Perspective: Hallmarks of a Hypocrite

Disclaimer: The following perspective contains descriptions of both hypocrites and authentic people.  In the interest of being less of one of the former, I have no choice but to admit that I have a long way to go in becoming one of the latter.

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Hallmarks of a Hypocrite

Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?  Or how can you say to your neighbor, "Friend, let me take out the speck in your eye," when you yourself do not see the log in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.

Luke 6:41-42 (NRSV)

I focused on the score

But I could never win

Trying to ignore

A life of hiding my sin

From "Undo" by Rush of Fools

In one account of Jesus' ministry, the Gospel attributed to St. Matthew, we read that, one day, a great multitude of people gathered around Jesus at a mountain.  From that mountain, Jesus began teach the crowds.¹  The collection of teachings that follows, aptly known as the Sermon on the Mount, makes up the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of the Gospel of Matthew.  This sermon touches on many different aspects of life and is probably the most famous of Jesus' discourses.  Many people, Mennonites for example, seek to live their lives according to the Sermon on the Mount, and much of theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer's famous work The Cost of Discipleship is a study of this sermon.

In another account of Jesus' ministry, the Gospel attributed to St. Luke, we read that when a great multitude gathered to hear Jesus, He spoke not from a mountain, but on a plain.²  In this Gospel, Jesus delivers the shorter and lesser known Sermon on the Plain, which is found entirely within the sixth chapter.³  The Sermon on the Plain contains a lot of the same material found in its more famous counterpart, but it covers a lot less ground.

Jesus begins the Sermon on the Mount with a series of blessings, often called the Beatitudes, for the people at the bottom of the proverbial ladder.⁴  In the Sermon on the Plain, Jesus begins not only with blessings for the people at the bottom, but also woes for the people at the top.⁵  These blessings and woes remind us that the Kingdom of God will be an equalizing force.  Those on the bottom will experience blessing as they are lifted up, but those at the top will be filled with woe as they are brought down to everyone else's level.  As Jesus will later say, "Those who are last will be first and those who are first will be last."⁶

A major theme throughout the remainder of the Sermon on the Plain is living with authenticity.  We can see the same thread running through the Sermon on the Mount, but the Sermon on the Plain seems to be a bit more focused on the subject.

Hypocrites treat certain people, the people they like, much better than they treat everyone else.  They live by the law of reciprocity, doing unto others what others have done unto them.  They treat people especially well when they stand to benefit.  Jesus says that there is absolutely nothing noteworthy or meritorious about such behavior because most people tend to act in this way.⁷

Authentic people treat everyone with compassion.  They love all people, even those who hate them; they pray for their abusers; they forgive wrongdoings committed against them; they give to those who cannot give them anything in return; and they treat other people the way they would want other people to treat them.⁸  Jesus calls such people "children of the Most High," as God is "kind to the ungrateful and the wicked."  They withhold judgment and condemnation because they understand that all children of God, themselves included, are in need of mercy because they all have the capacity to be wayward children.⁹

Hypocrites point out the sinfulness of other people while ignoring, downplaying, or totally denying their own sinfulness.  Jesus says that they are like blind people who try to guide other blind people, only to end up falling into a ditch.  More humorously, He says that they are like people who offer to remove the debris from other people's eyes while they have whole logs in their own eyes.¹⁰  Of course, hypocrites don't really care about helping other people in their struggles: they just want to show off their own superiority.

Authentic people are honest with themselves.  They don't get wrapped up in all that "hate the sin and love the sinner" garbage because their struggle is against their own sinfulness and not against the sin of others.  Jesus says that such people are actually able to help others in their struggles, for it is not until a person gets the debris out of her own eyes that she can help someone else to do the same.¹¹  Not only will she be able to see clearly, she will actually know from experience how to help other people clean out their eyes.

Hypocrites hurt people with their religion.  Their hearts have not been transformed, because their religion has nothing to do with personal transformation.  Jesus says that we can know the state of a person's heart by what comes out in a person's words and actions, in the same way that we can classify a tree by the kind of fruit it produces.  Good trees produce good fruit, and bad trees produce thorns.¹²  Hypocrites are like trees that have nothing to offer the world but thorns because they bear no actual fruit.

Authentic people are transformed by their faith at their deepest levels.  This change of heart works its way outward into their actions.  It is as if they have become new kinds of trees that produce fruit that other people find nourishing to the soul and sweet to the taste.

