Introspection: Why I Worry

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Comments are always welcomed.
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Why I Worry

And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?

Matthew 6:27 (NRSV)

Disregard your inner monologue
Don't try to drown it out
'Cause it'll only wear you out
Sometimes things are just beyond control
That has to be OK
And you don't have a choice

From "Everything Is OK" by Halou

Over the years, I've tried to figure out why so many people, myself included, are so prone to worrying.  At one time, I began to wonder if maybe worry was a form of addiction.  Why else would anyone compulsively do something that feels so unpleasant?  I wondered if maybe some kind of twelve-step program for people who worry was in order - a "Worryholics Anonymous," if you will.  Later on, I began to wonder if maybe people who worry are not addicted to the worry itself but are rather addicted to control.  Worrying, then, would be a withdrawal symptom that control addicts experience when they face situations they cannot control.

I have recently started to suspect that worry might actually be a feeble attempt to exercise control that one does not actually have.  I think that might be what worry is for me, at least.

I'm afraid that I'm not quite as rational as I want people to think I am.

One evening a little over a month ago, when I couldn't stop worrying about something, I found a Psychology Today blog post by Sandra Llera and Michelle Newman, who point out that, despite the negative effects of worrying, "ironically, people often harbor positive beliefs about worrying."  In other words, for some reason, some people apparently think that worry is actually a good thing.  Llera and Newman suggest that, for some people, worrying might seem like a form of problem solving and that some people use worry as a means of emotionally preparing themselves for something bad that might happen.¹

Personally, I can remember recently thinking that not worrying about something was tanamount to simply allowing it to happen, as if my worrying about it was somehow holding it at bay.  Like all people who worry, I realize that the things I worry might happen rarely do happen, but I seem to have mixed up correlation and causation so that I think, perhaps subconsciously, that these bad things don't happen because I worry about them.  I'm not exactly sure why I believe I have this metaphysical influence over the world around me.  Maybe I think that, if God can see how much my worrying about something is making me suffer, then God just might go easy on me and stop it from happening.

After I spent a day worrying about the aforementioned matter last month, I discovered the next day that everything was fine.  Once again, I worried that something bad might happen, and it didn't happen.  One would think that this instance would serve as yet another reminder that worrying about things is pointless, but I think it might have actually had the opposite effect and positively reinforced my tendency to worry.  I worried that something bad might happen, and it didn't happen, perhaps, because I worried about it.

Have I mentioned that I'm not as rational as I want people to think?

Llera and Newman point out that "positive beliefs about worry tend to hold even if things turn out okay."  They write, "Instead of recognizing how much time you just wasted by worrying, you might feel like you've dodged a bullet.  This can also reinforce worrying because the sense of relief feels so good."²  I must admit that the relief I felt last month felt pretty sweet - and maybe even a bit rewarding.

Perhaps what needs to happen is that I worry about something that actually does end up happening so that I can finally see that worrying really doesn't do any good.  If I just look back on my life, I can probably find a number of such instances.

In Feburary of last year, I woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and saw that my face was swollen.  The swelling appeared to be centered around one of my sinus cavities, so I suspected that I had a sinus infection.  I'm always somewhat congested, so a sinus infection was a natural guess.  The swelling went away, but my body temperature kept fluctuating, so I ended up getting tested for COVID-19.  The test came back negative.  Over time, it became clear that I had an abscessed tooth.  It wasn't ruining my life, so I just lived with it until my next dental checkup.  The truth is that I avoided going to the dentist because I was worried that I would need a root canal.

It turns out that I didn't need a root canal.  I needed to have my tooth pulled.  What ended up happening was actually worse than what I worried might happen.  I'm currently in the process of having an implant put in.  I've been wearing a temporary false tooth, which is sometimes called a "flipper," so that I don't look like a hillbilly or a hockey player.

I need to get real and just accept that my worrying about things isn't accomplishing anything besides ruining my life.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus urges us to not worry.³  He asks, "Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?"⁴  Truth be told, we probably subtract hours from our lifespan by worrying.  In any case, an hour spent worrying is an hour wasted, and time is too precious to waste.  Jesus says, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own.  Today's trouble is enough for today."⁵

Praying the serenity prayer regularly has forced me to regularly admit that there are things in my life that are out of my control that I just have to accept - things that I have to trust God to set right.  This prayer is a regular challenge to live in the present moment and a regular reminder that enduring difficult times will ultimately lead to greater peace.

