Introspection: At Home

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At Home

There's a season for everything
and a time for every matter under the heavens...
a time for mourning and a time for dancing...
a time for embracing and a time for avoiding embraces...

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4b, 5b (CEB)

It seems like every day's the same

And I'm left to discover on my own

It seems like everything is gray

And there's no color to behold

From "Fine Again" by Seether

Two days ago, I reread the story of Noah from the Book of Genesis.¹  Reading this story amid the COVID-19 pandemic, when I'm spending most of my time at home, caused me to ponder some questions I had not pondered previously.  Did Noah's family become bored during the months they spent on the ark?  Did they miss the lives they lived before the flood?  Did they hope that someday their lives would somehow return to normal?  Were they afraid?  Did they pray that God would make the floodwaters recede?

Over the last two months, I've spent a lot more time at home than I spent previously.  The choice to stay at home was not one I made eagerly, but, when everywhere I went was closed and everything I did was cancelled, the choice became a lot easier to make.  Truth be told, I haven't hated spending so much time at home as much as I expected.  I've just needed to make sure, for the sake of my mental and emotional health, that I'm getting out of the house every once and a while and taking the available opportunities to connect with my friends.  To my own surprise, I've actually enjoyed working from home.  I should have expected that I would appreciate something that would give me more free time and personal freedom.

I think that, at some point, I took to heart the idea that nothing would happen in my life if I spent all my time at home, so I made it a point to spend as little time at home as possible.  Of course, this strategy did not cause as much to happen as I had hoped.  I guess I should have internalized another lesson I had learned, that nothing good will happen in my life without intentionality.

Though I haven't hated spending so much time at home, I've found myself missing some of the things I did before the pandemic.  Many of the things I miss are ordinary, like listening to some of my favorite podcasts while driving to dinner, eating at my favorite sushi restaurant, collecting my thoughts while enjoying coffee at a bookstore cafe, and listening to some of my favorite music on my way home.  I've also missed dancing.  I started contra dancing again in July of last year, and I considered my return to dancing a personal victory.  I attended nine dances last year and hoped to attend twice as many this year, but I only made it to two dances before they were canceled because of the pandemic.  I hope that social distancing soon becomes unnecessary so that social dancing can make a comeback.

I've considered what I might do differently if life ever returns to normal.  Maybe I won't feel the need to float around town every day before coming home for the evening.  Maybe, on some days, I'll enjoy my afternoon coffee at home, as I have been doing lately.  I would like to continue enjoying dinners at home with my mother.  As I've noted previously, I've been taking walks around my neighborhood, since I cannot walk where I used to walk.  I would like to continue walking around my neighborhood, in the hopes of actually getting to know the people who live around me for once.

It is easy to say now what I hope to do at some indeterminate point in the future, but one thing I hope I never do again is to take for granted what is important to me.  Life, I've learned, can change quickly.


Notes:

1. Genesis 6:5-9:17

The photograph featured in this introspection was taken by me in the front yard at my home.