Hypocritical Christians prioritize being right over doing right.  Though they proclaim that "Jesus is Lord," they do not live like the One whom they exalt with their words.  Jesus asks such people, "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I tell you?"¹³  Again, the religion of hypocrites has nothing to do with personal transformation.  Who they are on the inside is revealed when they are put to the test.  Jesus says that they are like builders who shoddily built their houses on a foundation of sand.  Their work will ultimately be washed away in a flood.¹⁴

Authentic followers of Jesus proclaim that He is Lord and actually live as though He is Lord.  They love Jesus so much that they put His teachings into practice and strive to become more and more like Him.  Jesus compares such people to builders who dig deep into the ground and lay a solid foundation on which they build their houses.  When put to the test, their work remains standing.¹⁵

The word hypocrite is derived from the Greek word hupokritēs which refers to an actor.¹⁶  Hypocrites, like actors, live their lives pretending to be something they are not.  Are you a hypocritical Christian?  If so, you're in good company.  Researchers from the Barna Group, in a study documented in the 2007 book unChristian, found that eighty-five percent of non-Christians between the ages of sixteen and twenty-nine considered Christians to be at least somewhat hypocritical.  Fifty-four percent considered Christians to be very hypocritical.¹⁷  It would seem that there is a hypocrisy pandemic among Christians.

If you think that you might exhibit some of the hallmarks of a hypocrite, don't give up on yourself.  Instead, get real with yourself.  Remember that Jesus did not come into the world for the sake of good, upstanding religious folk, for, as Jesus says, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick."¹⁸  A doctor cannot heal us of our sickness if we are unwilling to acknowledge our symptoms.


Notes:

1. Matthew 5:1-2
2. Luke 6:17-19
3. Specifically, Luke 6:20-49
4. Matthew 5:3-12
5. Luke 6:20-26
6. Luke 13:30 (CEB)
7. Luke 6:32-34
8. Luke 6:27-31
9. Luke 6:35-38 (NRSV)
10. Luke 6:39-42
11. Luke 6:42
12. Luke 6:43-45
13. Luke 6:46 (NRSV)
14. Luke 6:49
15. Luke 6:47-48
16. Wiktionary: Hypocrite
17. David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons.  unChristian: What a New Generation Really Thinks About Christianity... and Why It Matters.  2007, Baker Books.
18. Luke 5:31-32 (NRSV)

The Sermon on the Mount was painted by Carl Heinrich Bloch in 1877.

Introspection: Do I Want to Get Well?

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Do I Want to Get Well?

A certain man was there who had been sick for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there, knowing that he had already been there a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

John 5:5-6 (CEB)

We throw tantrums like parties

We're not happy 'til everyone knows we're sick

And that's just how we like it

We've hurt bad enough, right, we've earned it

From "Get Well" by Icon for Hire

Near one of the northern entrances to Jerusalem, the Sheep Gate, was a pool of water called the Pool of Bethesda.  In Jesus' day, it was believed that, on certain occasions, an angel would descend from Heaven and agitate the water in this pool.  The first person to get into the pool at that time would be miraculously healed of whatever ailments he or she had.  People who were sick or disabled would lie on the covered porches surrounding this pool, waiting for the water to be stirred up by the angel.¹

At the Pool of Bethesda, there was a man who had spent the last thirty-eight years of his life waiting for his chance to be healed, but, unfortunately, someone else has always made it into the water first.  One day, while passing by the pool, Jesus approached this man and asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

The man replied, "Sir, I don't have anyone who can put me in the water when it is stirred up.  When I'm trying to get to it, someone else has gotten in ahead of me."

Jesus said to the man, "Get up!  Pick up your mat and walk."  The man then did exactly what Jesus told him to do.²

That day happened to be the Sabbath day which is, according to one of the Ten Commandments, a day that is set aside for the sole purpose of rest.  All forms of work, including acts of healing, were forbidden on the Sabbath,³ so Jesus would soon find Himself in hot water with the religious leaders for healing the man.⁴  To be honest, I have my doubts that any kind of supernatural healing actually happened on that day.  Though it is obvious that the man experienced healing of some kind, I wonder if Jesus simply told him what he needed to hear.

