Introspection: Hidden Clutter

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Hidden Clutter

Scripture:

Healthy people don't need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn't come to call righteous people, but sinners.

Mark 2:17 (CEB)

Come to Me, all you who are struggling hard and carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Put on My yoke, and learn from Me. I'm gentle and humble. And you will find rest for yourselves. My yoke is easy to bear, and My burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30 (CEB)

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain?
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

From "Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

Every year, in preparation for thanksgiving dinner at my house, my mother and I divide the responsibilities: my mom cooks while I clean. Most of my attention goes to the living room, which, unfortunately, accumulates a lot of clutter over time, the vast majority of it mine. When I start cleaning, the living room will actually look a lot worse before it starts to look better. This phenomenon occurs, because cleaning forces us to expose everything that has been swept under the rug - or, in my case, crammed in a corner behind a chair. Only when such clutter is brought to light can it be sorted out and dealt with properly.

Just as there is a lot of clutter in my living room, there is a lot of clutter in my life. These are things that I try to sweep under the proverbial rug or cram behind the metaphorical chair because I do not want people to see them in me. Case in point, earlier this week, I was able to leave work early, so I used the extra time to exercise. I noticed that one of the handlebars on my exercise bike was a little loose, so I decided to take it off to fix it. I had a great deal of trouble removing some of the bolts, and I lost my temper. As I worked on the bike, I yelled, threw a pair of pliers and a ratchet wrench at the floor, and employed a number of four-letter words that I know I should not have used. I was rather disgusted with myself afterward.

I was at home by myself when I lost my cool that day. Only a few people have seen this side of me. My anger is something that I have tried to keep hidden because I just do not want people to know about it. Had I been around other people while fixing my bike, I would have handled my frustration much more gracefully. Very few people have seen what I am actually like when I am angry. Normally, if I am angry around other people, I suppress my anger or deny it altogether.

The world can be a very judgmental and unforgiving place. Even in some churches, places intended for healing and mercy, weakness and failure are simply not allowed. Awareness of this has caused me to become some weird sort of perfectionist. I guard myself, fearful of what people might think if they knew the truth about me, that I have faults, that I have problems, that I am a sinner. I try to only let people see what I want them to see.

I like to read books and articles that are of a spiritual or religious nature. In the past couple of months, I was blessed to find two particular books that have truly resonated with me. The first is Healing for Damaged Emotions by David A. Seamands. As I read this book, I felt as though a majority of it was written especially for me. This work, written nearly thirty years ago, helps people to deal with things like low self-esteem, perfectionism, depression, and problems forgiving. In this book, the author teaches that nobody, not even a Christian, is invulnerable to such problems, that people should not be ashamed to admit these problems, and that Christ offers us healing.¹

The second book I have found is Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli. Each time I sat down to read this book, my eyes would burn at least once as I fought back tears, so moving are the stories contained within. In this book, the author teaches that a person does not have to be a perfect Christian to have a relationship with God and that God reaches out to us in our imperfections and in the messiness of our lives.²

As I was reading this latter work, I began to wonder why these two books spoke to me so deeply. It then dawned on me that these authors were speaking directly to my own brokenness, to the very parts of myself that I try to keep hidden from other people.

There are a number of problems that result from hiding one's brokenness. A person who hides his or her brokenness cannot be healed. Just as clutter in a messy room must be brought out into the open to be sorted out, brokenness must be brought to the light for healing to occur. Christ once said, "Healthy people don't need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn't come to call righteous people, but sinners." A sick person can only be treated if he or she is willing to admit that there is a problem and then go to see a doctor. Likewise, spiritual brokenness can only be healed if it is acknowledged and brought to God.³

A person who hides his or her brokenness also runs the risk of becoming isolated. A person who keeps himself guarded, fearful that others will see his imperfections, may end up hiding the good parts of his character as well. As a result, others will never get to know who the person really is. Furthermore, nobody knows that the person needs help, and nobody knows to pray for the person.

I have been trying to be more open and honest about my own brokenness, so here and now I bring my clutter out into the open.

My name is Anthony Snyder, and I am broken. I am a sinner. I want everyone to think that I'm perfect, but I am not even close. I struggle with things like anger. I have problems. Sometimes I feel as though my whole life is a mess. I have tried to hide my brokenness from others, and I have hidden myself in the process. I have deprived myself of both the love and the prayers of other people.

I am going to venture a guess that you, the reader, are in the same boat that I am, that my confession of brokenness is true for all of us, whether or not we want to admit it. Just realize that God loves all of us regardless. Realize that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us despite our brokenness. Know that God, in His grace, is able to heal us if we will only let Him into our hearts to do so.


