has to remind Jonah that the Assyrians too are His creations whom He loves.³

The same God whom David is worshiping with this Psalm is the same God who sent Jonah to minister to the Assyrians.

I believe that the teachings and actions of Jesus Christ also have a lot to say about love and hatred. In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ said, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven..."⁴ Christ said that for us to be children of God, we are to love not only our neighbors but also those who are our enemies. When Christ was executed on the cross, He followed His own command, praying, "Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing."⁵ Christ prayed for the forgiveness of those who were treating Him so cruelly and unjustly.

The same God for whom David wrote the Psalm loved us enough to die for us "while we were still sinners."⁶

Taking such acts of God into consideration, it is evident that God does not want us to hate those who reject Him but to love them. We should not pray for the deaths of evildoers, but we should pray that they come to repentance.

I would like to propose that this part of Psalm 139, in which David boasts perfect hatred for the enemies of God, is not an example of the correct attitude to have or the correct theology to affirm. Instead, I believe that it is an honest admission of David's spirituality at the time. I have come to believe that some of the Psalms are examples of honest prayers. When we pray we should be completely honest, with God and with ourselves, about what is really on our minds and in our hearts. Sometimes this means admitting ugly things like "God, I am angry with you," or "God, I really hate this person."

David finishes this Psalm with a request:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Verses 23-24)

David follows up his admission of hatred for the enemies of God with an appeal to God to search his heart for evil and to lead him. Though David is totally devoted to God, he knows that he is not perfect and that he is dependent on God's grace. He knows that he needs for God to purge the evil from his heart and to lead him in the "way everlasting," the way of righteousness. David is asking for what is sometimes called God's sanctifying or transforming grace.

Though I initially felt that David ruined an otherwise beautiful Psalm with his talk of hatred and death, his closing request brings a beautiful sense of irony to the Psalm. If David is truly earnest about God searching his heart, if David truly wants to be transformed by God, he must let go of the perfect hatred that he boasts for the enemies of God. This would mean learning the lesson that God sought to teach Jonah. This would mean sharing the love for God's enemies that Christ showed when He gave His life on the cross.

No matter where we are on our spiritual journeys, each of us needs for God to come into our hearts, to heal our brokenness, and to transform us into the people He created us to be. We need to follow David's example, not in his admitted hatred, but in his honesty in prayer and in his willingness to be transformed and led by God.


Notes:
1 - The basis of my Sunday School lesson was:
Carol J. Miller. "God Is All-Knowing", Adult Bible Studies Fall 2010. Cokesbury.
All referenced verses from Psalm 139 are taken from the New Revised Standard Version.
2 - Death. Hell is used in some versions.
3 - Book of Jonah
4 - Matthew 5:43-45a (NRSV)
5 - Luke 23:34 (NRSV)
6 - Romans 5:8


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Introspection: Hidden Clutter

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Hidden Clutter

Scripture:

Healthy people don't need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn't come to call righteous people, but sinners.

Mark 2:17 (CEB)

Come to Me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on My yoke, and learn from Me. I'm gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and My burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30 (CEB)

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain?
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

From "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

Every year, in preparation for thanksgiving dinner at my house, my mother and I divide the responsibilities: my mom cooks while I clean. Most of my attention goes to the living room, which, unfortunately, accumulates a lot of clutter over time, the vast majority of it mine. When I start cleaning, the living room will actually look a lot worse before it starts to look better. This phenomenon occurs, because cleaning forces us to expose everything that has been swept under the rug - or, in my case, crammed in a corner behind a chair. Only when such clutter is brought to light can it be sorted out and dealt with properly.

Just as there is a lot of clutter in my living room, there is a lot of clutter in my life. These are things that I try to sweep under the proverbial rug or cram behind the metaphorical chair because I do not want people to see them in me. Case in point, earlier this week, I was able to leave work early, so I used the extra time to exercise. I noticed that one of the handlebars on my exercise bike was a little loose, so I decided to take it off to fix it. I had a great deal of trouble removing some of the bolts, and I lost my temper. As I worked on the bike, I yelled, threw a pair of pliers and a ratchet wrench at the floor, and employed a number of four-letter words that I know I should not have used. I was rather disgusted with myself afterward.

I was at home by myself when I lost my cool that day. Only a few people have seen this side of me. My anger is something that I have tried to keep hidden because I just do not want people to know about it. Had I been around other people while fixing my bike, I would have handled my frustration much more gracefully. Very few people have seen what I am actually like when I am angry. Normally, if I am angry around other people, I suppress my anger or deny it altogether.

The world can be a very judgmental and unforgiving place. Even in some churches, places intended for healing and mercy, weakness and failure are simply not allowed. Awareness of this has caused me to become some weird sort of perfectionist. I guard myself, fearful of what people might think if they knew the truth about me, that I have faults, that I have problems, that I am a sinner. I try to only let people see what I want them to see.

I like to read books and articles that are of a spiritual or religious nature. In the past couple of months, I was blessed to find two particular books that have truly resonated with me. The first is Healing for Damaged Emotions by David A. Seamands. As I read this book, I felt as though a majority of it was written especially for me. This work, written nearly thirty years ago, helps people to deal with things like low self-esteem, perfectionism, depression, and problems forgiving. In this book, the author teaches that nobody, not even a Christian, is invulnerable to such problems, that people should not be ashamed to admit these problems, and that Christ offers us healing.¹

The second book I have found is Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli. Each time I sat down to read this book, my eyes would burn at least once as I fought back tears, so moving are the stories contained within. In this book, the author teaches that a person does not have to be a perfect Christian to have a relationship with God and that God reaches out to us in our imperfections and in the messiness of our lives.²

As I was reading this latter work, I began to wonder why these two books spoke to me so deeply. It then dawned on me that these authors were speaking directly to my own brokenness, to the very parts of myself that I try to keep hidden from other people.