Consider again what happened.  Jesus approaches the man and asks him if he wants to get well.  The man does not say "yes" or "no": he just complains that somebody else always gets a miraculous healing instead of him because nobody will help him into the water.  He basically says, "I just can't catch a break!"  Jesus then tells the man to get up, pick up his mat, and walk.  Perhaps Jesus is saying, "You don't need to catch a break.  Just get up and recover!"  Perhaps the man actually needed some physical therapy more than he needed a miracle.  Perhaps, instead of actively working to recover from his malady, he simply lay around pitying himself because of all the ways the odds were seemingly stacked against him in life.

I think that the question Jesus asks the man, "Do you want to get well?" might be one of the most probing and convicting questions Jesus asks in all of the Gospels.  When I read this story a few weeks ago and asked myself this very question, it totally wrecked me.  If you have been reading this blog for any length of time, then you know that I am not exactly happy with how my life has turned out.  Though I am quick to complain about my adult life, I tend to be slow to actually take any steps to make it better.

"Do I want to get well?"  At first, the question seems to be a no-brainer.  We might think to ourselves, "Of course, I want to get well!  What a ridiculous question!  Why would anyone not want to get well?"  At the same time, if we're honest, we must admit that it is a lot easier to sit around, lamenting our bad luck, making excuses, assigning blame, envying other people, cursing our inadequacies, numbing our pain, retreating into our fantasies, and feeling sorry for ourselves than to actually do what is necessary to make progress.  It's very easy to point the finger at someone else in this regard - I'm sure we can all think of someone who claims that he or she wants to do better but seems to be doing very little about it - but this is a question we all need to ask ourselves.

If we're quick to say that we do indeed want to do better, then perhaps we need to ask ourselves if there could be any reason we might not want to do better.  Perhaps we need to ask ourselves if there is any reason we are not taking the steps to make progress.  I think that, in my case, it all comes down to fear: fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of difficulty, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of criticism, fear of conflict, fear of humiliation, fear of unwanted attention, and maybe even fear of success.  Often there is safety in the familiar, even if what's familiar sucks.

In life, we face real struggles, real hardships, real disappointments, and real traumas.  Believe me when I say that I do not want to diminish any of these things for anybody.  These things may be one's own fault, or they may be the fault of someone else, but, regardless of who is to blame, it is ultimately one's own responsibility to take the steps necessary to move forward in life.  This might mean making some serious changes in life.  It might mean seeking counseling.  It might mean trying again where one has failed.  In my case, it might mean facing my fears.  If we fail to take such steps, we might someday find ourselves looking back on our lives, realizing that we've wasted the last thirty-eight years.

So often we ask God to help us to do better, but Christ asks us if we actually want to do better.  May we be honest with ourselves regarding our own lots in life, and may we find the courage to take the next step necessary to better our lives and to better ourselves.


Notes:

1. This particular detail, read in John 5:4, is not found in certain ancient manuscripts of John's Gospel, leading some scholars to believe that it might have been a later addition.  Depending on the version of the Bible you happen to be reading, you might read this part with the rest of the passage or in a footnote.
2. John 5:1-9 (CEB)
3. Exodus 20:8-11
4. John 5:10-18

The photograph of the replica of the Jerusalem pools was taken by Deror Avi.  The photographer, who holds the copyright to this image, is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Pentecost Perspective: Seeking the Kingdom

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Seeking the Kingdom

[Jesus] said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear.  For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing...  For it is the nations of the world that strive after all these things, and your Father knows that you need them.  Instead, strive for his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

Luke 12:22-23,30-31 (NRSV)

They say in Heaven love comes first

We'll make Heaven a place on Earth

From "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" by Belinda Carlisle

In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of human needs.  Maslow argued that one's more basic needs must be met before one can even begin to realize one's higher needs.  The most basic human needs, according to this hierarchy, are physiological needs like food, clothing, and shelter.  Beyond these needs are safety needs like security and health.  Next is the need for love and belonging.  Beyond this is the need for esteem, which includes both self-respect and the respect of other people.  The highest need on this hierarchy is the need for self-actualization, in other words, the need to be everything one was created to be.¹

Jesus once encouraged His audience not to worry about meeting their basic necessities like food and clothing, needs that Maslow would place among the most basic of human needs.  Jesus then said that there is more to life than food and clothing, hinting at a higher purpose for existence.  I think that Jesus would agree with Maslow that we all need more than merely what is required for our survival.  Jesus went on to encourage His audience to strive for the Kingdom of God, assuring them that their basics needs would be met.