Notes:
1 - David A. Seamands. Healing for Damaged Emotions. 1981, David C. Cook.
2 - Michael Yaconelli. Messy Spirituality. 2007, Zondervan.
3 - A word of thanks to all of my friends who reminded me of this recently.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Perspective: Turn the Page

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Turn the Page

Scripture:

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, reason like a child, think like a child. But now that I have become a man, I've put an end to childish things.

1 Corinthians 13:11 (CEB)

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

From "Your Hands" by JJ Heller

St. Paul, in his first letter to the church in Corinth, includes a meditation on the nature of love.¹ Toward the end of this "Love Chapter", Paul throws in an exhortation to put aside childish things. In the past, this part has bothered me: the thought of putting behind me everything I ever loved as a child is unsettling to say the least. Since then, I have come to realize that this not a call to stuffiness but a call to put aside immaturity.

To restate what I have written before,² there is a major difference between being childish and being childlike. For example, there is nothing inherently wrong with being an adult and enjoying things like comic books and video games. Liking such things does not necessarily mean that one is immature. On the other hand, one can act completely sophisticated and proper and still be selfish, petty, and irresponsible. Being childlike is a good thing: we should strive to have the faith, joy, hope, honesty, and unconditional love characteristic of children. Christ even calls us to come to Him with the heart of a child.³ What we should seek to do is to hold on to our childlikeness while putting aside our childishness.

Lately, though, I have begun to see more implications to Paul's exhortation than I did previously. I am beginning to see that this is more than just a call to put aside immaturity: it is a call to growth and movement.

We are all on a journey called life. This journey takes each of us in different directions. Sometimes our path is straight and smooth, and other times our path is rocky and winding. We see mountaintops of joy, and we see valleys of pain. We should never expect for the pace and the path of our journey to remain the same throughout our entire lives. Our journey will inevitably change over time.

We are not called to throw away everything that we once held dear just because we grow older. It is important to realize, though, that it is completely possible that some of the things to which we are most attached and which bring us the most comfort might actually hold us back and prevent us from growing. This can even be true about things that are inherently good in nature. Staying within our comfort zones can rob us of the opportunities God wants to give us to grow and to progress on our journey.

Jesus called twelve men as disciples to accompany Him throughout His ministry here on Earth. They followed Him for three years, learning from Him and watching Him perform miraculous acts of kindness and healing. The Disciples would have happily continued to do so for the rest of their lives, but Jesus knew that His time on earth would be brief. Jesus never intended for the twelve to spend their lives shadowing Him. Instead He was training them to continue the work He started. He once said to them, "I assure you that whoever believes in me will do the works that I do. They will do even greater works than these..."⁴ He intended for the Disciples to be like Him, to do what He did, and to even surpass Him. He intended for them to graduate from being disciples - those who follow - to being apostles - those sent out on a mission.

Jesus never intended to send the apostles out on their journey alone. He promised them that the Holy Spirit would be there to remind them of everything that He taught them and to guide them throughout their journey.⁵ This same Spirit, the Spirit that empowered the apostles as they built the Church throughout the world, is available to us to guide us on our own journey through life.

In this journey of life there will be times when we need to plant ourselves where we are, but there will also be times when we need to uproot ourselves and to move on so that we can grow. It is important that we remember to ask God for His Spirit to guide us and to help us throughout our journey. If we do so, the Holy Spirit will help us to discern which direction to take in life and to discern when we need to stay where we are and when we need to move forward on our journey. Our journey will change, but God is always there for us.


Notes:
1 - 1 Corinthians 13
2 - See my perspective: "Snakes, Doves, and Children"
3 - Matthew 19:14
4 - John 14:12 (CEB)
5 - John 14:25-26


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Introspection: Where Are You, God?

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Where Are You, God?

Scripture:

Why, O Lord, do You stand far off?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?
In arrogance the wicked persecute the poor -
let them be caught in the schemes they have devised.

For the wicked boast of the desires of their heart,
those greedy for gain curse and renounce the Lord.
In the pride of their countenance the wicked say, “God will not seek it out”;
all their thoughts are, “There is no God.”

Their ways prosper at all times;
Your judgments are on high, out of their sight;
as for their foes, they scoff at them.
They think in their heart, “We shall not be moved;
throughout all generations we shall not meet adversity.”

Rise up, O Lord; O God, lift up Your hand;
do not forget the oppressed.
Why do the wicked renounce God,
and say in their hearts, “You will not call us to account”?

But You do see! Indeed You note trouble and grief,
that You may take it into Your hands;
the helpless commit themselves to You;
You have been the helper of the orphan.