There are a number of problems that result from hiding one's brokenness. A person who hides his or her brokenness cannot be healed. Just as clutter in a messy room must be brought out into the open to be sorted out, brokenness must be brought to the light for healing to occur. Christ once said, "Healthy people don't need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn't come to call righteous people, but sinners." A sick person can only be treated if he or she is willing to admit that there is a problem and then go to see a doctor. Likewise, spiritual brokenness can only be healed if it is acknowledged and brought to God.³

A person who hides his or her brokenness also runs the risk of becoming isolated. A person who keeps himself guarded, fearful that others will see his imperfections, may end up hiding the good parts of his character as well. As a result, others will never get to know who the person really is. Furthermore, nobody knows that the person needs help, and nobody knows to pray for the person.

I have been trying to be more open and honest about my own brokenness, so here and now I bring my clutter out into the open.

My name is Anthony Snyder, and I am broken. I am a sinner. I want everyone to think that I'm perfect, but I am not even close. I struggle with things like anger. I have problems. Sometimes I feel as though my whole life is a mess. I have tried to hide my brokenness from others, and I have hidden myself in the process. I have deprived myself of both the love and the prayers of other people.

I am going to venture a guess that you, the reader, are in the same boat that I am, that my confession of brokenness is true for all of us, whether or not we want to admit it. Just realize that God loves all of us regardless. Realize that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us despite our brokenness. Know that God, in His grace, is able to heal us if we will only let Him into our hearts to do so.


Notes:
1 - David A. Seamands. Healing for Damaged Emotions. 1981, David C. Cook.
2 - Michael Yaconelli. Messy Spirituality. 2007, Zondervan.
3 - A word of thanks to all of my friends who reminded me of this recently.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Perspective: Turn the Page

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Turn the Page

Scripture:

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, reason like a child, think like a child. But now that I have become a man, I've put an end to childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (CEB)

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

From "Your Hands" by JJ Heller

St. Paul, in his first letter to the church in Corinth, includes a meditation on the nature of love.¹ Toward the end of this "Love Chapter", Paul throws in an exhortation to put aside childish things. In the past, this part has bothered me: the thought of putting behind me everything I ever loved as a child is unsettling to say the least. Since then, I have come to realize that this not a call to stuffiness but a call to put aside immaturity.

To restate what I have written before,² there is a major difference between being childish and being childlike. For example, there is nothing inherently wrong with being an adult and enjoying things like comic books and video games. Liking such things does not necessarily mean that one is immature. On the other hand, one can act completely sophisticated and proper and still be selfish, petty, and irresponsible. Being childlike is a good thing: we should strive to have the faith, joy, hope, honesty, and unconditional love characteristic of children. Christ even calls us to come to Him with the heart of a child.³ What we should seek to do is to hold on to our childlikeness while putting aside our childishness.

Lately, though, I have begun to see more implications to Paul's exhortation than I did previously. I am beginning to see that this is more than just a call to put aside immaturity: it is a call to growth and movement.

We are all on a journey called life. This journey takes each of us in different directions. Sometimes our path is straight and smooth, and other times our path is rocky and winding. We see mountaintops of joy, and we see valleys of pain. We should never expect for the pace and the path of our journey to remain the same throughout our entire lives. Our journey will inevitably change over time.

We are not called to throw away everything that we once held dear just because we grow older. It is important to realize, though, that it is completely possible that some of the things to which we are most attached and which bring us the most comfort might actually hold us back and prevent us from growing. This can even be true about things that are inherently good in nature. Staying within our comfort zones can rob us of the opportunities God wants to give us to grow and to progress on our journey.

Jesus called twelve men as disciples to accompany Him throughout His ministry here on Earth. They followed Him for three years, learning from Him and watching Him perform miraculous acts of kindness and healing. The Disciples would have happily continued to do so for the rest of their lives, but Jesus knew that His time on earth would be brief. Jesus never intended for the twelve to spend their lives shadowing Him. Instead He was training them to continue the work He started. He once said to them, "I assure you that whoever believes in me will do the works that I do. They will do even greater works than these..."⁴ He intended for the Disciples to be like Him, to do what He did, and to even surpass Him. He intended for them to graduate from being disciples - those who follow - to being apostles - those sent out on a mission.

Jesus never intended to send the apostles out on their journey alone. He promised them that the Holy Spirit would be there to remind them of everything that He taught them and to guide them throughout their journey.⁵ This same Spirit, the Spirit that empowered the apostles as they built the Church throughout the world, is available to us to guide us on our own journey through life.

In this journey of life there will be times when we need to plant ourselves where we are, but there will also be times when we need to uproot ourselves and to move on so that we can grow. It is important that we remember to ask God for His Spirit to guide us and to help us throughout our journey. If we do so, the Holy Spirit will help us to discern which direction to take in life and to discern when we need to stay where we are and when we need to move forward on our journey. Our journey will change, but God is always there for us.


Notes:
1 - 1 Corinthians 13
2 - See my perspective: "Snakes, Doves, and Children"
3 - Matthew 19:14
4 - John 14:12 (CEB)
5 - John 14:25-26


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Introspection: Where Are You, God?

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Where Are You, God?

Scripture:

Why, O Lord, do You stand far off?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?
In arrogance the wicked persecute the poor -
let them be caught in the schemes they have devised.

