Delivered at Monaghan United Methodist Church in Greenville, South Carolina on June 1, 2014, Ascension Sunday.
I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
Now What?
So when [Jesus and the Disciples] had come together, they asked Him, "Lord, is this the time when You will restore the kingdom to Israel?" He replied, "It is not for you to know the times or periods that the Father has set by His own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be My witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." When He had said this, as they were watching, He was lifted up, and a cloud took Him out of their sight. While He was going and they were gazing up toward heaven, suddenly two men in white robes stood by them. They said, "Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up toward heaven? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw Him go into heaven."
Acts 1:6-11 (NRSV)
Acts 1:6-11 (NRSV)
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me, should I stay here?
Or do I need to move?
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without You
From "Revelation" by Third Day
After I accepted my first job as a computer programmer, I started returning to my alma mater every now and then to take long walks. I found the beautifully cultivated grounds of the campus to be the perfect place to sort through my thoughts. One Sunday evening, as I followed the walking paths around campus, I became aware of a feeling that I was lost – not lost on campus but lost in life. Within the last few months, I had completed both of the life goals my parents had set for me: I had graduated from college with a bachelors degree and I had landed a full-time professional job. I had accomplished everything for which I spent my whole life preparing. My life's work was complete. My thoughts and feelings that evening could be summarized by one question:
"Now what?"
Jesus and His disciples were gathered at the Mount of Olives, not far from Jerusalem. The Disciples, still under the impression that Jesus was the great political leader who would defeat the Romans, asked if it was time for Him to restore autonomy to Israel. Jesus told them that such matters were not their concern and then reminded them that they would soon be empowered by the Holy Spirit to take His message of hope throughout the world. He suddenly began to rise from the ground and float into the sky, and then, as the Disciples were watching, He disappeared into the clouds.
For the Disciples, the last three years had been nothing short of an emotional roller coaster ride. They had all been called away from their previous careers as fisherman, tax collectors, and militant political activists to become followers of the traveling teacher and healer known as Jesus of Nazareth. For three years, they followed Him on His journeys. They listened to Him proclaim the coming of the Kingdom of God, watched as He butted heads with the religious elite, and pondered His mysterious parables. They watched with wonder as He healed the sick, befriended outcasts, worked miracles, and brought peace to the disturbed. They began to think that maybe this Jesus was the Messiah, the long-awaited leader who would finally drive their oppressors out of the land and usher in an age of peace and prosperity.
The Disciples followed Jesus as He rode into the capital city of Jerusalem on a donkey to the joyous shouts of the crowds. They watched Him throw the merchants out of the temple in protest of the corruption of the religious establishment. Then, one fateful night, their hopes and dreams were shattered when Jesus surrendered to a violent mob. Jesus was taken before the temple court and then to the Roman governor who sentenced Him to die by crucifixion. He was mocked and beaten and then nailed to a cross. He died in agony, and His body was sealed in a tomb.
Two days later, the Disciples received reports from several people that Jesus was alive and well. Suddenly, Jesus appeared in their midst and said, "Peace be with you." For forty more days, the Disciples continued to follow Him and learn from Him. Their hope was restored. Jesus was back, so everything could go back to the way it was before those horrific days in Jerusalem. Not even a brutal execution could stop Jesus. Surely the defeat of the Romans and the restoration of Israel to its former glory was at hand.
And then... all of a sudden... Jesus was gone.
I cannot help but think that, as the Disciples stared up at the clouds into which their Rabbi and Messiah had just vanished, they asked themselves, "Now what?"
It could be said that the Disciples had stepped into a liminal space. A liminial space is a threshold, a transitional space not unlike the interlude between one act of a play and the next. The Disciples could not rightfully be called "disciples" any longer; after all, the teacher they had been following was now gone. They had graduated from discipleship, whether they were ready or not. No longer were they called to be disciples – people who follow – but rather apostles – people who are sent out on a mission. Jesus had called them to take His message of hope throughout Jerusalem into the surrounding regions of Judea and Samaria and ultimately to the very "ends of the earth."
But not yet.
Not long before this, when Jesus and the Disciples were gathered together for a meal, Jesus instructed the Disciples to remain in Jerusalem until a certain promise of God was fulfilled. Something had to happen first before the Disciples could set out on their mission. Jesus told them that they would be "baptized by the Holy Spirit" and that this baptism, whatever it was, would empower them to do what they had been called to do.1 Until that time, they were to remain in the figurative doorway between discipleship and apostleship, waiting.
Like the men formerly known as "the Disciples," we all go through liminal spaces in our lives: we all go through times of transition and waiting. Writer and professor Lauren Winner might refer to such a time as a "middle." In her memoir Still: Notes on a Midfaith Crisis, she describes a "middle" as "the space, the years in between that which is no longer what came before and that which is not yet what will come later." Though middles might feel like wastelands, they can be times of great creativity. Middles might even be times of "winnowing" when the "wheat" of our lives is separated from the "chaff."2
These are the times in our lives when we find ourselves asking, "Now what?"
When I accepted my first job after graduation, I left a part of my life behind me and stepped into a liminal space – a middle – of my own which, over time, became a search for meaning. No longer were the expectations of my parents the guiding force in my life. Now, I had to discover meaning and purpose in life for myself.