If I want a greater sense of peace in my life, then I need to get worry out of my life.  I need to accept that there are things in my life that are out of my control and that worrying about them will do nothing to change them.  Peace will never be found in a constant futile attempt to control what we cannot accept, but it just might be found in learning to accept what we cannot control.


Notes:

1. Sandra Llera and Michelle Newman.  "The Secret Reason Why You Can't Stop Worrying."  The Courage of Happiness, 11/26/2019.
2. ibid.
3. Matthew 6:25-34
4. Matthew 6:27 (NRSV)
5. Matthew 6:34 (NRSV)

The photograph of the broken tree is used courtesy of pxfuel.com.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Lenten Perspective: The Fox and the Hen

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

The Fox and the Hen

As Jesus came to the city and observed it, he wept over it.  He said, "If only you knew on this of all days the things that lead to peace.  But now they are hidden from your eyes."

Luke 19:41-42 (CEB)

Tried to give you warning
But everyone ignores me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening
Called to you so clearly
But you don't want to hear me
Told you everything loud and clear
But nobody's listening

From "Nobody's Listening" by Linkin Park

There is an old story in which a hungry fox walks into a barn and spots a hen perched high where he cannot reach.  The fox tells the hen that he came to visit her because he heard that she was sick.  He then suggests that she come down to him so that he can check on her.  The hen replies that she is indeed very ill and insists that she is in such bad shape that she had better stay where she is because coming down could very well be the end of her.¹

This story is a warning that sometimes people have ulterior motives.

In the Gospel of Luke, we read another story about a fox and a hen.

One day, while Jesus is ministering to the poeple of Galilee, some religious leaders interrupt Him to warn Him that King Herod is seeking His life.  Jesus then says to them, "Go, tell that fox, 'Look, I'm throwing out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will complete my work.'"²

Jesus evidently doesn't think very highly of Herod Antipas, the Roman Empire's proxy ruler over Galilee.  According to William Barclay, in Jesus' culture, the fox is "the symbol of a worthless and insignificant man."³  N.T. Wright suggests that Herod Antipas was only king "because the Romans, recognizing his father [Herod the Great] as the most effective thug around, had promoted him from nowhere to keep order at the far end of their territories."⁴  Jesus isn't going to let anyone, no matter how powerful or violent, stop Him from doing what God has called Him to do.  In Barclay's words, "Jesus took his orders from God, and he would not shorten his work by one day to please or to escape any earthly king."⁵

It is also worth noting that a fox is a predator.  In Jesus' culture, it is considered "the slyest" and "the most destructive of animals."⁶

Jesus then thinks of Jerusalem, the great city where His journey will eventually take Him, the city where a cross awaits Him, and laments that "it's impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem."  He cries out, "Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those who were sent to you!  How often I have wanted to gather your people just as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.  But you didn't want that."⁷

N.T. Wright notes that there have been instances in which people have inspected the aftermath of farmyard fires and found dead hens with living chicks still sheltered under their wings.  With no means of escaping the fires, these hens sacrificed their lives to protect their chicks.⁸

The hen wants to protect the chicks, and the fox wants to devour the hen.

In Wright's words, "Jesus' destiny... is to go to Jerusalem and die, risking the threats of the fox, and adopting the role of the mother hen to the chickens faced with sudden danger."⁹  Jesus wants to protect the people of Jerusalem in the same way that the mother hens protected her chicks amid the fires, but the "fire" that concerns Jesus is the destruction of the city.

When Jesus finally reaches Jerusalem, He will ride into the city on a donkey to waving palm branches shouts of "Hosanna!" which means "Save us now!"¹⁰  Afterward, knowing that the people would really prefer the kind of savior who rides into town on a war horse over one who rides on a humble donkey, He will look over the city and weep, saying,
If only you knew on this of all days the things that lead to peace.  But now they are hidden from your eyes.  The time will come when your enemies will build fortifications around you, encircle you, and attack you from all sides.  They will crush you completely, you and the people within you.  They won't leave one stone on top of another within you, because you didn't recognize the time of your gracious visit from God.¹¹

Roughly forty years later, the people of Jerusalem will revolt against the Roman Empire, and the Romans will respond by destroying the city.