For the wicked boast of the desires of their heart,
those greedy for gain curse and renounce the Lord.
In the pride of their countenance the wicked say, “God will not seek it out”;
all their thoughts are, “There is no God.”

Their ways prosper at all times;
Your judgments are on high, out of their sight;
as for their foes, they scoff at them.
They think in their heart, “We shall not be moved;
throughout all generations we shall not meet adversity.”

Rise up, O Lord; O God, lift up Your hand;
do not forget the oppressed.
Why do the wicked renounce God,
and say in their hearts, “You will not call us to account”?

But You do see! Indeed You note trouble and grief,
that You may take it into Your hands;
the helpless commit themselves to You;
You have been the helper of the orphan.

Psalm 10:1-6, 12-14

You led me here,
Then I watched You disappear
You left this emptiness inside
And I can't turn back time
No, stay!
Nothing compares to You
Nothing compares to You
I can't let You go

From "Never Be the Same" by RED

You can probably tell from some of my previous articles that my life is not like I want it to be. Frustrated with being a perpetually single, self-conscious introvert, I sometimes find myself actually becoming indignant that my circumstances are not what I think they should be. I just feel robbed, cheated out of the life that I think I should have, a life that seems to come so naturally to other people. I become angry, angry with myself for being the way I am, angry with my parents for the way they raised me, angry with other people for making me feel invisible, angry with society for being like it is, and even angry with God for letting - or making - me to be the way that I am.

In the past few weeks, I have noticed a number of people referencing the Psalms as examples of honest prayer.¹ Feeling a little indignant regarding my circumstances, I decided to search the Internet for Psalms that deal with anger toward God. In my search results,² I came across the tenth Psalm which begins:

Why, O Lord, do You stand far off?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?

The one who wrote this Psalm begins his prayer upset with God for seeming inactive and even absent in a time of great turmoil. It is as if the psalmist is saying, "Where are You, God? Why aren't you doing anything? Are you even watching this?" The psalmist then continues to vent - to God - his feelings of anger about the injustice going on all around him, about how cruelly the wicked among the rich and powerful are treating those less fortunate and about how much they seem to profit from it. He goes into great detail about how he feels, describing how he views the greedy, the ruthless, and the godless, comparing them to lions stalking their prey. The psalmist then asks God to take action and to punish those who have been abusing others.

With the fourteenth verse, the tone of the Psalm begins to change. The psalmist, Having expressed his anger and frustration, begins to remember the truth that God is always present, that God always hears our prayers, that God is in control, and that God cares about the oppressed and the needy.

Many of us feel uncomfortable with the idea of being angry with God. It is God who created the universe. It is God who has given us all of the blessings we have experienced in this life. It is God who has shown us such great love, mercy, and grace. What right do we have to be angry with such a wonderful God? Whether or not anger toward God is ever justified is actually irrelevant. If you are angry with God, condemning yourself for your anger, burying your anger under positive thinking, or pretending that you're not angry will not make the anger go away.

I recently heard someone say that one should treat his or her relationship with God as one would treat a relationship with a friend or a family member. For many of us, prayer can seem like speaking to some imaginary friend up in the sky; however, God is a very real person in each of our lives. When you are angry with a friend, what do you do? Do you bury your anger, or do you tell your friend how you feel? If you bury your anger, giving it the opportunity fester within yourself, you risk destroying your friendship. The right thing to do is to tell your friend how you feel. Regardless of whether you are right or wrong in your anger, a true friend will listen to you and respect your feelings. By telling your friend how you feel, you open the door for reconciliation.

All relationships require work to maintain, and all relationships have times of difficulty. Why should one's relationship with God be any different? Much of the Bible deals with the relationship between God and the people of Israel. Interestingly enough, the word Israel means "struggles with God."³

When we pray, we may feel as though we are talking to the ceiling, wondering if anyone is actually listening to us, but prayer is actually a two-way conversation. When we speak to God, God not only listens but also speaks back to us, though it is not necessarily audible. When we pray, we open ourselves up to God's healing and transforming power in our lives.⁴ I think that this may have been what the author of the tenth Psalm experienced. Once he opened up to God, expressing all of his feelings, he began to remember the truth of God's presence, mercy, and love.

I have seen this phenomenon in my own life in the last few weeks. Recently I began asking God for a major change, specifically a girlfriend. God has not yet given me a companion, but I believe that God has been working within me more noticeably since I started praying. I feel as though God is preparing me for a relationship with another person by bringing healing into my life and by teaching me lessons about patience, hope, trust, and openness.

I will not tell you that anger toward God is justified, and I will not condemn anger toward God. If you ever do feel angry toward God, tell Him! Tell God how you truly feel, knowing that God is a true friend who listens to you and who cares about your feelings. Realize that prayer is a two-way conversation and that God will speak back to you, giving you the opportunity to be transformed and to draw closer to Him.


Notes:
1 - For two examples, see the following:
Sharing the Journey: "Praying FOR Others"
Upper Room Daily Reflections: "Praying the Psalms"
2 - Thinking Christians: "Angry Prayer"
3 - Genesis 32:28
4 - Rob Bell. Nooma 019 | Open. 2008, Flannel / Zondervan.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Perspective: More than Chemicals

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

More than Chemicals

Scripture:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 22:39

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into Eternity

From "Hosanna" by Brooke Frasier

A friend of mine once told me that there are certain brain chemicals that can cause people to feel as though they are in love. I decided to do some research on this and learned a great deal. One of these chemicals is oxytocin which is affectionately known as the "cuddle hormone." This chemical is commonly associated with bonding between humans.¹ Another of these love chemicals is dopamine, which increases heart rate.² This explains why your heart races when you are with the one you love. Another is serotonin, which causes symptoms similar to those of obsessive compulsive disorder. This explains why your special someone is constantly on your mind when you are in love. Other chemicals associated with falling in love are, vasopressin, norepinepherine, nerve growth factor, and, of course, the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone.³

My friend went on to tell me that the chemicals that make people feel that they are in love tend to lose their effect after about seven years. This explains the phenomenon known as the "seven year itch," the tendency to leave or betray one's lover after a number of years together.