Psalm 10:1-6, 12-14

You led me here,
Then I watched You disappear
You left this emptiness inside
And I can't turn back time
No, stay!
Nothing compares to You
Nothing compares to You
I can't let You go

From "Never Be the Same" by RED

You can probably tell from some of my previous articles that my life is not like I want it to be. Frustrated with being a perpetually single, self-conscious introvert, I sometimes find myself actually becoming indignant that my circumstances are not what I think they should be. I just feel robbed, cheated out of the life that I think I should have, a life that seems to come so naturally to other people. I become angry, angry with myself for being the way I am, angry with my parents for the way they raised me, angry with other people for making me feel invisible, angry with society for being like it is, and even angry with God for letting - or making - me to be the way that I am.

In the past few weeks, I have noticed a number of people referencing the Psalms as examples of honest prayer.¹ Feeling a little indignant regarding my circumstances, I decided to search the Internet for Psalms that deal with anger toward God. In my search results,² I came across the tenth Psalm which begins:

Why, O Lord, do You stand far off?
Why do You hide Yourself in times of trouble?

The one who wrote this Psalm begins his prayer upset with God for seeming inactive and even absent in a time of great turmoil. It is as if the psalmist is saying, "Where are You, God? Why aren't you doing anything? Are you even watching this?" The psalmist then continues to vent - to God - his feelings of anger about the injustice going on all around him, about how cruelly the wicked among the rich and powerful are treating those less fortunate and about how much they seem to profit from it. He goes into great detail about how he feels, describing how he views the greedy, the ruthless, and the godless, comparing them to lions stalking their prey. The psalmist then asks God to take action and to punish those who have been abusing others.

With the fourteenth verse, the tone of the Psalm begins to change. The psalmist, Having expressed his anger and frustration, begins to remember the truth that God is always present, that God always hears our prayers, that God is in control, and that God cares about the oppressed and the needy.

Many of us feel uncomfortable with the idea of being angry with God. It is God who created the universe. It is God who has given us all of the blessings we have experienced in this life. It is God who has shown us such great love, mercy, and grace. What right do we have to be angry with such a wonderful God? Whether or not anger toward God is ever justified is actually irrelevant. If you are angry with God, condemning yourself for your anger, burying your anger under positive thinking, or pretending that you're not angry will not make the anger go away.

I recently heard someone say that one should treat his or her relationship with God as one would treat a relationship with a friend or a family member. For many of us, prayer can seem like speaking to some imaginary friend up in the sky; however, God is a very real person in each of our lives. When you are angry with a friend, what do you do? Do you bury your anger, or do you tell your friend how you feel? If you bury your anger, giving it the opportunity fester within yourself, you risk destroying your friendship. The right thing to do is to tell your friend how you feel. Regardless of whether you are right or wrong in your anger, a true friend will listen to you and respect your feelings. By telling your friend how you feel, you open the door for reconciliation.

All relationships require work to maintain, and all relationships have times of difficulty. Why should one's relationship with God be any different? Much of the Bible deals with the relationship between God and the people of Israel. Interestingly enough, the word Israel means "struggles with God."³

When we pray, we may feel as though we are talking to the ceiling, wondering if anyone is actually listening to us, but prayer is actually a two-way conversation. When we speak to God, God not only listens but also speaks back to us, though it is not necessarily audible. When we pray, we open ourselves up to God's healing and transforming power in our lives.⁴ I think that this may have been what the author of the tenth Psalm experienced. Once he opened up to God, expressing all of his feelings, he began to remember the truth of God's presence, mercy, and love.

I have seen this phenomenon in my own life in the last few weeks. Recently I began asking God for a major change, specifically a girlfriend. God has not yet given me a companion, but I believe that God has been working within me more noticeably since I started praying. I feel as though God is preparing me for a relationship with another person by bringing healing into my life and by teaching me lessons about patience, hope, trust, and openness.

I will not tell you that anger toward God is justified, and I will not condemn anger toward God. If you ever do feel angry toward God, tell Him! Tell God how you truly feel, knowing that God is a true friend who listens to you and who cares about your feelings. Realize that prayer is a two-way conversation and that God will speak back to you, giving you the opportunity to be transformed and to draw closer to Him.


Notes:
1 - For two examples, see the following:
Sharing the Journey: "Praying FOR Others"
Upper Room Daily Reflections: "Praying the Psalms"
2 - Thinking Christians: "Angry Prayer"
3 - Genesis 32:28
4 - Rob Bell. Nooma 019 | Open. 2008, Flannel / Zondervan.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.