Introspection: Why I Do This

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.


Why I Do This

Scripture:

No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.

Matthew 5:15 (NRSV)

2AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to

From "Breathe (2AM)" by Anna Nalick

A few weeks ago, after midnight, after New Year's Eve became New Year's Day, I posted my first perspective of the year, marking the beginning of a fourth year of blogging. I have to admit that very few of my hobbies and endeavors have had the longevity of this blog. I feel as though my writing has improved over the past three years; however, I have had this nagging feeling lately that this blog has lost something. If you look at my writings from the first two years, you will see that many were very personal and even quite vulnerable. On the other hand, the tone of my blog last year seemed a bit more preachy.

That said, I thought it might be a good idea to force myself to do some introspection and to reflect on why I keep this blog.

I started this blog nearly three years ago. I was going through a rough time in my life, questioning whether or not I had chosen the right career path, and I began to reconsider the possibility going into the ministry. Wondering if I could actually deliver a sermon, I asked my pastor for some opportunities to preach at my church. At the same time, I felt as though there was little sense in doing all the work of writing a sermon, only to have it collect proverbial dust after it had been delivered only once. A friend of mine was writing devotionals on his blog at that time, so I decided to follow suit and to start my own so that I could share my sermons with anyone who would read them.

I realized that, if I wanted to keep updating my blog, I would need to post something besides sermons, since my opportunities to preach might not be very frequent. I started to write shorter, more personal posts, which I called introspections. In these posts, I recorded the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing and the lessons I felt that God was teaching me in the midst of a bad job situation, unemployment, and a transition to a new job. In these posts I also opened up about my struggles with perfectionism, self-image, forgiveness, and chronic singleness.

As time went by, I began writing posts that were less personal. I went exclusively to Christian schools until I attended college, so I have learned a lot about the Bible. Though I don't regularly study the Scriptures as I should, because of my education it is not uncommon for me to get a verse, passage, or story from the Bible stuck in my head. Sometimes I will have some sort of musing about it and want to share it with other people, especially since I feel as though my way of thinking about things is somewhat unique. There are other times that I will ponder the spiritual implications of a subject, a song, a picture, or something in the media. I write about such things in posts which I call perspectives, since they reflect my perspective on things.

When I realized that my opportunities to preach would be few and far between, I offered to teach Sunday School at my church. Since then, I have been in rotation with two other teachers. A number of times, there has been an interplay between my blog and my Sunday school lessons: sometimes elements from my lessons have become perspectives, while, on a few occasions, my perspectives have actually become lessons.

I see my blog as a means of sharing my beliefs and my faith journey with other people. Christ told His disciples to take His message "unto the uttermost part of the earth."¹ While I have never been the type of person to walk up to a complete stranger to initiate a conversation about Jesus, I try to present, in my blog posts, the message of Christ in a way that is not threatening or off-putting but rather personal, practical, and hopeful. I have tried to make it easy for readers to share my posts with anyone whom they think could benefit from reading them. When Christ said "the uttermost part of the earth," I imagine that He was including cyberspace as well.

I recently took a survey at my church to determine my spiritual gift.² The results of the survey indicate that I have been blessed with the gift of knowledge, which "drives a person to learn, analyze, and uncover new insights with regard to the Bible and faith." The gift of knowledge is of little worth unless I use it to be a blessing to others. Furthermore, I realize that I will die someday, and that all the insights I accumulate over the years will fade away if I have not passed them on to other people. As Jesus said, "No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house." If God has indeed entrusted me with a message, then I must share it.³

I also see my blog as a way of sharing my story. When I was still a part of the Wesley Fellowship at my alma mater, a number of us in the group, including myself, had the opportunity to share our stories with the rest of the group. I think that it was at this time that I learned the importance of sharing one's story with other people, and I realized that even the most boring everyman, who may very well be myself, has a story so share. I do not know how common or unique my experiences actually are, but I share them anyway in the hopes that the lessons I have learned in my life may help somebody somewhere.

I cannot claim that writing for me is purely an act of ministry or that all of my motives for writing are completely unselfish. There is indeed a more indulgent reason for me to keep my blog. If you were ever to meet me in person, you might find me to be a shy, quiet, awkward, introverted person. Sometimes, I am the most quiet person in the room. These aspects of my personality are rather frustrating to me, and they often make me feel lonely. I keep my blog to prove that, though I may have the personality of a wax figure in some settings, I am indeed a flesh-and-blood human being that has thoughts in his head and feelings in his heart. I feel as though this blog gives me a way to express myself and a connection to the world.