I suspect that the conventional interpretation of this particular teaching of Jesus is that, if we simply trust in God, we will not need to worry about our basic necessities because God will provide for us.  I won't deny the truth in this understanding, for Jesus himself points out that the same God who feeds the birds and elegantly dresses the flowers already knows exactly what we need.²  I do believe that there is perhaps another dimension to Jesus' teaching.  Notice that Jesus does not encourage us to just seek God but rather encourages us to seek the Kingdom of God.

So what is this Kingdom of God about which Jesus so often spoke?  Jesus never explicitly defined the Kingdom of God: He only described the Kingdom, often through the use of parables.  Perhaps the Kingdom of God is something that cannot be adequately defined using human language and concepts.  According to Francis Spufford,
The kingdom, [Jesus] seems to be saying, is something that can only be glimpsed in comparisons, because the world contains no actual example of it.  And yet the world glints and winks and shines everywhere with the possibility of it.³

As undefinable as the Kingdom of God seems to be, I cannot help but notice that its very name implies that it is a place where God is king.  Some describe this reign of God as both "already" and "not yet" - something that already exists but has not been fully realized.  When Jesus taught His disciples to pray, He gave them a model prayer that contains what I think is another clue about the Kingdom of God:

Your kingdom come.

Your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.⁴

Perhaps these two seemingly separate requests to God are actually inextricably linked.  Perhaps the Kingdom of God, the place where God reigns, is the place where God's will is done as in Heaven.

---

After Jesus was resurrected from the dead, He stayed with the Disciples for forty days, teaching them about the Kingdom of God, until He ascended into Heaven.⁵  Ten days later, on a holiday called Pentecost, something amazing happened while the Disciples were gathered together.  They suddenly heard the sound of a mighty wind that blew through the whole house.  Then fire filled the house, and a tongue of fire descended on each of them.  The Disciples ran out of the house, speaking in languages they did not previously know.  People from many different nations, who were living in Jerusalem at the time, could hear them speak in their own native languages.⁶

Jesus had told the Disciples that, after He returned to His Father, He would ask His Father send them another "Companion" who would remind them of what He had already taught them and would go on to "guide [them] into all truth."⁷  The phenomenon the Disciples experienced on the Day of Pentecost was the arrival of this Companion, the Holy Spirit.

On that day, Peter proclaimed the message of Jesus Christ to the crowd that had gathered around them, and three thousand people were baptized and became followers of Christ.  These first Christians formed a community.  They frequently met together, ate together, learned together, and prayed together.  People of wealth sold their possessions and shared the proceeds so that nobody among them would be in need.⁸  Perhaps this community formed by the very first Christians was the natural outgrowth of the Spirit's leading.  Perhaps this community is yet another earthly glimpse of the Kingdom of God.

Perhaps Jesus said that, if we seek the Kingdom of God, we will not have to worry about being in need because Kingdom people take care of each other.

Not long after leaving the pastorate, Rob Bell was asked, if he were to plant another church, what form that church might take.  Taking some cues from the early Christians, he replied that any church he started would be structured around Holy Communion and that, when the congregation was gathered around the table, before they shared in the sacrament, they would first make sure that everyone's bills were paid.⁹

Once during Sunday school, as the class discussed the early Christians, a friend of mine remarked that some people might compare their way of life to communism.  If you have ever been drawn into a political argument with someone, then you know that an easy way to totally dismiss something is to compare it to communism or socialism.

In a society that values individualism and personal freedom, more collective or communal forms of society can seem threatening.  That said, I think that there is a reason that Jesus coupled His proclamation of the Kingdom of God with a call to repentance.  The Greek word metanoia, which is translated into English as repentance, describes a change in mind that results in a change in behavior.¹⁰  To participate in the Kingdom of God, we must change both the way we think and the way we live.  It is utterly arrogant to assume that God's dreams for the world are the same as our own.  I suspect that, no matter how godly we think we are, the coming of the Kingdom of God will mean some growing pains for all of us.¹¹

Please realize that a community like the one formed by the early Christians is not a place where "takers" can live easy lives at the expense of "givers."  For such a community to work properly, all members must be, in the words of St. Paul, "of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind," living in the same self-sacrificial way that Jesus lived and keeping at heart the well-being of one another.¹²  I have little doubt that the early Christians kept each other accountable as they met each others needs.

