Introspection: The Correct Answer

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

The Correct Answer

And a voice came from heaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased."

Mark 1:11 (NRSV)

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still, You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours

From "Who Am I?" by Casting Crowns

In late December, as I was looking back on some of my introspections from the previous year, I took some time to think about my career.  I noted that there were some things I like about it and some things I dislike about it, and I confessed that I'm struggling to figure out what I actually want to do going forward.  I wrote that "I've been wrestling with my identity and my purpose in life."  It was a rather peculiar thing to write regarding my career.  The truth is that, for me, who I am and what I do are interconnected - or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that they're entangled.

I'm starting to realize that part of my problem is knowing that there are stereotypes and expectations associated with every occupation.

For the last sixteen years, I have worked as a professional computer programmer.  In college, I decided to study computer science, because I knew that it was a practical field and because I actually understood how to write computer programs.  I think it also appealed to my creativity and my affinity for problem solving.

As I noted last year, even though computer programming is a fitting job for me, I do not like to be associated with computers.  The reason is stereotyping.  IT professionals like computer programmers are thought to be nerds.  Nerds might be known for their intelligence, but they are also considered uncool, unattractive, and generally undesirable.  Naturally, I don't want people to think of me in this way, so I don't want to be identified as a computer programmer.

And I don't know who needs to hear this, but telling someone that he looks like he works with computers is not flattering.

My first job as a professional computer programmer was in the gambling industry.  It was a job I hated, because working in such an amoral industry brought me a lot of shame.  As I was praying for a way out, I started to wonder if maybe I had chosen the wrong field in college.  Wondering if maybe I had a future in Christian ministry, I asked my pastor for some opportunities to preach.  By the grace of God, I got out of the job that brought me shame and into a programming job in which I could take pride, but I continued preaching.  Eventually I was certified as a Lay Speaker, a layperson who fills in for pastors when needed.  I've been an amateur preacher almost as long as I've been a professional computer programmer.

In the last few years, I've had a problem with being identified as a preacher, which is very similar to my problem with being identified as a computer programmer.  The problem is people's expectations.  People expect preachers, pastors, and other "professional" Christians to be especially Christlike individuals.  I know that isn't true about me.  I enjoy writing sermons and preaching on occasion, but sometimes I feel like a total fraud.  In fact, I'm surprised that, in all my years preaching, the church ceiling hasn't fallen on me!

I'm starting to realize that, as I try to figure out what I want to do with my life going forward, some of the internal work I need to do is to disentangle my identity from the things I do.  I will have a difficult time of figuring out what I am meant to do with my life if I think my identity somehow depends on it, and I will not faithfully or effectively do what I am meant to do if am not secure in who I am.

If I am not a computer programmer or a preacher, then who exactly am I?

I know the correct answer to the question of who I am.  I know that I am a beloved child of God.  To be honest, I find this answer unsatisfying, because it doesn't tell me anything specific about myself.  It is true about everyone.  Every child of God is different, and I want to know who I am as a particular child of God.  That said, if I am not happy with the correct answer, then maybe I think it isn't enough.  Maybe I think I need to stand out from the crowd for some reason.  Maybe I need to sit with the correct answer for a while before I try to figure anything else about about myself.

To define oneself by one's work is a common mistake, but it is a critical mistake.  This is a mistake I must correct in my own life.  I may write computer programs, but I am not a computer programmer.  I may preach on occasion, but I am not a preacher.  I am a beloved child of God, just like everyone else.


The image featured in this introspection was created by Eviatar Bach, and it has been released to the public domain.  The creator is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Perspective: Reflecting on the Psalms (Part 3)

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Reflecting on the Psalms
(Part 3)

Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.

Psalm 147:5 (NRSV)

Indescribable, uncontainable
You placed the stars in the sky
And You know them by name
You are amazing, God

All powerful, untameable
Awestruck, we fall to our knees
As we humbly proclaim
You are amazing, God

From "Indescribable" by Laura Story

A little over nine years ago, I took a short class on public prayer.  It was one of the classes I was required to take in order to be certified as a Lay Speaker in my denomination.  At one point, the instructor gave the participants the assignment to write a "prayer of pure praise."  The assignment proved to be a bit of a challenge, as it exposed the tendency people have to make prayer all about themselves and their needs.  As I sat with my pencil and paper, my mind turned to gratitude, and I realized that I could praise God for creating the things for which I was grateful.