I have heard people say that love is a feeling. While I understand that I am young and have less life experience than others, I believe with every fiber of my being that love is not a feeling. It is true that we tend to have a "warm, fuzzy feeling" about a significant other, friends, family, and other loved ones, but this feeling itself is not love. After all, it is completely possible to feel upset or angry with the people in our lives and still love them. While it is true that love is something that can be felt, love is something more than feelings, something more than chemicals.

The Bible tells us a lot about love, but the Bible does not seem to contain a clear-cut definition of love. Perhaps love is not something that can truly be defined in mortal language. Perhaps, at most, love can only be described. St. Paul, in his first letter to the church in Corinth, describes love in great detail in what is often called the "Love Chapter."⁴ According to Paul, love is patient, kind, hopeful, and enduring. Love is not envious, arrogant, resentful, or selfish. Love wants what is good and what is true.⁵ St. John links love to the very nature of God, saying that God is love. To know God is to love, and to love is to know God.⁶

When asked what is the greatest commandment, Jesus replies that the greatest is, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." Jesus goes on to say that the second greatest is, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."⁷

Sci-fi author Robert A. Heinlein said, "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." I think that this statement is much like Christ's second commandment. When you truly love another person, that person's well-being is just as important to you as your own well-being. When you love a person, that person's hopes and dreams are just as important to you as your own hopes and dreams. On that note, I think that loving God means the same thing. A person who truly loves God will want his or her will to be the same as God's will, just as Christ prayed, "Not what I want but what You want."⁸

I have noticed something very interesting about the word "passion." Often we associate passion with enthusiasm or fervor. For example, we think of someone being passionate about a cause, meaning that that the person is driven by that cause. We also think about loving someone passionately. The original meaning of the word "passion" was quite different. The word "passion" is derived from the Latin word "passio," which means "suffering."⁹ People often call the week leading up to Christ's crucifixion, "Passion Week." Christ loved humanity passionately, and His desire for our redemption drove Him to endure suffering on the cross for our sake.

Love is not a "warm, fuzzy feeling." Love can actually be quite painful at times. Love can mean suffering for someone else, crying for someone else, or even telling a person goodbye though you desire to be with that person.

St. Paul notes in his description of love that life is completely meaningless without love. Anything that is said without love is nothing but noise. No matter what talents you have to offer the world, if you do not have love, you offer nothing. Whatever you do is all for naught, if it is not done out of love.¹⁰

As you seek love in your life, remember that love is not just a feeling. Remember that truly loving someone is wanting what is best for him or her as much as you want what is best for yourself. Remember that love gives our lives meaning and that love brings out the best in us. Remember that loving God and loving each other is what we are meant for. Remember that God is love.


Notes:
1 - Wikipedia: Oxytocin
2 - Wikipedia: Dopamine
3 - Wikipedia: Chemical basis for love
4 - 1 Corinthians 13
5 - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
6 - 1 John 4:7-8
7 - Matthew 22:34-40
8 - Matthew 26:39
9 - Wiktionary: passion
10 - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Sermon: Not Like Us

Delivered at Bethel United Methodist Church on October 17, 2010.
I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Not Like Us

Scripture:

Then Jesus told them a parable about their need to pray always and not to lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor had respect for people. In that city there was a widow who kept coming to him and saying, 'Grant me justice against my opponent.' For a while he refused; but later he said to himself, 'Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming.'" And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God grant justice to His chosen ones who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long in helping them? I tell you, He will quickly grant justice to them. And yet, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on earth?"

Luke 18:1-8

I am full of Earth
You are Heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt
Prone to depravity
You are everything
That is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity

From "Wholly Yours" by The David Crowder Band

During the 90s there was a popular television sitcom called Family Matters. This series centered around the Winslows, a middle-class African-American family living in the Windy City. One of the show's recurring themes was the relationship between the Winslows' daughter Laura and their neighbor Steve Urkel. Steve was smitten with Laura, but he was not the type of boy that Laura and most girls would consider the ideal boyfriend. Though he was honest, intelligent, and kind, he was also annoying, clumsy, and flamboyantly nerdy. Steve spoke in a high, nasally voice, wore suspenders that pulled his pants up way too high, and snorted every time he laughed. His interests included science, polka music, the accordion, and cheese.

Steve pursued a romantic relationship with Laura persistently for many years, but he was always met with rejection. Nevertheless, the two were always good friends who looked out for each other. Sometimes, when Steve would see a glimmer of hope for a future with Laura or some sign of fondness on her part, he would say to her, "I'm wearing you down, baby. I'm wearing you dowwwn!" Eventually Steve's persistence paid off. At the end of the series' nine-year run, the two were engaged to be married.

Jesus tells a story about another person who sought to wear somebody down. In this story, there is a judge, most likely a Roman magistrate. It was the job of the magistrates to arbitrate between disputing parties, much in the same way that modern judges settle lawsuits. Roman magistrates were notorious for corruption: justice was a commodity that was bought and sold.¹ Jesus describes this particular judge as having neither respect for God nor compassion for his fellow human beings. This man who is meant to be an agent of justice does not even know the meaning of the word "justice." Instead, he does what is best for himself: he looks out only for "number one."

