Perspective: More than Chemicals

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

More than Chemicals

Scripture:

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

Matthew 22:39

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from Earth into Eternity

From "Hosanna" by Brooke Frasier

A friend of mine once told me that there are certain brain chemicals that can cause people to feel as though they are in love. I decided to do some research on this and learned a great deal. One of these chemicals is oxytocin which is affectionately known as the "cuddle hormone." This chemical is commonly associated with bonding between humans.¹ Another of these love chemicals is dopamine, which increases heart rate.² This explains why your heart races when you are with the one you love. Another is serotonin, which causes symptoms similar to those of obsessive compulsive disorder. This explains why your special someone is constantly on your mind when you are in love. Other chemicals associated with falling in love are, vasopressin, norepinepherine, nerve growth factor, and, of course, the sex hormones estrogen and testosterone.³

My friend went on to tell me that the chemicals that make people feel that they are in love tend to lose their effect after about seven years. This explains the phenomenon known as the "seven year itch," the tendency to leave or betray one's lover after a number of years together.

I have heard people say that love is a feeling. While I understand that I am young and have less life experience than others, I believe with every fiber of my being that love is not a feeling. It is true that we tend to have a "warm, fuzzy feeling" about a significant other, friends, family, and other loved ones, but this feeling itself is not love. After all, it is completely possible to feel upset or angry with the people in our lives and still love them. While it is true that love is something that can be felt, love is something more than feelings, something more than chemicals.

The Bible tells us a lot about love, but the Bible does not seem to contain a clear-cut definition of love. Perhaps love is not something that can truly be defined in mortal language. Perhaps, at most, love can only be described. St. Paul, in his first letter to the church in Corinth, describes love in great detail in what is often called the "Love Chapter."⁴ According to Paul, love is patient, kind, hopeful, and enduring. Love is not envious, arrogant, resentful, or selfish. Love wants what is good and what is true.⁵ St. John links love to the very nature of God, saying that God is love. To know God is to love, and to love is to know God.⁶

When asked what is the greatest commandment, Jesus replies that the greatest is, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind." Jesus goes on to say that the second greatest is, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."⁷

Sci-fi author Robert A. Heinlein said, "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." I think that this statement is much like Christ's second commandment. When you truly love another person, that person's well-being is just as important to you as your own well-being. When you love a person, that person's hopes and dreams are just as important to you as your own hopes and dreams. On that note, I think that loving God means the same thing. A person who truly loves God will want his or her will to be the same as God's will, just as Christ prayed, "Not what I want but what You want."⁸

I have noticed something very interesting about the word "passion." Often we associate passion with enthusiasm or fervor. For example, we think of someone being passionate about a cause, meaning that that the person is driven by that cause. We also think about loving someone passionately. The original meaning of the word "passion" was quite different. The word "passion" is derived from the Latin word "passio," which means "suffering."⁹ People often call the week leading up to Christ's crucifixion, "Passion Week." Christ loved humanity passionately, and His desire for our redemption drove Him to endure suffering on the cross for our sake.

Love is not a "warm, fuzzy feeling." Love can actually be quite painful at times. Love can mean suffering for someone else, crying for someone else, or even telling a person goodbye though you desire to be with that person.

St. Paul notes in his description of love that life is completely meaningless without love. Anything that is said without love is nothing but noise. No matter what talents you have to offer the world, if you do not have love, you offer nothing. Whatever you do is all for naught, if it is not done out of love.¹⁰

As you seek love in your life, remember that love is not just a feeling. Remember that truly loving someone is wanting what is best for him or her as much as you want what is best for yourself. Remember that love gives our lives meaning and that love brings out the best in us. Remember that loving God and loving each other is what we are meant for. Remember that God is love.


Notes:
1 - Wikipedia: Oxytocin
2 - Wikipedia: Dopamine
3 - Wikipedia: Chemical basis for love
4 - 1 Corinthians 13
5 - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
6 - 1 John 4:7-8
7 - Matthew 22:34-40
8 - Matthew 26:39
9 - Wiktionary: passion
10 - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Sermon: Not Like Us

Delivered at Bethel United Methodist Church on October 17, 2010.
I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Not Like Us

Scripture:

Then Jesus told them a parable about their need to pray always and not to lose heart. He said, "In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor had respect for people. In that city there was a widow who kept coming to him and saying, 'Grant me justice against my opponent.' For a while he refused; but later he said to himself, 'Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming.'" And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God grant justice to His chosen ones who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long in helping them? I tell you, He will quickly grant justice to them. And yet, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on earth?"