Jesus teaches us not to worry about meeting our basic needs, but rather to strive for higher things, particularly the Kingdom of God.  We do not need to worry about meeting our basic needs because God gives us the ability to provide for ourselves.  If, for some reason, we are unable to provide for ourselves, we still do not need to worry, because God offers us Kingdom community through which our needs may be met.  With each other's help, we can become all God created us to be.


Notes:

1. Wikipedia: Maslow's heirarchy of needs
2. Luke 12:24-30
3. Francis Spufford.  Unapologetic: Why, Despite Everything, Christianity Can Still Make Surprising Emotional Sense.  2014, Harper One.  p. 123
4. Matthew 6:10 (NRSV)
5. Acts 1:3-9
6. Acts 2:1-13
7. See John 14:16, 14:26, and 16:13 (CEB).
8. Acts 2:14-47
9. Rob Bell, Tripp Fuller, and Bo Sanders.  "Rob Bell, that new show with Carlton Cuse & Post-Mars Hill Goodies."  Homebrewed Christianity, 10/10/2012.
10. Wikipedia: Metanoia (theology)
11. Please do yourself a favor and read The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis.
12. Philippians 2:1-11 (NRSV)

The diagram of Maslow's heirarchy of needs was created by Wikimedia Commons user FireflySixtySeven and is used under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International license.  The creator of the image is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Introspection: Now What? (2016)

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Now What? (2016)

After Jesus said these things, as they were watching, he was lifted up and a cloud took him out of their sight.

Acts 1:9 (CEB)

Hang on, when the water is rising

Hang on, when the waves are crashing

Hang on, just don't ever let go

From "Hang On" by Plumb

The Disciples had been through a lot over the last few years.  They were all called away from their ordinary lives to become the followers of a traveling teacher and healer named Jesus.  They watched as He proclaimed the Kingdom of God, healed the sick, befriended outcasts, and clashed with the religious leaders.  Like many, the Disciples hoped that Jesus was the long-awaited Messiah who would defeat the Roman Empire and restore Israel to its former glory.  They thought their hopes would soon be realized when Jesus took a stand against the Empire by riding into Jerusalem like a king and when Jesus took a stand against the corrupt religious establishment by creating a disturbance at the Temple.  Their hopes were shattered soon afterward when He was executed on a cross.

A couple of days later, after the Disciples began receiving reports from various people that Jesus was alive and well, He suddenly appeared in their midst, saying, "Peace be with you."¹  Their hopes were restored.  Jesus was alive, so everything could go back to normal.  Better yet, Jesus could finally do what He came to do.

It had been forty days since Jesus rose from the dead.  He and the Disciples were gathered at the Mount of Olives, the same place where He was arrested.  One disciple asked Jesus if He would soon restore autonomy to Israel, and Jesus replied that such matters were none of their concern.  He then reminded them that they would soon be empowered by the Holy Spirit to take His message throughout the world.  Suddenly, Jesus began to rise from the ground and float into the sky, and then, as the Disciples were watching, He disappeared into the clouds.²

I cannot help but think that, as the Disciples stared into the clouds, one of them must have asked, "Now what?"

Now what? is a question familiar to all of us.  It is what we ask ourselves when what was is no longer what is and while we still don't know what will be.

Now what? is what I asked myself one Sunday evening in 2007 as I was taking a long walk at my alma mater.  As I sorted through my thoughts, I came to the realization that I felt a bit lost in life.  In the last few months, I had graduated with a bachelors degree in computer science and had landed my first full-time job as a software engineer.  Having completed both of the life goals my parents had set for me, I felt as though my life's work was complete, and I did not really know where my life was supposed to go from there.  I turned a page on the story that had been written for me, and I found a blank page staring back at me.

Now what? is not just a question we ask when we experience a change in life.  Now what? is sometimes what we ask when we blow it so royally that there is no point even pretending to be who we thought we were.

Now what? is what I suspect one of Jesus' disciples must have asked himself.  One evening, full of bravado he declared that he was ready to die for Jesus.  Just a few hours later, after Jesus had been arrested, he fearfully denied even knowing the man.³  His parents named him Simon, but, because of his great faith, Jesus started calling him Peter, meaning rock.⁴  Some rock he turned out to be!  What else was there to do but to tinder his resignation as a disciple and return to his former life as a fisherman?