In this story there is also a nameless woman. We know nothing about her except that she has been widowed, that she is most likely poor, and that she has suffered some sort of injustice. One day she approaches the judge, begging him to hear her case. He shrugs her off. After all, what is a poor widow like her to a man of power and importance like him? This judge might not know the meaning of the word "justice," but this woman does not know the meaning of the word "no." The woman does not give up but continues to appeal to the judge over and over and over and over again, crying out for justice. Time and time again, the judge continues to brush her off, refusing to hear her case.

Eventually, the judge realizes that this woman is never going to leave him alone. He thinks to himself, "Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming." To call this woman persistent is an understatement: the Greek words translated as "wear me out" are better understood "give me a black eye." The judge realizes that this woman will either make him look bad, resort to physical violence, or beat him down emotionally with her constant nagging.² To spare himself the trouble, he agrees to help the poor widow. The widow has effectively worn down the unjust judge with her persistence.

In this theatre called life, I feel as though I have played the part of this widow.

In the summer of 2007, I was working part-time at my Alma Mater, having just graduated with a bachelors degree in computer science. One day, I received a call from a woman trying to fill a software engineering position at a small local company. The woman warned me that the company was in the gambling industry and asked me if I had any problem with that. I said that I did not. Weeks later, I was contacted by the company's chief operations officer, and, after two interviews, I was offered the position. On the one hand, I was not crazy about the idea of working in the gambling industry, and the interviews had left me with an uneasy feeling. On the other hand, I was afraid that, with no prior job experience and with more and more technology-related jobs moving overseas, I would not be able to find another job. I accepted the job offer.

I always hated telling people what kind of work I did. I always feared what people might think of me for working in an industry that provides people with nothing but the means to waste their hard-earned money. Even so, I tried to be straightforward about it. When I told people where I worked or what I did, I always followed up with a statement that I did not want to do this job my entire life. On at least one occasion, I felt the need to provide an unwarranted justification for my working in the gambling industry, though now I think I was probably just trying to convince myself that my choices were justified. Though I was ashamed of my job, I had to admit that the money was good. I was up to my neck in debt because of student loans, and my salary gave me a good reason to stick with this job. At first, I planned to stay with the job for two years and then move on to something else. After my probation period ended, I was given a pay raise, and I thought that I would perhaps stay with the job for three years.

After my first major crunch period, I decided that I needed to get out of that job right away. I was surrounded by workaholics and demanding bosses, but I just could not - or rather would not - dedicate myself to that industry to the extent that they had. To me, a good salary was not worth late nights at the office and lost weekends. Because of my shame, I had tried to compartmentalize my life, completely divorcing my life at work from my life outside of work, and I started feeling that my job was breaking the boundaries I had placed on it. I became miserable and constantly stressed, fearing that an industry that I was hating more and more was going to take over my life as it had the lives of my coworkers.

I wanted out, but I could not simply quit. If I did, no other company would hire me. I considered another job, but I was not even sure that I wanted to work with computers any longer. Pursuing another job seemed like changing horses mid-stream. I felt like my back was up against the wall. I regretted majoring in computer science, and I lamented the lack of direction in life that had led me to this predicament. I once told some people that I felt like a jellyfish that did nothing but float its way through life until it was stranded on the beach by the tide, left with no option but to perish under the sun.³

With seemingly no options, I decided to pray. Every morning before work, I would join hands with my mother and pray for God to call me away from my job. The months went by, but, workday after workday, I prayed to God for a solution to my problem. About nine months later, the decision was taken out of my hands. The company announced that it was consolidating its offices and moving its operations out of state. I finally had a valid reason to leave the company. With no intent of following the company out of state, I was laid off twenty-three months after I accepted the job. I was finally free, free from debt and free from the job I hated, but I still needed to find another job.

Throughout my time at my previous job, one particular place had lodged itself into the back of my mind. When I started looking for work, I decided to look at this place's website to see if there were any job openings. By some miracle, there was indeed a job opening, and I met the qualifications for it. I submitted an application, and two interviews and two and a half months later, I became a computer programmer at Greenville Technical College.

I prayed persistently that God would call me away from the job I hated, and, months later, God finally answered my prayers. Was I like the widow in Jesus' parable, appealing to my Judge over and over and over and over again until He finally agreed to hear my case? Did I wear God down with my constant praying?

A number of Jesus' parables are meant to tell us what God is like. From these parables, we learn that God is like a gracious father who is so overjoyed to see His wayward children return to Him, that He forgets all the wrong they have done and welcomes them home. We learn that God is like a good shepherd who does not consider one missing sheep an acceptable loss and will go out of His way to find those in His flock who go astray. We learn that God is like a gardener who refuses to cut down a tree until He has given it every possible chance to grow and to bear fruit. With all of these powerful, loving images of God in mind, what are we to do with this story of an unjust judge? Unlike other parables, this story is not meant to show us what God is like but to show us what God is not like.

The judge in Jesus' parable is more representative of a broken humanity. Though the judge was called to be an agent of justice in the world, he instead used his position for his own personal gain. He cared not about the laws of the world nor the laws of God. Instead he did only what was beneficial for himself. He would not hear the widow's case because it was of no benefit to himself to do so. Likewise, we, as humans, are prone to selfishness. We are called to serve God and to do good in this world, but we often go our own way, seeking to serve ourselves.

God is not like us.

God reveals, through the prophet Isaiah, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways... For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."⁴ Humanity is broken, but God is perfect. God's wisdom is infinitely greater than ours: God knows what is best for each of us. His will for us is justice and mercy, and His motive in all of His interactions with us is His intense love for us.