Some of the psalms I've encountered this year have been prayers or songs of "pure praise," like the one hundred forty-seventh psalm.  For psalms like this, I find it interesting to consider the things about God the psalmist finds praiseworthy.


Psalm 147

The one hundred forty-seventh psalm begins,

Praise the Lord!
How good it is to sing praises to our God;
for he is gracious, and a song of praise is fitting.¹

Right off the bat, the unnamed psalmist tells us that he is composing a song of praise because God is gracious.  In the mythologies of many ancient cultures, the gods are depicted as capricious or even cruel.  Even in modern times, the phrase act of God is used to describe something destructive.  The psalmist believes in a God who is not like other gods, a God whose grace and mercy are praiseworthy.

The psalmist praises God for God's care for his people.  He proclaims,

The Lord builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted,
and binds up their wounds.²

The psalmist is writing his song of praise after a time in his people's history known as the Exile.³  At one point, the Kingdom of Israel was divided by a civil war.  Both kingdoms eventually fell to larger empires, and the people of both kingdoms were taken into exile.  Eventually these empires fell, and the people were allowed to return to their homeland to rebuild their temple, their homes, and their lives.  The psalmist praises God for sustaining the people of Israel through the Exile and for finally bringing them home.

Next the psalmist praises God's power at work in the creation of the universe.  He proclaims,

He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.⁴

The psalmist lives at a time before light pollution, so when he looks at the sky at night, he can see an uncountable number of stars.  The psalmist also lives at a time before space telescopes, so I highly doubt he has any idea how many stars there really are.  At this time, it is estimated that there are two hundred billion trillions of stars in the universe.⁵  The psalmist is telling us that God created all of these stars, named all of them, and is mindful of all them.

If God is mindful of each of the stars, we can trust that God is mindful of each human being as well.

The psalmist then praises God's justice.  He proclaims,

The Lord lifts up the downtrodden;
he casts the wicked to the ground.⁶

The psalmist believes in a God who will set right everything that is wrong in this world.  God hears the cries of the oppressed, and God will bring their oppressors to justice.

The psalmist praises God's ongoing care for creation.  He proclaims,

He covers the heavens with clouds,
prepares rain for the earth,
makes grass grow on the hills.
He gives to the animals their food,
and to the young ravens when they cry.⁷

God has provided for the lifeforms in this world by creating and setting into motion a world that sustains itself.  The rain waters the plant life, and the plant life feeds the animals.  When the animals die, their bodies decompose and provide nutrients for the plant life.

The psalmist goes on to once again praise God's care for his people.  He proclaims,

Praise the Lord, O Jerusalem!
Praise your God, O Zion!
For he strengthens the bars of your gates;
he blesses your children within you.
He grants peace within your borders;
he fills you with the finest of wheat.⁸

God's love for the psalmist's people is praiseworthy, as is God's love for all people.

Finally, the psalmist praises God for creating the weather.  He proclaims,

He sends out his command to the earth;
his word runs swiftly.
He gives snow like wool;
he scatters frost like ashes.
He hurls down hail like crumbs -
who can stand before his cold?
He sends out his word, and melts them;
he makes his wind blow, and the waters flow.⁹

I think that, when the psalmist praises God for creating the weather, he praises God's creativity and attention to detail.  God did not create a world that is uniform or static.  Different regions of the earth have different climates.  Furthermore, the weather around the world changes throughout the year.


The Psalms turn our attention to God, and the psalms of praise remind us of why God is praiseworthy.  The one hundred forty-seventh psalm in particular calls our attention to the things God created that we might commonly take for granted, like the weather, the stars, and the ecological systems at work in our world.  I hope my recent reflections on various psalms have inspired you to spend some time with the Psalms for yourself.


Notes:

1. Psalm 147:1 (NRSV)
2. Psalm 147:2-3 (NRSV)
3. Michael D. Coogan, et al.  The New Oxford Annotated Bible, Third Edition.  2001, Oxford University Press, Inc.  Hebrew Bible p. 901
4. Psalm 147:4-5 (NRSV)
5. Brian Jackson.  "How many stars are there in space?"  Astronomy.com, 09/28/2021.
6. Psalm 147:6 (NRSV)
7. Psalm 147:8-9 (NRSV)
8. Psalm 147:12-14 (NRSV)
9. Psalm 147:15-18 (NRSV)

The image of the NGC 4414 galaxy was created by the Hubble Space Telescope.