Now what? is what I think Peter must have been thinking, because I too have felt like a total failure as a follower of Christ.  When my first full-time job proved to be somewhat less than fulfilling, I began to search for something more meaningful in life.  I started preaching because I wondered if I had a future in the ministry.  Then 2013 happened, and I was forced to confront parts of myself I would have been more than happy to keep on ignoring, things like arrogance, judgmentalism, and selfishness.  For years, I had lamented that people did not treat me as I thought they should have treated me, yet, when I found myself in their shoes, I didn't do much better.  I learned that I tend to bail out on people who I think want too much from me.  I figured that there was no point in thinking about the ministry if I didn't want to minister to people.

Now what? is the title of a sermon I delivered for the last two years on Ascension Sunday, the day we commemorate Jesus' ascension into Heaven.  I delivered this sermon to two congregations that were anticipating pastoral changes, hoping to offer some hope to people who might have felt uncertain about the future.  The latter congregation was my home church; the former was a sister congregation.⁵  This year, on Ascension Sunday, there is no church that requires my services.  Perhaps I need to preach to myself this time.

Now what? is a question that has returned to me lately amid recent changes in my life.  A year ago, I was a Sunday school teacher at my home church, and I was also part of a Bible study group at another church.  For some, it was merely a Bible study group, but, for me, it was a group of friends or maybe even a community.  By the time I left my home church, a number of core people had left the group, so leadership of the group fell into my lap.  Due to a lack of attendance, a lack of enthusiasm from within, and a lack of support from the church, the group eventually dissolved.  For a while, I attended church dinners, but, when I changed churches again, I ended up spending more time at my usual loitering places.  Now I'm starting to feel like I'm just spinning my wheels in life.

Now what? is what we ask when we find ourselves in the proverbial wilderness, far from anything familiar, trying to figure out who we are and where we belong in the world.

So what did I say in the past two years to people who may or may not have been asking, "Now what?"

As the Disciples stared at the clouds, into which the One they had been following had just vanished, two angels appeared to tell them to get their heads out of the clouds, so to speak.  The Disciples returned to where they were staying, and they selected a replacement for the disciple they had lost.  They had been told by Jesus that they would soon take His message throughout the world, but they were to stay where they were until they were "baptized with the Holy Spirit," whatever that meant.  As they waited in the threshold between discipleship and apostleship, unsure of what would happen next, they prayed.⁶

Like the Disciples, when we find ourselves asking, "Now what?" we must not stand around with our heads in the clouds, for there is always work to be done.  At one time, I was a Sunday school teacher and a leader in a Bible study group.  When I left my home church, I no longer needed to prepare Sunday school lessons, so I devoted more time to the group.  When the group dissolved, I ended up with a lot more time on my hands.  Blogging was something I once did as time allowed, but now I post something every week.  I've told myself that my blogging is a spiritual discipline, but maybe I'm just trying to keep myself occupied.  In either case, some important people in my life have encouraged me to keep writing, and that is what I intend to do.

Also, like the Disciples, when we find ourselves waiting, unsure of what comes next, we are invited so seek God's will in prayer.  Not too long ago, I realized that prayer was something I lacked.  Unfortunately, this is a habit that has yet to take root in my life.

As for Peter, his return to fishing did not go so well, for he and his friends spent a full night not catching fish.  When morning came, a man on the beach told them to try throwing their nets out from the other side of the boat.  They followed His instructions, and they were unable to haul in the catch of fish.  Jesus first called Peter to follow Him following a miraculous catch of fish, and Jesus called Peter back with the same miracle.  Three times Peter denied Jesus; three times Jesus asked Peter "Do you love me?" and three times Jesus said "Feed my sheep."⁷  Peter may have lost faith in himself as a follower of Christ, but Christ never lost faith in him.

When we fall down on our faces, all we can do is to get back on our feet, brush ourselves off, and keep going.  Failure is not an excuse to throw in the towel but is rather an opportunity to learn and to grow.  My own season of failure forced me to get honest about certain things, taught me some humility, and forced me to rethink what I should expect from myself and from others.  At times, we may be tempted to lose faith in ourselves, but God does not lose faith in us.