Even though people have a tendency to be self-serving, humanity still has a basic understanding of what is right and what is wrong. C. S. Lewis called this concept the "Law of Human Nature." This sense of what is just is written into our very nature as human beings. Even though we do not always do what is right, we do, in general, know what is right.⁵ Sometimes, despite our own brokenness, we humans actually do what is right, as shown by the actions of the unjust judge. His decision, "I will grant her justice," shows that he knew all along that helping the widow was the right thing to do, and, in the end, he actually decided to do what was right.

Jesus elaborates on His parable, saying, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God grant justice to His chosen ones who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long in helping them? I tell you, He will quickly grant justice to them." I think that the point that Jesus is making with this parable is that, if this extremely corrupt judge would do what is right for the poor widow under coercion, then God, whose ways are higher than humanity's, will do what is right for us because it is His will to do so. If human beings in their brokenness are capable of doing what is right at least some of the time, then God in His holiness will do what is right for us all of the time.

On another occasion, Jesus poses the question, "Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion?"⁶ If you think that this question sounds absurd, then you are probably reacting in the way that Jesus intended. Only someone truly depraved would give his or her children snakes or scorpions when their children are hungry. It is the natural instinct of parents to want to provide for their children's needs. Jesus knows this, so He follows up His bizarre question by saying, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"⁷

Often we speak of God's loving nature, saying things like "God is Love." As children, we learned to sing "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Still, somehow many of us get it into our heads that God likes to throw snakes and scorpions at us when we are already suffering from the pangs of hunger. How many times have we thought to ourselves that God hates us, that He is out to get us, or that He likes to make life miserable for us? We need to banish this bad theology from our lives. We need to abandon these negative perceptions of God, because nothing could be further from the truth.

Think about the people you love the most, perhaps your children, your spouse, your parents, or your friends. If we humans are capable of loving someone unconditionally and unselfishly, then the God whose thoughts are higher than our thoughts and whose ways are higher than our ways must love us, His children, more than we can even imagine!⁸

To answer my own question, no, I did not wear God down with my constant petitions to Him for help. God, in His wisdom, knew that the job I had accepted was not what was right for me. Not only did He provide me a way out of my predicament, He also provided me with an opportunity to use my computer skills for the benefit of others, not to mention the fact that He also provided me with a tough lesson in taking some ownership of my life. These were things that God knew I truly needed. I cannot explain the entire chain of events except for God's love and providence.

The judge in Jesus' story did not care about hearing the problems of others unless they had something to offer him in return. In the end, he only helped the widow because she would not leave him alone. By contrast, our God is "merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."⁹ Throughout the Scriptures, we are constantly invited to pray, seeking help from God. St. Peter writes, "Cast all your anxiety on [God], because He cares for you."¹⁰ St. Paul in his letter to the Philippians writes, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."¹¹ In another letter Paul encourages us to "pray without ceasing."¹² Christ himself says, "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you."¹³ With all of these invitations to go to God in prayer, I can come to no other conclusion but that God wants to hear our prayers.

Theologian William Barclay offers six of guidelines for praying. First, pray with the knowledge that God knows better than we do what is best for us. God may not give us what we want, but He will give us what we need. Second pray with the knowledge that, while we have a limited understanding of things, God sees the bigger picture. Third, pray sincerely. The widow in Jesus' story would not have kept going back to the judge over and over again if she were not sincere in her request. Fourth, be definite in your prayers. Tell God exactly what is on your heart. Fifth, pray with a willingness to give God your cooperation. If we are going to ask God for help, we must be willing to do our part. Finally, pray for God's will to be done.¹⁴ When we do so, we open ourselves up to God's transforming power in our lives.¹⁵

Whatever is on your mind, whatever you are feeling, whatever is troubling your heart, pray! Pray, knowing that you can go to God with anything. Pray, knowing that God wants to hear your prayers. Pray, knowing that God wants to give you what is best for you. Pray, knowing that God loves you more than you can even imagine.

Amen.


Notes:
1 - William Barclay. The Parables of Jesus. 1999, Westminster John Knox Press. p. 114
2 - Barclay, p. 115
3 - See my introspection “Jellyfish and Currents”
4 - Isaiah 55:8
5 - C.S. Lewis. Mere Christianity. Book I, Chapter 1.
6 - Luke 11:11-12
7 - Luke 11:13
8 - John Burke. No Perfect People Allowed. 2005, Zondervan. p. 213
9 - Exodus 34:6
10 - 1 Peter 5:7 (emphasis added)
11 - Philippians 4:6
12 - 1 Thessalonians 5:17
13 - Luke 11:9
14 - Barclay, p. 117-119
15 - Rob Bell. Nooma 019 | Open. 2008, Flannel / Zondervan.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Introspection: My Longing, My Prayer

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


My Longing, My Prayer

Scripture:

Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the LORD's house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, "LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine."

"Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him."

She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

1 Samuel 1:9-18 (TNIV)

No, I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I - I can't go on
These precious words keeps me hangin' on
I remember Mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

From "You Can't Hurry Love," originally sung by The Supremes

In the Bible, there is a story about a woman named Hannah. Hannah wants, more than anything else in the world, to have a child of her own, but, unfortunately, she is unable to have children. Hannah is adored by her husband. He loves her more than he loves the rest of his family, even more than he loves his second wife with whom he does have children.¹ Even though Hannah has always had the affections of her husband, her ever-present longing for a child has caused her a great deal of misery. To make matters worse, Hannah's sister-wife sometimes, out of jealousy, taunts Hannah because she has children and Hannah does not.