Luke 18:1-8

I am full of Earth
You are Heaven’s worth
I am stained with dirt
Prone to depravity
You are everything
That is bright and clean
The antonym of me
You are divinity

From "Wholly Yours" by The David Crowder Band

During the 90s there was a popular television sitcom called Family Matters. This series centered around the Winslows, a middle-class African-American family living in the Windy City. One of the show's recurring themes was the relationship between the Winslows' daughter Laura and their neighbor Steve Urkel. Steve was smitten with Laura, but he was not the type of boy that Laura and most girls would consider the ideal boyfriend. Though he was honest, intelligent, and kind, he was also annoying, clumsy, and flamboyantly nerdy. Steve spoke in a high, nasally voice, wore suspenders that pulled his pants up way too high, and snorted every time he laughed. His interests included science, polka music, the accordion, and cheese.

Steve pursued a romantic relationship with Laura persistently for many years, but he was always met with rejection. Nevertheless, the two were always good friends who looked out for each other. Sometimes, when Steve would see a glimmer of hope for a future with Laura or some sign of fondness on her part, he would say to her, "I'm wearing you down, baby. I'm wearing you dowwwn!" Eventually Steve's persistence paid off. At the end of the series' nine-year run, the two were engaged to be married.

Jesus tells a story about another person who sought to wear somebody down. In this story, there is a judge, most likely a Roman magistrate. It was the job of the magistrates to arbitrate between disputing parties, much in the same way that modern judges settle lawsuits. Roman magistrates were notorious for corruption: justice was a commodity that was bought and sold.¹ Jesus describes this particular judge as having neither respect for God nor compassion for his fellow human beings. This man who is meant to be an agent of justice does not even know the meaning of the word "justice." Instead, he does what is best for himself: he looks out only for "number one."

In this story there is also a nameless woman. We know nothing about her except that she has been widowed, that she is most likely poor, and that she has suffered some sort of injustice. One day she approaches the judge, begging him to hear her case. He shrugs her off. After all, what is a poor widow like her to a man of power and importance like him? This judge might not know the meaning of the word "justice," but this woman does not know the meaning of the word "no." The woman does not give up but continues to appeal to the judge over and over and over and over again, crying out for justice. Time and time again, the judge continues to brush her off, refusing to hear her case.

Eventually, the judge realizes that this woman is never going to leave him alone. He thinks to himself, "Though I have no fear of God and no respect for anyone, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will grant her justice, so that she may not wear me out by continually coming." To call this woman persistent is an understatement: the Greek words translated as "wear me out" are better understood "give me a black eye." The judge realizes that this woman will either make him look bad, resort to physical violence, or beat him down emotionally with her constant nagging.² To spare himself the trouble, he agrees to help the poor widow. The widow has effectively worn down the unjust judge with her persistence.

In this theatre called life, I feel as though I have played the part of this widow.

In the summer of 2007, I was working part-time at my Alma Mater, having just graduated with a bachelors degree in computer science. One day, I received a call from a woman trying to fill a software engineering position at a small local company. The woman warned me that the company was in the gambling industry and asked me if I had any problem with that. I said that I did not. Weeks later, I was contacted by the company's chief operations officer, and, after two interviews, I was offered the position. On the one hand, I was not crazy about the idea of working in the gambling industry, and the interviews had left me with an uneasy feeling. On the other hand, I was afraid that, with no prior job experience and with more and more technology-related jobs moving overseas, I would not be able to find another job. I accepted the job offer.

I always hated telling people what kind of work I did. I always feared what people might think of me for working in an industry that provides people with nothing but the means to waste their hard-earned money. Even so, I tried to be straightforward about it. When I told people where I worked or what I did, I always followed up with a statement that I did not want to do this job my entire life. On at least one occasion, I felt the need to provide an unwarranted justification for my working in the gambling industry, though now I think I was probably just trying to convince myself that my choices were justified. Though I was ashamed of my job, I had to admit that the money was good. I was up to my neck in debt because of student loans, and my salary gave me a good reason to stick with this job. At first, I planned to stay with the job for two years and then move on to something else. After my probation period ended, I was given a pay raise, and I thought that I would perhaps stay with the job for three years.