Jesus demonstrated the ways of peace and self-sacrificial love, but people rejected His ways and met with destruction.  Perhaps, during this Lenten season, we should examine our own lives and consider whether our ways are more hen-like or fox-like.  Are we striving to love as Christ showed us, or are we falling into more destructive patterns?  If we are indeed on destructive paths, may we turn around before it's too late.


Notes:

1. https://fablesofaesop.com/the-hen-and-the-fox-barn.html
2. Luke 13:31-32 (CEB)
3. William Barclay.  The New Daily Study Bible: The Gospel of Luke.  2001, Saint Andrew Press.  p. 220
4. N.T. Wright.  Luke for Everyone.  2004, Westminster John Knox Press.  p. 172
5. Barclay, p. 220
6. ibid.
7. Luke  13:33-34 (CEB)
8. Wright, p. 171
9. Wright, p. 173
10. Luke 19:29-40
11. Luke 19:41-44 (CEB)

The photograph of the hen and the chicks was taken by Marcel Langthim, who made it available royalty-free.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Lenten Perspective: Once More Unto the Wilderness

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Once More Unto the Wilderness

Since, then, we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast to our confession.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin.  Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (NRSV)

All of this, all of this can be yours
Just give me what I want, and no one gets hurt

From "Vertigo" by U2

In the Gospel of Luke, we read that, when Jesus goes to the Jordan River to be baptized, He spends some time in prayer.  While He is praying, the heavens are torn open.  The Spirit of God takes the form of a dove and descends upon Him, and a voice from Heaven says, "You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased."¹

Jesus is then compelled by the Holy Spirit to journey into the wilderness, where He spends forty days fasting.²  At some point, the devil starts trying to tempt Him.  Knowing that Jesus is hungry, the devil says to Him, "If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become a loaf of bread."  Not only was Jesus identified as the Son of God at His baptism, He was also endowed with the power of the Holy Spirit.  Quoting the Book of Deuteronomy, Jesus replies, "It is written, 'One does not live by bread alone.'"³

The devil then shows Jesus all of the kingdoms of the world and says to Him, "To you I will give their glory and all this authority; for it has been given over to me, and I give it to anyone I please.  If you, then, will worship me, it will all be yours."  Quoting the Book of Deuteronomy yet again, Jesus replies, "It is written, 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.'"⁴

The devil then whisks Jesus away to the roof of the Temple of the Lord in Jerusalem, and says, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here."  Seeing Jesus' appreciation for the Hebrew Scriptures, the devil quotes the part of the ninety-first Psalm:

For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.⁵

If the multitudes in Jerusalem could see Jesus jump off the temple and be caught by angels, they would have no doubt about who He is.  Quoting the Book of Deuteronomy for a third time, Jesus replies, "It is said, 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"⁶

Resisted three times, the devil decides to leave Jesus alone... for the time being.

The story of Jesus' forty day journey through the wilderness provides the basis for our observance for the forty-day season of fasting and penitence known as Lent.  As Jesus fasted in the wilderness, we too practice self-denial, and, as Jesus stared down the tempter, we face with a spirit of repentance the ways we have given into our own temptations.

I've written about the story of Jesus' wilderness experience a number of times in the past, pointing out the ways that Jesus' temptations might reflect some of our own.

Almost eight years ago, I pointed out how Jesus' temptations reflect those faced today by the Church.  The temptation to misuse divine power to turn a stone into bread reflects the temptation of leaders in the church to misuse the authority entrusted to them.  The temptation to bow down to the devil in exchange for world domination reflects the temptation to take one's eyes off the one true God in pursuit of other gods like wealth, power, and fame.  The temptation to take the devil's supposedly biblical advice and jump off the temple reflects the temptation to misuse Scripture in self-serving ways.

About two years later, I pointed out how Jesus' temptations were all temptations to avoid suffering by taking the easy way out.  Turning a stone into bread would have been an easy way to avoid the pain of hunger.  Kneeling to the devil in return for power would have been an easy way to avoid the Cross.  Being caught by angels in front of the people of Jerusalem would have been an easy way to avoid the pain of rejection.  As the Suffering Servant of God, Jesus was not meant to take the easy way out.