Writing for my blog has also been a way for me to work things out in my life over the past few years. Sometimes I need a place to look back on the lessons God has taught me in the past. Some of my writings are cathartic, written to help me work through some of my feelings of depression or discouragement. Though I sometimes try not to let it show, I am actually a rather moody person. I am also an admitted perfectionist, always trying to hide what I think is unacceptable about myself. Sometimes I think that if I get enough of my faults and quirks out in the open I will break myself of my perfectionism. There have been times that I have even become angry or ashamed with myself as I wrote. Sometimes I wonder if I reveal a little too much about myself. Last year, a friend of mine said that she read my blog and started worrying about me.

I think that the Internet is a wonderful thing. I speak, not as a "computer nerd," but as a creative soul. The Internet gives a voice and a creative outlet to anyone who wants them. Aspiring writers, filmmakers, artists, and musicians can express themselves and find an audience without first catching the eye of some sort of benefactor. The internet offers many different creative outlets free of charge, so, if you have creative impulses, I encourage you to try one out for yourself and to let your creativity flow.

As for me, I will continue on the path on which I have been traveling. This year I hope to publish more introspective writings like this one, but I can make no promises. After all, I do not know where life will lead me or how God will work in my life this year. Still, as long as I have a message to share, I will continue to write.


Notes:
1 - Acts 1:8 (KJV)
2 - See Romans 12:6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11
3 - I sometimes struggle with determining whether something I write comes from me or from God. I do not know what is more arrogant: claiming that God's words are mine or claiming that my words are God's. I prefer to think that God inspired me with a message and that I fleshed the message out with my words.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Perspective: A Burning Bush and a Burning Church

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

A Burning Bush and a Burning Church

Scripture:

You are the light of the world. A city on top of a hill can't be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they put it on top of a lampstand, and it shines on all who are in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before people, so they can see the good things you do and praise your Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16 (CEB)

We are burning ones
We are consumed by You
We set our lives apart
We are consumed by You

So let this love be like a fire
Let our life be like a flame
Fill our souls with Your desire
Let our passion bring You fame

From "Burning Ones" by Chris Quilala (Jesus Culture)

Last Sunday, before the church service, my pastor asked me what I thought our church would look like if it was on fire. She did not mean this literally: she did not want me to imagine our church building was burning down. Fire is both a symbol of passion and a symbol of the presence of God. When the people of Israel traveled through the wilderness, they were led by the presence of God in the form of a pillar of fire. On the day of Pentecost, the Holy Spirit appeared to the disciples as tongues of fire. The symbol of my church, the United Methodist Church, includes both a cross and a flame. My pastor wanted me to imagine what our church would look like if the members were on fire with passion, eagerly following the leading of the Holy Spirit.

At first I didn't know what to say, but, later on, the image of a burning bush came to mind.

Moses was born in Egypt, where his people, the Israelites, were slaves. Through unusual circumstances, Moses grew up in the household of the Pharaoh, but eventually he fled to another land where he began a new life as a shepherd. One day, when Moses is out leading his flock, he sees a bush that is burning but not burning up. Puzzled by this bizarre phenomenon, he stops to look at it. God then speaks to Moses through the bush, revealing that Moses' true calling is not to tend sheep but rather to speak out against Egypt, to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt, and to be a shepherd to his people.¹

One thing worth noting is that the Bible specifically points out that Moses was intentional about stopping to look at the burning bush. The Bible even records Moses' thinking to himself, "Let me check out this amazing sight and find out why the bush isn't burning up."²

To address my pastor's question, I believe that the Church is called to be like the burning bush that Moses stopped to investigate. I believe that the Church is called to burn with the fire of the Holy Spirit. I believe that the Church is called to point people to God and to call sleepers to action. I believe that the Church is meant to call people to put away old, destructive patterns and to experience new life in Christ. I believe that a church truly burning with the fire of God is a church about which people say, "I need to stop and see this."

I think that it is important to point out that not everything that attracts people is necessarily a good thing. An act of arson can draw a crowd, but, in truth, such fire will eventually burn out and will leave behind nothing but ashes and ruin.

Remember that the bush in Moses' story was burning, but it was not burning down. Fire destroys, but this bush was on fire and not being destroyed. This is not physically possible. What Moses saw that day cannot be described as anything but a miracle. The fire he saw was not natural, but supernatural. The fire was not from human origin, but from divine origin. The fire was from God.

This nuance reveals a very important truth. A church must be ignited by God and not by humans. Often local churches find themselves concerned with numbers, concerned with filling pews. Sometimes churches will try to emulate what is new and hip and trendy in an effort to bring people in. The things they do are not necessarily bad, but they are temporal, based on trends and fads. These things change and fade away, but God is eternal. Perhaps a local church incorporates all of the latest and greatest worship music and even has a coffee shop. This church might draw people in, but, without God at the center of the church's ministry, the church will not have any true impact on people's lives. It may burn, but it will burn away.