Every year, Hannah and her family make a pilgrimage to Shiloh to make an offering to God. One year, while Hannah is with her family in Shiloh, she is so distraught that she is unable to eat. At the end of her rope, she decides to turn her longing over to God and asks Him for a son. She goes on to promise that, if God will give her a son, she will give her son back to God, dedicating him to God's service.

Hannah prays silently: her lips move, but no audible words come out of her mouth. This causes Eli, the priest on duty at the house of the Lord, to accuse her of being drunk. Hannah tells Eli that she was praying to God because she was in anguish. Eli then has compassion on her and asks for God's blessing upon her. Praying and speaking with Eli puts Hannah's heart at ease, and Hannah is able to eat again.

God blesses Hannah with a baby boy, whom she names Samuel. At a young age, Samuel begins working with Eli in the house of the Lord at Shiloh. Samuel grows up to become a great prophet of God in Israel.²

In a strange way, I can relate to Hannah. Like Hannah, I know what it is like to desire something that I fear that I will never have. While Hannah desperately wanted a child, I wish I had a girlfriend. I have wanted a romantic relationship for a very long time now, but my introversion, my self-consciousness, and my shyness have made interacting with females extremely difficult for me. Bad experiences in high school followed by years of emotional self-abuse had left me feeling that I was, for some reason, unlovable and that no woman in her right mind would ever want me.

I have not abandoned all hope, for I have begun to rethink this area of my life lately. Hannah's story gives me hope, so I have decided to follow Hannah's example and to turn my longing over to God. I have started to pray every day that God will lead me to someone with whom I can share my life.

I must admit that I feel a little bit selfish for praying for a girlfriend. After all, I have a lot to be thankful for: I have a family and friends who care about me; I have a job; I have good health; and, most importantly, I am a beloved child of God. With all these things, I feel that I should not want anything but that I should be happy with my life the way it is. I think that Hannah must have felt the same way at times. Hannah was loved dearly, and her husband wondered why he was not enough for her.

Not all desires are inherently bad. The desire for companionship, much like the desire to have children, is a natural part of being human. These are desires that God programmed into our very nature: we are wired for these things. In the creation story, after Adam is created, God notes that it is not right for him to be alone, so God gives Adam a companion, Eve.³

Hannah promised that, if God gave her a son, she would give him back to God. To follow Hannah's example, I pray for God to help me to always live for Him. I also pray that God, if He does bring someone into my life, will help both of us together to live for Him.

I have decided to finally put aside my bitterness, my despair, and my self-pity and to reclaim the hope that I will someday fall in love and be loved in return. I have put my hopes and desires into God's hands, as I daily pray that God will give me someone with whom to share my life. Daily I rededicate myself to God by asking Him to help me to always live my life serving Him. I pray that God will continue to do so even if He does bring someone special into my life. I pray that she will also desire to serve God, and that together we will give our lives to Him.


Notes:
1 - Polygamy was permitted in ancient Hebrew culture, but most stories of polygamous relationships in the Bible will show you that it is not, by any means, a good thing.
2 - For Hannah's story in its entirety see 1 Samuel 1.
3 - Genesis 2:18, 21-24

If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Introspection: Through My Glasses, Darkly

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Through My Glasses, Darkly

Scripture:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (TNIV)

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me, should I stay here
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You

From "Revelation" by Third Day

Last weekend I went with some of my college-aged friends on a little excursion to Pisgah National Forest. One of the things that draws visitors to this place is a waterfall called "Sliding Rock." This waterfall's gentle slope and pool at the bottom make it a naturally-occurring water slide. At first I was not going to join my friends in sliding down this rock, but, at the last minute, I changed my mind. Unfortunately, in the excitement of the whole experience, I neglected to take off my glasses, and I lost them when I hit the pool.

At first, I was not too worried about losing my glasses. They were over six years old; the lenses were chipped; and the frame was bent. They set crookedly on my face and sometimes fell off when I looked down. I had been planning to buy new glasses for nearly a year, but indecisiveness in selecting a frame had caused me to put it off. I shrugged it off as a minor setback: I did not even search for them. Besides, I did not want to be "that guy who holds up the line because he lost something." I would wear old glasses until I could get a copy of my prescription and then buy new glasses at the mall.

I had forgotten that I depend on my glasses to see. The only old glasses I could still wear were ones I used back in high school, and my eyes had changed so much since then that, when I wore them, things still appeared fuzzy at a slight distance. It was hard to read things from a distance, so I would still need to squint. Straining my eyes gave me headaches, and the blurry vision made me feel as though I was in a constant haze. Perhaps the worst part was not being able to see people's faces from a distance. My blurry vision put me in a bad mood.

Five days later, I finally got my new glasses, and they made a world of difference for me. I was able to see so much better than I had become accustomed. It was almost overwhelming. Everything I saw seemed so clear and beautiful. I had never realized how much I took my vision for granted.

The whole incident made me think about the bigger picture. Many things in my life are not as I want them to be. Just as I spent several days unable to see clearly, I feel as though I am still trying to navigate my whole life with blurry vision. I have already realized that I need to ask God to open my eyes and to show me His will for my life. Despite this revelation, I think that I am still trying to squint my way through life. What is holding me back from turning my whole life over to God?

I recently told my pastor that I think I am struggling with functional atheism. A functional atheist is a person who believes in God, but lives and acts as if God is not really there or as if he or she does not really need God. Why do I content myself with repeatedly failing and cursing my weaknesses when God wants to give me strength? Why do I continue to bear the burden of worry when God invites me to cast all of my anxiety on Him?¹ Why do I lament all the things that I dislike about my life when I could make things lot easier on myself and simply turn these things over to God?

