Introspection: A Voice to Silence and a Voice to Believe

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A Voice to Silence and a Voice to Believe

The angel said, "Don't be afraid!  Look!  I bring good news to you - wonderful, joyous news for all people."

Luke 2:10 (CEB)

Where are you, Christmas?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?

Where is the laughter
You used to bring me?
Why can't I hear music play?

From "Where Are You, Christmas" by Faith Hill

I don't really enjoy Christmas as much as I did when I was younger.  To be honest, I have come to dread it.  My dread, I think, is largely tied to having to shop for Christmas presents.  I never really know what I should give people, and I feel like I rarely ever have any good ideas for gifts.

My last truly thoughtful Christmas gift was one I gave my mother two years ago.  Mom loves birds.  In fact, she has kept birds as pets ever since I was a child.  Two years ago, I decided to give her a gift to celebrate her three pet birds, Beau, Griffin, and Beetle.  First, I bought three picture frame ornaments from the Pottery Barn at my local shopping mall.  Next, I found some photographs of the birds that Mom had shared on Facebook, and I did some editing on my computer.  Then, I sent the image file to a nearby office supply store to printed on photographic paper.  Finally, I picked up the printed photographs, cut them out, and placed them in the ornaments.

These ornaments were not at all expensive, and they were actually fun to make - once I figured out how to do what I needed to do in the image manipulation program I use.  I gave them to Mom on Christmas morning, and of course she loved them.

Just a few days later, Beetle, one of Mom's birds, suddenly died.  Mom and I were both heartbroken.  I love all of Mom's birds, but Beetle happened to be my favorite.  Beetle's death made the ornament containing his picture all the more precious to Mom, but I started to regret giving the set of ornaments to her.  In my less rational moments, I think that I somehow invited tragedy by giving this gift to her, and I wonder what kind of loss I will be inviting if I ever give another gift like it.  Even in my more rational moments, the gift is still tainted in my eyes.

Beetle's death would be only the first in a series of losses in my life over the next two years.  A few months into the new year, a pandemic reached my country, and it sucked a lot of joy out of life for many people.  I personally had to give up dancing after taking it up again just a few months earlier, and I found myself spending a lot of time home, afraid to be out in public too long.  Later that year, I suddenly lost my father, and, in the year after that, I lost both of my grandmothers.  I've become bitter and fearful.  I'm bitter because everything good in my life seems to be taken away from me, and I'm fearful of what losses I might suffer next.  I think I might also be afraid to be happy in general, thinking that my happiness would just be rewarded with more sorrow.

During this Advent season, I've had the opportunity to revisit the stories in the Bible that lead up to the birth of Christ, and a couple of them have spoken to me in new ways amid my circumstances.

In the Gospel of Luke, we read about an elderly priest named Zechariah.  One day, when Zechariah is chosen to burn incense to God in the temple, he is met by a messenger of God named Gabriel.  Gabriel tells him that his prayers have been heard and that he and his wife Elizabeth will soon have a child who will have a role to play in God's redemption of his people.  Zechariah and Elizabeth had not been able to have children, and, since they have both grown old, he probably hasn't prayed for a child in a long time.  Naturally he has trouble believing what Gabriel has told him.¹

Because Zechariah does not believe the messenger of God, he is struck dumb.  He will remain unable to speak for nine months - until he names his newborn son John.²

In the Gospel of Matthew, we read about a carpenter named Joseph.  Joseph has every reason to be hopeful, for he will soon embark on the journey of marriage with his bride-to-be Mary.  His hopes are dashed when he learns that his fiancee is pregnant with a baby that he obviously knows is not his.  Mary claims that she has not cheated on Joseph, but, knowing how babies are made, he naturally has trouble believing her.  Joseph is a good man, and, no matter how hurt or angry he might be, he doesn't want any harm to come to Mary, so he decides to break off their engagement discretely.³

If you are familiar with this story, then you know that Joseph will learn that Mary has not been unfaithful to him and that her pregnancy is, in fact, a miracle.  Until that happens, Joseph is hurt that his beloved would apparently cheat on him, and he is probably angry with her as well.  He is undoubtedly disappointed that his future will not be what he hoped it would be.  It was recently pointed out to me that we do not know how much time elapses between Joseph's learning that Mary is pregnant and Joseph's realizing that things are not quite what they seem to be.⁴  It's possible that weeks pass.  Maybe Joseph has time to grow resentful.  Maybe he entertains thoughts that no one will ever truly love him or that nothing good will ever happen in his life.

At some point, an angel appears to Joseph in a dream and says, "Joseph son of David, don't be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because the child she carries was conceived by the Holy Spirit.  She will give birth to a son, and you will call him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."  When Joseph awakens, he decides to go through with his marriage to Mary, as he originally planned, and to raise her child with her as his own.⁵

In these stories, there are two voices: one that must be silenced and one that must be believed.  In the first story, the voice of disbelief threatened to keep Zechariah from taking part in what God was doing, and it had to be silenced so that he could watch God's plan unfold.  In the second story, Joseph had to believe the voice that helped him see the truth; otherwise things like anger and disappointment would have kept him from doing what God was calling him to do.

In our lives, we will hear voices that we need to reject, but we will also hear voices that we need to heed.  Right now, the voice I need to reject is the voice of negativity within me that keeps telling me that another proverbial shoe is going to drop.  The voice I need to heed right now is the voice of truth that spoke to Joseph - the voice that says that my circumstances are not what I think they are, that I have no reason to be disappointed, angry, or bitter, and that I must not be afraid to move forward in my life.

As you hear old, familiar stories during this holiday season, dear reader, may you hear in them what you need to hear at this time, amid your own circumstances.  May you recognize the voices you need to reject and the voices you need to believe.

And may I take my own damn advice for once so that I can enjoy this Christmas season and look toward the new year with hope.


Notes:

1. Luke 1:5-18
2. Luke 1:19-25, 57-64
3. Matthew 1:18-19
4. Rachel Gilmore and Kay Kotan.  The Voices of Christmas: A Daily Devotional for Advent.  2021, Market Square Publishing.
5. Matthew 1:20-25 (CEB)

The photograph featured in this introspection was taken by me in December of 2021.  The photograph within the Christmas ornament was taken by my mother more than two years earlier.