As I pondered the question Now what? in the last couple of years, I did not anticipate that I would someday be asking the question from the wilderness, nor did I think that the people at the churches where I spoke might be going through the wilderness themselves.  To anyone who is going through the wilderness like myself, I would paraphrase a certain country song: If you're going through the wilderness, keep on going.⁸  The wilderness experience can be a blessing in disguise, for it has a way of helping us to discover who we really are.  When we're stripped of everything, what's left is what really makes us up.

Now what? is a question that will eventually be answered, whether we ask it in a time of change, after a failure, or from the wilderness, so we must not give up.  That said, I conclude with the words I've shared in the last two years:
When we find ourselves stuck in the threshold between what was and what will be, unsure of what comes next, we must not keep our heads in the clouds.  Neither should we throw in the towel.  When you find yourself in this place, take a moment to remember the past, but don't forget that there is work to be done in the present.  Seek direction from God in prayer, and trust God to guide you into the future.


Notes:

1. Luke 24
2. Acts 1:6-9
3. John 13:36-38; John 18:15-18,25-27
4. Matthew 16:13-19
5. Welcome to the UMC.
6. Acts 1
7. John 21:1-19
8. See "If You're Going Through Hell" by Rodney Atkins.

The photograph of my feet was taken by me Furman University.

Introspection: Check Engine

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Check Engine

Do you have eyes, and fail to see?  Do you have ears, and fail to hear?  And do you not remember?

Mark 8:18 (NRSV)

Give me a revelation

Show me what to do

'Cause I've been trying to find my way

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

From "Revelation" by Third Day

It was a Thursday morning one month ago.  For the last few days, I had noticed that the check engine light on my car's dashboard was on.  It had gone out the day before, so I assumed that the problem somehow worked itself out.  That morning, as I drove to work, I noticed that the check engine light had started blinking, and suddenly my car started driving very rough.  When I arrived at work, I checked my car's user manual and learned that a blinking check engine light indicates an engine misfire.

I was livid.  My car has already given me trouble a number of times since I bought it brand new less than six years ago.  I've had to have my car towed back to my dealer once before because of an engine misfire, and I've already had to have the transmission replaced.  Once again, my life was being interrupted because of my piece-of-junk car.  It was like a microcosm of my life.  To borrow a phrase from Shakespeare's Hamlet, I was once again the victim of "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

I called my car dealer's service department.  I was still getting my car serviced by the dealer, because I thought that my drivetrain might still be under warranty, and I didn't want to risk voiding the warranty.  The woman who took my call told me that the earliest appointment she could get for me was a week and a day away.  I asked her what I was supposed to do in the meantime, and she said, "Well, I wouldn't drive it very far."  Thanks for nothing! I thought to myself.  I told her I would get back in touch with her.

I didn't get back in touch with her.  I decided to take my business elsewhere, warranty or no warranty.

My coworkers tried to help me find a nearby mechanic.  I happen to work at a technical college with an automotive technology department, so my boss suggested that I call the department head and ask him if he could recommend a mechanic.  I called Keith, the head of the automotive technology department, and asked him if he could recommend a mechanic.  He asked me what my problem was, and I told him that I had an engine misfire.  He asked me for the make and model of my car, and I gave him the specs.  He then said, "Hmmm...  That's easy enough.  Bring it on over."

His offer was a welcome surprise.  I was just hoping he would recommend a mechanic.  I didn't expect him to look at my car himself.

I drove down the street to the college's automotive campus and pulled into the garage at the back of the building.  Keith connected a diagnostic machine to my car's computer, but he could not get any results.  He tried connecting another machine to the computer but still could not get any results, so he said that he would have to diagnose the problem the old-fashioned way.  I started my car and popped the hood, and he got to work.

First, Keith disconnected the cable from each engine cylinder one by one.  Because disconnecting the cable from the second cylinder made no difference in how the engine was running, he deduced that the problem was with that particular cylinder.  Next, he tested the cable for that cylinder and determined that there was nothing wrong with it.  After that, I turned off my car, and Keith switched the spark plugs from the second and third cylinders.  When I started up my car again, the problem had not shifted to the third cylinder, so he determined that the problem was not caused by the spark plug.

By process of elimination, Keith deduced that the problem was most likely caused by the ignition coil.  The ignition coil is the component that transforms the low voltage from the car's battery to the high voltage necessary to create the spark that ignites the gasoline in the engine.¹  Keith said that I could probably buy a replacement at an auto parts store.  I asked him how much I owed him, and he told me to pay it forward.