I think that it takes a number of things to truly turn one's life over to God. First, it takes humility.² As my pastor pointed out to me, we need to accept the fact that we are indeed broken. We also need to be honest and admit that we cannot fix ourselves. We then need to open ourselves up to help from God and from the people through whom God wants to help us. Second, letting God direct our lives requires surrender.³ Sometimes we have to put our own desires aside for the greater good of God's will. What we want is not always what is best, but God always wants what is best for everyone. Third, we need patience.⁴ People want instant gratification, but God does not operate on anyone's schedule. He knows what is best for us, and gives us what is best in His own time.⁵

Perhaps I am lacking in these things. Maybe I do not want to admit to myself that I am broken and that I cannot fix myself. Perhaps I am afraid that God's will for my life will not be what I want it to be. Maybe I am afraid that God's will might be difficult or painful. Maybe I just do not want to wait for God to fix me.

I need to loosen my grip on my own life and truly turn it over to God so that He can do His will with it. I need to ask God for the humility to admit that I cannot do everything on my own. I need to ask God to help me to surrender my own desires to His perfect will. I need to ask God for the patience to wait for Him to act in His own time. I need to give up my own blindness and to accept the beautiful, abundant life that God has in store for me.


1 - 1 Peter 5:7
2 - James 4:10
3 - Proverbs 3:5-6
4 - Isaiah 40:31
5 - I am not saying that these are the only things that are needed to follow God's will. These are just some of them.


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Introspection: Signed, Sealed, and Delivered

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Signed, Sealed, and Delivered

Scripture:

It's in Christ that you, once you heard the truth and believed it (this Message of your salvation), found yourselves home free - signed, sealed, and delivered by the Holy Spirit. This signet from God is the first installment on what's coming, a reminder that we'll get everything God has planned for us, a praising and glorious life.

Ephesians 1:13-14 (The Message)

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved

From "I Will Not Be Moved" by Natalie Grant

Not long ago, a fellow Sunday School teacher at my church asked me to deliver the lesson on a particular date. Having looked ahead in the Sunday School book, I asked if I could teach the lesson for the Sunday afterward. The lesson he asked me to teach was about giving of oneself, and I did not feel as though I was the best person to teach on that subject. Case in point, I find myself becoming irritable when people ask me to fix their computers for them. After sitting in front of a computer for nine hours at work, fixing computers is the last thing I want to do afterward. At the same time, I know that my attitude is wrong. I possess skills that others do not, and I know that I should use those skills to help people.

I am a man who has many faults, and probably a majority of those faults are related to my attitude. One fault is my tendency to be overly critical of myself. Recently, this caused me to go through a difficult time marked with discouragement and self-doubt. I felt as though I was constantly brought face-to-face with my own hypocrisy. I felt like my life consisted of one mistake after another. I had St. Paul's dilemma of doing what I should not do and not doing what I should do.¹ I just could not seem to escape from my faults, and I started becoming really sick of myself and my attitude.

Times like this become worse when someone feels the need to point out one of my faults to me. It overwhelms me because I am already pointing out my own faults to myself. When someone does decide to call me on one of my shortcomings, I usually have a dual reaction: part of me (wrongly) wants to beat myself up because the other person is probably right, while part of me (wrongly) wants to lash out at the other person for making me feel worse about myself. Of course, I know that being angry with the other person is also the wrong attitude to have, so further down the spiral I go.

And yet with all of these faults, I have the audacity to think that I am somehow called to proclaim God's message to people through my blog and through my Sunday School lessons. Sometimes I feel as though I should leave this duty to those who do a better job of practicing what they preach, to those who really live and act like Christians. One night a few months ago, I got into an argument and completely lost my cool. To make matters worse, I was supposed to teach Sunday School a few days later. Ashamed of myself, I asked my mother how I was supposed to teach after "losing my religion," so to speak. She replied, "The same way you always do."

I recently realized that I don't study the Bible enough for myself: most of my studies lately have been in group Bible studies or in preparation for my lessons. I have started reading the Letter to the Ephesians and recording my thoughts. One evening a few weeks ago, I sat down to read my Bible, though at the time I felt as though it was pretty much pointless since I would probably never change my ways. I am glad that I decided to go ahead and read, because God gave me exactly what I needed to read at the time. That evening, the following words caught my attention:
In Him [Christ] you also, when you had heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and had believed in Him, were marked with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit; this is the pledge of our inheritance toward redemption as God's own people, to the praise of His glory.²

I may have a lot of faults, but God has a lot of grace.

A few years ago, I needed to get a form notarized. Fortunately, a friend of a friend was a notary public. When I met with her, she used a contraption to imprint a seal into the form. Similarly, ancient kings would use their signet rings to put seals on documents to make them official. In the Bible verses above, St. Paul compares the Holy Spirit to such a seal. He states that the presence of the Holy Spirit in a person's life shows that the person's redemption - forgiveness and reconciliation with God - is official.³

There are times when I don't do what I should do, and there are times when I do what I shouldn't do. There are even times when I lose my cool completely. Even so, God does not give up on me, even when I am tempted to give up on myself. Despite my faults, God's Spirit is still working in my heart to make me into the person I need to be, and God's Spirit is still working through me, providing me with messages to share with others. This "seal" in my life reminds me that my redemption is assured. God will deal with all of my faults in time and bring me closer to Him in the process.

If we trust in God, He will see us through tough times and help us to overcome our faults. God does not give up on us, so we must not give up on ourselves.


1 - Romans 7:14-15
2 - Ephesians 1:13-14 (NRSV)
3 - Wesley Study Bible: notes on Ephesians 1:3-14


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.