Three years ago, I drew from the teachings of Henri Nouwen and pointed out how Jesus' temptations reflect the ways we are tempted to define ourselves.  The temptation to turn a stone into bread reflects our temptation to define ourselves by what we do.  The temptation to take over the world reflects our temptation to define ourselves by what we have.  The temptation to put on a show for the people reflects our temptation to define ourselves by what other people think of us.⁷  Perhaps, it was not just a knowledge of the Scriptures that enabled Jesus to resist temptation in the wilderness but also knowing His identity as the beloved Son of God with whom God is well pleased.

Of course these are only three ways we might see our own temptations reflected in the story of Jesus' temptation in the wilderness.

Scholar William Barclay suggests that Jesus' temptations were all temptations to influence people through various means.  The temptation to turn a stone into bread was the temptation to influence people through bribery.  The temptation to worship the devil in return for power was the temptation to influence people through compromise.  The temptation to be caught by angels was the temptation to influence people through sensationalism.⁸

Scholar N.T. Wright suggests that Jesus resisted temptation in the wilderness in order to succeed where His own people had failed in the past.  When Jesus refused to turn a stone into bread, He was placing His faithfulness to God over His physical needs.  When Jesus refused to kneel to the devil in exchange for world domination, He was choosing the path of humble service over the pursuit of status and power.  When Jesus refused to jump off the temple and allow angels to catch Him, He was refusing to provoke God to act by doing something extremely foolish.⁹

The ways we might apply the story of Jesus' temptation in the wilderness to our lives are countless.  The story, however we might apply it, teaches us that, in the words of one early Christian theologian, "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who in every respect has been tested as we are, yet without sin."¹⁰  Maybe, during this Lenten season, we could consider how our own temptations are reflected in the story of Jesus' temptation and how we might follow Jesus' example in resisting them.


Notes:

1. Luke 3:21-22 (NRSV)
2. A majority of this perspective is based on Luke 4:1-13.  Quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version.
3. See Deuteronomy 8:3.
4. See Deuteronomy 6:13.
5. Psalm 91:11-12 (NRSV)
6. See Deuteronomy 6:16.
7. Henri Nouwen.  "Being the Beloved."
8. William Barclay.  The New Daily Study Bible: The Gospel of Luke.  2001, Saint Andrew Press.  pp. 52-53
9. N.T. Wright.  Luke for Everyone.  2004, Westminster John Knox Press.  p. 44
10. Hebrews 4:15 (NRSV)

Christ in the Wilderness was painted by Ivan Kramskoi in 1872.

Lenten Perspective: Ash Wednesday Reminders

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.
Comments are always welcomed.
If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Ash Wednesday Reminders

By the sweat of your face
you shall eat bread
until you return to the ground,
for out of it you were taken;
you are dust,
and to dust you shall return.

Genesis 3:19 (NRSV)

Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become

From "Undo" by Rush of Fools

At the beginning of 2021, I realized that the Scripture passages prescribed for New Year's Day by the Revised Common Lectionary,¹ the three-year cycle of readings used by many churches, were the same for all three years.  I read all four of them and considered what reminders they might offer us at the beginning of a new year.  Recently I realized that the same is true regarding the passages for Ash Wednesday, so I thought I might consider what reminders these four readings might offer us at the beginning of the season of introspection and penitence we know as Lent.

"A Clean Heart"
(Psalm 51:1-17)

The Psalm for Ash Wednesday is the Fifty-first Psalm, the song of penitence written by King David after he was confronted for taking the life of Uriah, one of his most loyal soldiers, and utterly destroying the life of Bathsheba, Uriah's wife.²  I suspect that a younger David would have never thought that he would ever be capable of doing anything so cruel and selfish.  I also suspect that, once he was forced to face his crimes, he found himself shocked by his own actions.