After my first major crunch period, I decided that I needed to get out of that job right away. I was surrounded by workaholics and demanding bosses, but I just could not - or rather would not - dedicate myself to that industry to the extent that they had. To me, a good salary was not worth late nights at the office and lost weekends. Because of my shame, I had tried to compartmentalize my life, completely divorcing my life at work from my life outside of work, and I started feeling that my job was breaking the boundaries I had placed on it. I became miserable and constantly stressed, fearing that an industry that I was hating more and more was going to take over my life as it had the lives of my coworkers.

I wanted out, but I could not simply quit. If I did, no other company would hire me. I considered another job, but I was not even sure that I wanted to work with computers any longer. Pursuing another job seemed like changing horses mid-stream. I felt like my back was up against the wall. I regretted majoring in computer science, and I lamented the lack of direction in life that had led me to this predicament. I once told some people that I felt like a jellyfish that did nothing but float its way through life until it was stranded on the beach by the tide, left with no option but to perish under the sun.³

With seemingly no options, I decided to pray. Every morning before work, I would join hands with my mother and pray for God to call me away from my job. The months went by, but, workday after workday, I prayed to God for a solution to my problem. About nine months later, the decision was taken out of my hands. The company announced that it was consolidating its offices and moving its operations out of state. I finally had a valid reason to leave the company. With no intent of following the company out of state, I was laid off twenty-three months after I accepted the job. I was finally free, free from debt and free from the job I hated, but I still needed to find another job.

Throughout my time at my previous job, one particular place had lodged itself into the back of my mind. When I started looking for work, I decided to look at this place's website to see if there were any job openings. By some miracle, there was indeed a job opening, and I met the qualifications for it. I submitted an application, and two interviews and two and a half months later, I became a computer programmer at Greenville Technical College.

I prayed persistently that God would call me away from the job I hated, and, months later, God finally answered my prayers. Was I like the widow in Jesus' parable, appealing to my Judge over and over and over and over again until He finally agreed to hear my case? Did I wear God down with my constant praying?

A number of Jesus' parables are meant to tell us what God is like. From these parables, we learn that God is like a gracious father who is so overjoyed to see His wayward children return to Him, that He forgets all the wrong they have done and welcomes them home. We learn that God is like a good shepherd who does not consider one missing sheep an acceptable loss and will go out of His way to find those in His flock who go astray. We learn that God is like a gardener who refuses to cut down a tree until He has given it every possible chance to grow and to bear fruit. With all of these powerful, loving images of God in mind, what are we to do with this story of an unjust judge? Unlike other parables, this story is not meant to show us what God is like but to show us what God is not like.

The judge in Jesus' parable is more representative of a broken humanity. Though the judge was called to be an agent of justice in the world, he instead used his position for his own personal gain. He cared not about the laws of the world nor the laws of God. Instead he did only what was beneficial for himself. He would not hear the widow's case because it was of no benefit to himself to do so. Likewise, we, as humans, are prone to selfishness. We are called to serve God and to do good in this world, but we often go our own way, seeking to serve ourselves.

God is not like us.

God reveals, through the prophet Isaiah, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways... For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts."⁴ Humanity is broken, but God is perfect. God's wisdom is infinitely greater than ours: God knows what is best for each of us. His will for us is justice and mercy, and His motive in all of His interactions with us is His intense love for us.

Even though people have a tendency to be self-serving, humanity still has a basic understanding of what is right and what is wrong. C. S. Lewis called this concept the "Law of Human Nature." This sense of what is just is written into our very nature as human beings. Even though we do not always do what is right, we do, in general, know what is right.⁵ Sometimes, despite our own brokenness, we humans actually do what is right, as shown by the actions of the unjust judge. His decision, "I will grant her justice," shows that he knew all along that helping the widow was the right thing to do, and, in the end, he actually decided to do what was right.