I went back to work, ordered a new ignition coil from an auto parts store, and arranged for in-store pickup.  Because I watched Keith remove the ignition coil to switch the spark plugs, I figured that I could probably replace the part myself.  Around lunchtime, I drove to the auto parts store to pick up my new ignition coil and to purchase the ratchet bit I needed to replace it.  I drove back to work and replaced the part in the parking lot.  It was a simple procedure that took me about five minutes.  When I test drove the car around the building, it was running well once again.

I arrived at work angry, feeling once again like the helpless victim of circumstance.  I did not realize at that time that, as little as I know about auto repair, I was fully capable of fixing my car.  It was a simple matter of buying a new part and replacing the old one.  I just needed someone to help me figure out what the problem was and to show me how to deal with it.

A few days later, registration for summer and fall classes started at the technical college where I work.  One of my duties is to make sure that students are able to register once the registration period starts.  Typically this means enabling registration for the upcoming terms and staying up past midnight to make sure that the more diligent students have already started registering.  Luckily, I am able to do this from home, because I can log into my office computer remotely.

At one point during the evening, I was able to log into my computer at work, but, as midnight drew near, I started getting errors whenever I tried to log in again.  I began to suspect that my computer at the office had reset for some reason.  Registration is sort of a big deal, so, needless to say, I began to panic.  There is a bar near the building in which I work - sometimes I see mini bottles in the parking lot - so I didn't really want to drive over there at midnight.  Furthermore, I wasn't sure that my code for the security system would still work.

After employing a bunch of angry four- and five-letter words, I called my boss, and he suggested that I log into one of my coworkers' computers.  All of the computers are on the same network, so I could log into any one of them using my own username and password.  It was a very simple solution, and I felt rather stupid for not thinking of it myself.

I feel that there must be some sort of existential lesson to be learned from all of this.

Seven years ago, I imagined having a conversation with God, perhaps at the end of my life, perhaps "at the corner of First and Amistad."²  I've never really been satisfied with my adult life, but, when I imagined bringing some of my sources of frustration to God, I had an idea of how God might respond.  First, I asked God why I couldn't find my true calling in life.  God told me that I knew the whole time what I really wanted to do with my life and then asked me why I didn't do it.  Next, I asked God why I couldn't find love.  God replied with the name of a woman I knew at some point in my life, a woman who apparently was fond of me but completely off my radar, and then asked me why I ignored her.

I began to wonder if maybe the answers I seek in life are actually right in front of me though I often don't have the eyes to see them.  I wonder if many of the problems in life that seem so overwhelming - like a faulty ignition coil, a computer problem, or the existential crisis du jour - are actually exaggerated by a lack of knowledge, a lack of insight, or a lack of discernment.

Sometimes, when our own eyes fail us, we need the eyes of other people.

Late last year, I left my home church.  Because I was, by a wide margin, the youngest member of a very small congregation, I was lonely and felt that there was an inordinate amount of pressure on me.  I started attending church with some of my friends from my now-defunct Bible study group, and I made a lot of new friends there.  Over time, I came to realize that, for various reasons, that particular church was not a good fit for me.  At the same time, I was aware of another church that might be a better fit for me, but I had very few personal connections to it.  Though it was not quite as large as the church I had been attending, there was still a healthy number of people my age.

Feeling conflicted, I asked my friend Edward for some guidance.  Edward is an ordained elder in my denomination who ministers to students at my alma mater.  I knew that, as an elder in my region, he understands the lay of the land, but, because he does not serve a specific congregation, I could trust him to be impartial and objective.  He did not tell me which church I should attend, but he gave me a listening ear, helped me to sort through the details of my conundrum, helped me to see my options with more clarity, and gave me a number of things to consider as I weighed my options.

Ultimately I decided to leave behind the familiarity of the church I had been attending.  Since then, I have become more and more enchanted with my new church.  Hopefully, as one who has become a traveler among churches, I will soon be able to rest.

Sometimes the answers we seek in life are right in front of us, though we might not have the eyes to see them.  Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees, and sometimes we can't see the trees for the forest.  At those times, we need the eyes of other people.  When we lack wisdom, insight, or discernment, we need trustworthy people who can help us to see what we are missing.


Notes:

1. Wikipedia: "Ignition Coil"
2. That is a reference to the song "You Found Me" by The Fray.

The diagram of the ignition system is public domain.