Introspection: To Preach, or Not to Preach?

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To Preach, or Not to Preach?

Some certainly preach Christ with jealous and competitive motives, but others preach with good motives...

What do I think about this?  Just this: since Christ is proclaimed in every possible way, whether from dishonest or true motives, I'm glad and I'll continue to be glad.

Philippians 1:15, 18 (CEB)

For years and years
I chased their cheers
The crazy speed of always needing more
But when I stop
And see you here
I remember who all this was for

From "From Now On" by Pasek and Paul

If you know me personally or if you have been following this blog for a while, then you might know that I am a certified Lay Speaker in my denomination.  In other words, I am certified to fill in for pastors on Sunday mornings when needed.  One could say that I am essentially a "substitute preacher."  Earlier this year, during the season of Eastertide, I went on a short "preaching tour."  For the three Sundays after Easter, I delivered three different sermons at three different churches, starting with the church I regularly attend.

I enjoy preparing sermons, preaching, and visiting different churches, but, after preaching for three Sundays in a row, I was ready to take a break.  Additional opportunities to preach came up, but, for a number of reasons, I wasn't very eager to accept them.  As I've already noted, I needed a break.  Preparing sermons takes time, and, since I already have a full-time job, it can be rather costly for me.  Also, during the summer months, I opted to work four ten-hour workdays per week so that I could take Fridays off, and I didn't really want to spend my days off preparing sermons.  I've also been rather angry about certain things going on within my denomination.

All that said, there were some other reasons that I was hesitant to preach again.

During my "preaching tour" this spring, I noticed something about myself, specifically that I tend to that I tend to use a lot of showbusiness language in reference to my preaching.  I tend to refer to the times I'm scheduled to preach as "gigs."  When one pastor asked me to preach on a particular Sunday, I told him that I was already "booked."  I've even caught myself thinking about the time a church service starts as "showtime."

It might also be worth noting that, to psyche myself up before I preach, I listen to songs from The Greatest Showman on the way to the church.

Basically, I started to wonder if I really am a preacher or if I'm really just a performer.

As I noted a few years ago, I sometimes experience a sense of trepidation before I preach or at least some cognitive dissonance.  Sometimes I feel like I am not the right person to do the things I do in the church.  I'm painfully aware that I am not the Christian exemplar one would expect the person behind the preacher's podium to be.  Sometimes I doubt the messages I deliver.  For example, early in the morning before I delivered the sermon at my home church, I lay in bed wondering why I ever thought the clustercuss of a sermon I had written was a good idea.  Sometimes I wonder if I really preach from my heart or if I just happen to know the right things to say.  I want to offer people hope when I preach, but I often find that I am not living with the kind of hope I want to offer people.

One day back in the spring, I remembered that, when I was a little boy, my grandfather built a small podium for me.  I asked my mother if the reason he built me the podium was because I wanted to be a preacher even then.  She reminded me that back then I wanted to be a game show host.  It seems that I've always wanted to be some sort of performer or public figure.  Maybe preaching and leading worship is the only way I've found to perform for an audience.

One of the sermons I preached during Eastertide was based on the story of the apostle Peter, who at one point denied knowing Jesus.  The main point of the sermon was that we must not allow ourselves to give into the temptation to give up when we've failed.  I began this sermon with a story about the founder of my particular branch of Christianity.  In the 1730s, John Wesley, a priest in the Church of England, traveled to the Georgia colony in order to be a minister to the colonists and a missionary to the natives.  He later returned to England as an utter failure.¹

One day, Wesley told his friend Peter Boehler, a Moravian priest, that he was going to quit preaching because he wasn't sure he had any faith left.  Boehler replied, "Preach faith till you have it; then, because you have it, you will preach faith."²

Even though I did not share any personal stories in this sermon, I still considered it a very personal one, because I've come to understand the stories of Peter and Wesley in light of my own past temptations to give up when I felt like I failed God.  I also happen to take comfort in Boehler's advice to Wesley regarding preaching.  Though I struggle to live like I believe the things I preach, my sermons are not empty words, for I do aspire to live like I believe them.  I might not always feel that I personally possess the hope I want to offer people, especially after the last couple of years, but, if I keep offering people hope through my sermons, I might someday find myself living with that hope.

In mid July, I finally accepted another opportunity to preach.  I suspect that I might be the go-to guy for one of the pastors in my area when he needs someone to fill in for him, and I wanted to continue being the person he calls.  As I prepared my sermon, the Scripture passage I had chosen did a number on me.  I saw myself in a very foolish individual in one of Jesus' parables, and I was forced to reconsider how I've been living my life.

I have decided that I will keep preaching, despite my trepidations.  I'll keep preaching because, even if I am more of a performer than a preacher, I might as well perform for a higher purpose.  I'll keep preaching because, if God does indeed give me messages to share with others, I had better share them.  I'll keep preaching because, if I keep sharing hopeful messages with others, I just might become a more hopeful person.  I'll keep preaching because someone out there just might need to hear the sermons I write as much as I need to hear them.


Notes:

1. Adam Hamilton.  Revival: Faith as Wesley Lived It.  2014, Abingdon Press.  pp. 62-67
2. Hamilton, p. 69

The photograph of the lectern was taken by Ib Rasmussen, who has released it to the public domain.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.