David, now realizing that his sinfulness runs deeper than he previously thought, confesses, "Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me."³  With a greater understanding of the darkness lurking deep within him, he prays to God, "You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart."⁴  He asks God to cleanse him of his sin, praying, "Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin."⁵  Realizing that he needs to be transformed at the deepest levels, he prays, "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me."⁶

Sometimes, like David, we don't know what is lurking deep within us until something brings it to the surface, and sometimes, like David, we don't know what we're capable of doing until we've already done it.  The Fifty-first Psalm reminds us that our sinfulness runs deeper than we realize, that we need God to reveal what is hidden within us, and that we need God to cleanse us and transform us at our deepest levels.


"Return" and "Be Reconciled to God"
(Joel 2:1-2, 12-17 and 2 Corinthians 5:20b-6:10)

The other Old Testament reading for Ash Wednesday is taken from the Book of Joel, in which the titular prophet proclaims, "Return to the Lord, your God, for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and relents from punishing."⁷  Joel is speaking amid a national emergency which would have been understood to be punishment from God for the sins of the people.  The prophet calls on the people to return to God "with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning,"⁸ wondering, "Who knows whether he will not turn and relent...?"⁹

Similarly, in the Epistle reading for Ash Wednesday, the apostle Paul, speaking "on behalf of Christ," urges his readers in Corinth to "be reconciled to God."¹⁰  Reminding his readers of God's own work of reconciliation in Jesus Christ, he writes, "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."¹¹  Paul goes on to proclaim to his readers, "See, now is the acceptable time; see, now is the day of salvation!"¹²

Sometimes there are things in our lives that are not as they should be, straining our relationship with God.  The words of the prophet Joel and the apostle Paul challenge us to set such things right and assure us that, no matter how far from home we have strayed, God is always ready to welcome us back.


"Practicing Your Piety"
(Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21)

The Gospel reading for Ash Wednesday is excerpted from the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus says, "Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven."¹³  Regarding charitable giving, He says, "Whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you...  But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing..."¹⁴  Regarding prayer, He says, "Whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret..."¹⁵  Regarding fasting, He says, "Whenever you fast, do not look dismal...  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face..."¹⁶

Repeatedly, Jesus tells us not to be like "the hypocrites" who want their acts of piety to be seen by others.¹⁷  The word hypocrite is derived from the Greek word hupokritēs which describes an actor,¹⁸ one whose profession is to play a part for an audience.  Jesus suggests that hypocrites are rewarded for their acts of piety when they are seen as pious by others.  He urges us to practice our piety discretely so that it is seen by God alone and to let God be the one to reward us for it.  Repeatedly He says, "Your Father who sees in secret will reward you."¹⁹

The Sermon on the Mount reminds us that, when we do something solely to be noticed by others, we miss out on what God wants to accomplish in us through the experience.


So what do these four passages remind us about the season of Lent?  The words of King David in the Fifty-first Psalm remind us that Lent is a time to look within ourselves and to allow God to reveal to us what we have tried not to see.  The words of the prophet Joel and the apostle Paul remind us that Lent is a time to set right the things in our lives that are separating us from God.  The words of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount remind us that Lent is a time to quietly practice our piety so that we may focus on our relationship with God.

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For more thoughts about what the Fifty-first Psalm teaches us about our sinfulness, see my 2016 Lenten Perspective "A Clean Heart."

For more thoughts about what the Sermon on the Mount teaches us about practicing our piety, see my 2014 sermon "A Brighter, Zestier World."


Notes:

1. The Revised Common Lectionary can be found here: https://lectionary.library.vanderbilt.edu
2. 2 Samuel 11:1-12:14
3. Psalm 51:5 (NRSV)
4. Psalm 51:6 (NRSV)
5. Psalm 51:2 (NRSV)
6. Psalm 51:10 (NRSV)
7. Joel 2:13 (NRSV)
8. Joel 2:12 (NRSV)
9. Joel 2:14 (NRSV)
10. 2 Corinthians 5:20 (NRSV)
11. 2 Corinthians 5:21 (NRSV)
12. 2 Corinthians 6:2 (NRSV)
13. Matthew 6:1 (NRSV)
14. Matthew 6:2-3 (NRSV)
15. Matthew 6:6 (NRSV)
16. Matthew 6:16-17 (NRSV)
17. Matthew 6:2, 5, 16
18. Wiktionary: "Hypocrite"
19. Matthew 6:3-4, 6, 17-18

The photograph of the imposition of ashes was provided royalty-free by pxfuel.com.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.