Jesus elaborates on His parable, saying, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God grant justice to His chosen ones who cry to Him day and night? Will He delay long in helping them? I tell you, He will quickly grant justice to them." I think that the point that Jesus is making with this parable is that, if this extremely corrupt judge would do what is right for the poor widow under coercion, then God, whose ways are higher than humanity's, will do what is right for us because it is His will to do so. If human beings in their brokenness are capable of doing what is right at least some of the time, then God in His holiness will do what is right for us all of the time.

On another occasion, Jesus poses the question, "Is there anyone among you who, if your child asks for a fish, will give a snake instead of a fish? Or if the child asks for an egg, will give a scorpion?"⁶ If you think that this question sounds absurd, then you are probably reacting in the way that Jesus intended. Only someone truly depraved would give his or her children snakes or scorpions when their children are hungry. It is the natural instinct of parents to want to provide for their children's needs. Jesus knows this, so He follows up His bizarre question by saying, "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"⁷

Often we speak of God's loving nature, saying things like "God is Love." As children, we learned to sing "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Still, somehow many of us get it into our heads that God likes to throw snakes and scorpions at us when we are already suffering from the pangs of hunger. How many times have we thought to ourselves that God hates us, that He is out to get us, or that He likes to make life miserable for us? We need to banish this bad theology from our lives. We need to abandon these negative perceptions of God, because nothing could be further from the truth.

Think about the people you love the most, perhaps your children, your spouse, your parents, or your friends. If we humans are capable of loving someone unconditionally and unselfishly, then the God whose thoughts are higher than our thoughts and whose ways are higher than our ways must love us, His children, more than we can even imagine!⁸

To answer my own question, no, I did not wear God down with my constant petitions to Him for help. God, in His wisdom, knew that the job I had accepted was not what was right for me. Not only did He provide me a way out of my predicament, He also provided me with an opportunity to use my computer skills for the benefit of others, not to mention the fact that He also provided me with a tough lesson in taking some ownership of my life. These were things that God knew I truly needed. I cannot explain the entire chain of events except for God's love and providence.

The judge in Jesus' story did not care about hearing the problems of others unless they had something to offer him in return. In the end, he only helped the widow because she would not leave him alone. By contrast, our God is "merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness."⁹ Throughout the Scriptures, we are constantly invited to pray, seeking help from God. St. Peter writes, "Cast all your anxiety on [God], because He cares for you."¹⁰ St. Paul in his letter to the Philippians writes, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."¹¹ In another letter Paul encourages us to "pray without ceasing."¹² Christ himself says, "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you."¹³ With all of these invitations to go to God in prayer, I can come to no other conclusion but that God wants to hear our prayers.

Theologian William Barclay offers six of guidelines for praying. First, pray with the knowledge that God knows better than we do what is best for us. God may not give us what we want, but He will give us what we need. Second pray with the knowledge that, while we have a limited understanding of things, God sees the bigger picture. Third, pray sincerely. The widow in Jesus' story would not have kept going back to the judge over and over again if she were not sincere in her request. Fourth, be definite in your prayers. Tell God exactly what is on your heart. Fifth, pray with a willingness to give God your cooperation. If we are going to ask God for help, we must be willing to do our part. Finally, pray for God's will to be done.¹⁴ When we do so, we open ourselves up to God's transforming power in our lives.¹⁵

Whatever is on your mind, whatever you are feeling, whatever is troubling your heart, pray! Pray, knowing that you can go to God with anything. Pray, knowing that God wants to hear your prayers. Pray, knowing that God wants to give you what is best for you. Pray, knowing that God loves you more than you can even imagine.

Amen.


Notes:
1 - William Barclay. The Parables of Jesus. 1999, Westminster John Knox Press. p. 114
2 - Barclay, p. 115
3 - See my introspection “Jellyfish and Currents”
4 - Isaiah 55:8
5 - C.S. Lewis. Mere Christianity. Book I, Chapter 1.
6 - Luke 11:11-12
7 - Luke 11:13
8 - John Burke. No Perfect People Allowed. 2005, Zondervan. p. 213
9 - Exodus 34:6
10 - 1 Peter 5:7 (emphasis added)
11 - Philippians 4:6
12 - 1 Thessalonians 5:17
13 - Luke 11:9
14 - Barclay, p. 117-119
15 - Rob Bell. Nooma 019 | Open. 2008, Flannel / Zondervan.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Introspection: My Longing, My Prayer

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


My Longing, My Prayer

Scripture:

Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on his chair by the doorpost of the LORD's house. In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, "LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine."

"Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of Him."

She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

1 Samuel 1:9-18 (TNIV)

No, I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I - I can't go on
These precious words keeps me hangin' on
I remember Mama said:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

From "You Can't Hurry Love," originally sung by The Supremes

In the Bible, there is a story about a woman named Hannah. Hannah wants, more than anything else in the world, to have a child of her own, but, unfortunately, she is unable to have children. Hannah is adored by her husband. He loves her more than he loves the rest of his family, even more than he loves his second wife with whom he does have children.¹ Even though Hannah has always had the affections of her husband, her ever-present longing for a child has caused her a great deal of misery. To make matters worse, Hannah's sister-wife sometimes, out of jealousy, taunts Hannah because she has children and Hannah does not.

Every year, Hannah and her family make a pilgrimage to Shiloh to make an offering to God. One year, while Hannah is with her family in Shiloh, she is so distraught that she is unable to eat. At the end of her rope, she decides to turn her longing over to God and asks Him for a son. She goes on to promise that, if God will give her a son, she will give her son back to God, dedicating him to God's service.

Hannah prays silently: her lips move, but no audible words come out of her mouth. This causes Eli, the priest on duty at the house of the Lord, to accuse her of being drunk. Hannah tells Eli that she was praying to God because she was in anguish. Eli then has compassion on her and asks for God's blessing upon her. Praying and speaking with Eli puts Hannah's heart at ease, and Hannah is able to eat again.

God blesses Hannah with a baby boy, whom she names Samuel. At a young age, Samuel begins working with Eli in the house of the Lord at Shiloh. Samuel grows up to become a great prophet of God in Israel.²

In a strange way, I can relate to Hannah. Like Hannah, I know what it is like to desire something that I fear that I will never have. While Hannah desperately wanted a child, I wish I had a girlfriend. I have wanted a romantic relationship for a very long time now, but my introversion, my self-consciousness, and my shyness have made interacting with females extremely difficult for me. Bad experiences in high school followed by years of emotional self-abuse had left me feeling that I was, for some reason, unlovable and that no woman in her right mind would ever want me.

I have not abandoned all hope, for I have begun to rethink this area of my life lately. Hannah's story gives me hope, so I have decided to follow Hannah's example and to turn my longing over to God. I have started to pray every day that God will lead me to someone with whom I can share my life.

I must admit that I feel a little bit selfish for praying for a girlfriend. After all, I have a lot to be thankful for: I have a family and friends who care about me; I have a job; I have good health; and, most importantly, I am a beloved child of God. With all these things, I feel that I should not want anything but that I should be happy with my life the way it is. I think that Hannah must have felt the same way at times. Hannah was loved dearly, and her husband wondered why he was not enough for her.

Not all desires are inherently bad. The desire for companionship, much like the desire to have children, is a natural part of being human. These are desires that God programmed into our very nature: we are wired for these things. In the creation story, after Adam is created, God notes that it is not right for him to be alone, so God gives Adam a companion, Eve.³

Hannah promised that, if God gave her a son, she would give him back to God. To follow Hannah's example, I pray for God to help me to always live for Him. I also pray that God, if He does bring someone into my life, will help both of us together to live for Him.

I have decided to finally put aside my bitterness, my despair, and my self-pity and to reclaim the hope that I will someday fall in love and be loved in return. I have put my hopes and desires into God's hands, as I daily pray that God will give me someone with whom to share my life. Daily I rededicate myself to God by asking Him to help me to always live my life serving Him. I pray that God will continue to do so even if He does bring someone special into my life. I pray that she will also desire to serve God, and that together we will give our lives to Him.


Notes:
1 - Polygamy was permitted in ancient Hebrew culture, but most stories of polygamous relationships in the Bible will show you that it is not, by any means, a good thing.
2 - For Hannah's story in its entirety see 1 Samuel 1.
3 - Genesis 2:18, 21-24

If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.