Multiple times, St. Paul refers to the Church Universal as the Body of Christ. Just as the human body is made up of appendages, muscles, and organs working together, the Church is made up of individuals working together for a common purpose, to continue the work of Jesus Christ here on earth.³ Paul also says that the Church Universal is the temple of the Lord and the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit.⁴ This means that a church should be where people can find the very presence of God. The local church can only be these things if it is burning bright with the Holy Spirit. Otherwise it is no different from any gathering place or a social club.

May you not only believe but also burn bright with the Spirit of God. May you let this light shine before others, pointing them to God, showing them God's love, and calling them to new life. May people stop and look at this fire so that they may experience the miracle God is working in your lives.


Notes:
1 - For the story of Moses and the burning bush, see Exodus 3:1-10.
2 - Exodus 3:3 (CEB)
3 - 1 Corinthians 12:12-14
4 - 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

The painting featured in this perspective was painted by Eugène Pluchart and can be found in Saint Isaac's Cathedral in Saint Petersburg, Russia.


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.

Perspective: Walking with Rhythm

I share these thoughts, hoping they are of help to someone else.

Walking with Rhythm

Scripture:

Don't love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in them. Everything that is in the world - the craving for whatever the body feels, the craving for whatever the eyes see and the arrogant pride in one's possessions - is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world and its cravings are passing away, but the person who does the will of God remains forever.

1 John 2:15-17 (CEB)

Don't be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you can figure out what God's will is - what is good and pleasing and mature.

Romans 12:2 (CEB)

You came from Heaven to Earth
To show the way

From "Lord, I Lift Your Name on High" by Rick Founds

It is not uncommon for me to spend some time after work walking around at the local shopping mall. In the mall, there is a particular trendy clothing store. Though I have never been inside this store, I cannot help but notice the music coming from inside the store every time I pass by. The song differs from time to time, but I have noticed a consistent pulsating techno beat. If I am not careful, I will find myself walking in step with the beat of the music. Because of this, I sometimes intentionally walk out of step with the music.

I have since realized that whether I am unintentionally walking in step with the music or intentionally walking out of step with the music, I am letting the beat of the music affect how I walk.

There are many spiritual implications here, as the rhythms all around us often affect how we walk through life. For example, it has been said that "he who angers you, controls you." There is truth in this saying, at least when our anger provokes us to action. When we act out of anger, whether or not our actions are in direct opposition to the people or things that are making us angry, the anger still affects what we do. By acting out of anger, we essentially give the things that anger us direct influence over our lives.

The rhythms around us can affect us in different ways. Often we find ourselves walking in step with the rhythm or "going with the flow." Other times we seek to walk out of step with the rhythm or to go against the current, not unlike salmon that swim upstream.

In many Christian circles, the term worldly has become a dirty word. Christians cite the words of early church fathers as a call to swim against the current of the world and to abstain from "worldly" things. St. John writes, "Don't love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in them." St. Paul, in his letter to the Romans, writes, "Don't be conformed to the patterns of this world." Many see such verses as a call to be countercultural, to live contrary to the dominant culture.

The problem with this attitude is that it still gives the dominant culture influence over how we live our lives. Our focus is still on the world.

I believe that these exhortations by John and Paul are not necessarily a call to walk out of step with the rhythm of the world, but are instead a call to walk in step with a different rhythm altogether. John goes on to define the "things in the world" as temporal things, things that pass away. He exhorts us to not seek after temporal things but instead to seek God's will, which is eternal. Paul, after calling us to not conform to the world, calls us to be transformed so that we may discern God's will for our lives. John and Paul want us to take our focus off of the world and to redirect our focus to God.

These teachings of John and Paul do not call us to be countercultural and to thereby conform ourselves to what the world is not. Instead, these teachings call us to realign ourselves completely, to walk in step with God's rhythm. St. Peter exhorts us to walk in step with the example set for us by Jesus Christ.¹ Christ was honest and forgiving. He loved other people, proclaimed a message of hope, and helped the afflicted wherever He went.

As this new year begins, let us take some time examine the different rhythms that influence our lives. Let us resolve to not walk out of step with rhythms we disdain, and let us resolve to instead walk in step with the rhythms that affect us positively and bring us closer to God.


Notes:
1 - 1 Peter 2:21


If you have any feedback, thoughts, stories, or even arguments to contribute, please leave comments.