While the Disciples were still staring at the clouds into which their Messiah had just disappeared, two men dressed in white – presumably angels – appeared and said, "Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up toward heaven? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw Him go into heaven." (Apparently, in their neck of the woods, it's an everyday occurrence to see a person levitating to the sky and disappearing into the clouds.) When we step into times of transition and waiting, as the Disciples did when Jesus ascended, we might not know what to do with ourselves. Standing around with our heads in the clouds is not an option, for there is still work that must be done.
In The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis notes that people are often tempted to live either in the past through nostalgia or in the future through expectation or anxiety. The truth of the matter is that the past is frozen in time while the future is ever in flux. All we really have is the present moment, the only point in time that actually touches Eternity. That said, we need only concern ourselves with the duties, trials, and graces of the present, as we commend both the past and the future into God's hands. We only need to concern ourselves with the parts of the future that require our immediate preparation.3
Wherever you find yourself at the moment, I cannot tell you that better days are on the way, nor can I tell you that worse days lie ahead. What I can tell you with relative certainty is that the next days are coming and that the next days will bring with them work that must be done. I spent my first twenty-three years preparing for the rest of my life; now I spend time preparing for the weeks, days, or hours ahead of me.
The Disciples did not know what lay ahead of them, but they did know one thing: they knew that what once was twelve was now eleven. They were down a man, because one of them literally sold Jesus out and then, realizing the disastrous consequences of his actions, gave up on himself. For the Disciples, the duties of the present moment included the selection of a twelfth. They discerned that the twelfth must have been a dedicated follower of Jesus from the very beginning of His ministry to the present day. They narrowed their selection pool down to two candidates and then cast lots, praying that God's will would be done. The lot fell on a man named Matthias, and he was chosen to become the twelfth apostle.4
The Disciples did one other thing while they waited for the promise of God to be fulfilled: they "constantly devot[ed] themselves to prayer."5 So often we think of prayer as asking God to do for us something that we cannot do for ourselves. There is so much more to prayer than simply asking God to do our bidding "in Jesus' name." Prayer opens us up to the presence of God and to the creative work that God is already doing in the world all around us.6 The Disciples knew that they were called to share Christ's message with the world, but they also knew that their time to do so had not yet come. They had been instructed by Jesus to remain in Jerusalem until the coming of the Holy Spirit. The Disciples didn't always fully understand the things Jesus said, so I would wager a guess that they didn't quite know what to expect in the days ahead. They needed direction from God: they needed to be open to what God was doing.
Like the Disciples, I too sought direction from God. Specifically, I sought a new direction that would guide me to the sense of purpose I did not find in my job. The search drove me to try new things. I became more involved in the Church. I discovered the joy of writing. Were it not for my searching, you would not be reading this. Amid my search, there were even some times of persistent prayer. In my search for meaning, I have found meaning in the search itself, and I have found meaning in the day-to-day work the search has brought into my life.
We might find ourselves in a liminal space following a change in circumstances; but we might also enter a liminal space after a personal failure. Sometimes our question of what lies ahead of us is preceded by an admission of failure or defeat: "I blew it. Now what?" We stand in the doorway between downfall and whatever comes next, hoping and praying it includes a rebound of some sort. We might even be tempted to give up on what we've started. I think that, after Jesus' resurrection, the disciple Peter found himself in such a place. While Jesus stood trial before the high priest, a fearful Peter denied that he even knew Jesus, just hours after he, in his bravado, proclaimed that he would die for Jesus.
One night, Peter made an announcement to the other Disciples. He said, "I'm going fishing." Nowadays, it's not uncommon for a person to go fishing simply to clear his head, but I wonder if maybe Peter was turning in his resignation as a disciple, having decided to return to his past life as a fisherman. After a night of not catching fish, Peter and some of the other Disciples saw a man on the beach. The man told them to try throwing out their net from the right side of the boat. When they were unable to haul in the massive catch of fish, they immediately knew the man was Jesus.7 In the Bible, we read that, when Jesus first called Peter to leave behind his boat and his nets to "fish for people" as His disciple, He did so with a miraculous catch of fish.8 We also read that, when Peter was apparently tempted to give up on his calling, Jesus called Him back with the same miracle, saying, "Feed my sheep."
A liminal space might last for days, months, or even years. Come September, it will have been seven years since I accepted my first job as a computer programmer. Still, I have yet to decide whether to settle into my career as a programmer or to pursue an altogether different path. The Disciples' liminal space between discipleship and apostleship lasted for a mere ten days. On a day called Pentecost, something amazing happened that would change their lives forever, but that's a story for another day.
When we find ourselves stuck in the threshold between what was and what will be, unsure of what comes next, we must not keep our heads in the clouds. Neither should we throw in the towel. When you find yourself in this place, take a moment to remember the past, but don't forget that there is work to be done in the present. Seek direction from God in prayer, and trust in God to guide you into the future.
Amen.
Notes:
- Acts 1:4-5
- Lauren Winner. Still: Notes on a Midfaith Crisis. 2012, Harper One. p. 60-62
- C.S. Lewis. The Screwtape Letters. ch. 15
- Acts 1:15-26
- Acts 1:12-14 (NRSV)
- Rob Bell. NOOMA Open | 019. 2008, Zondervan/Flannel.
- John 21
- Luke 5:1-11
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