Notes from the Wayside: Introspection: Ten Years

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

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Ten Years

Listen to me,

you who look for righteousness,

you who seek the Lord:

Look to the rock from which you were cut

and to the quarry where you were dug.

Look to Abraham your ancestor,

and to Sarah, who gave you birth.

They were alone when I called them,

but I blessed them and made them many.

The Lord will comfort Zion;

he will comfort all her ruins.

He will make her desert like Eden

and her wilderness like the Lord's garden.

Happiness and joy will be found in her -

thanks and the sound of singing.

Isaiah 51:1-3 (CEB)

God, You know where I've been

You were there with me then

You were faithful before

You'll be faithful again

I'm holding Your hand

From "Let the Waters Rise" by MIKESCHAIR

On the evening of May 24, 1738, John Wesley, who was going through a time of frustration and doubt, "went very unwillingly" to a Bible study on Aldersgate Street in London. Basically, he was dragged to it by someone, either human or divine. While he was there, he listened as someone read Martin Luther's commentary on St. Paul's letter to the Romans. Wesley later wrote in his journal,
About a quarter before nine, while he was describing the change which God works in the heart through faith in Christ, I felt my heart strangely warmed. I felt I did trust in Christ, Christ alone, for salvation; and an assurance was given me that He had taken away my sins, even mine, and saved me from the law of sin and death.¹

The story of John Wesley's "Aldersgate experience" has been told and retold by Methodists and other Christians who trace their roots through Wesley.

Recently, the pastors of my church delivered a series of sermons on the experience of being "strangely warmed" or the change of heart Wesley referenced in his journal. The series ended with a "cardboard testimony" service, in which people in the congregation were invited to share, on pieces of cardboard, their own stories of being "strangely warmed" by God. My church holds such services every few of years, but, what made this year's different is that people had to submit videos of themselves showing their cardboard testimonies beforehand, since services at my church have been mostly online since early March because of the pandemic.

I shared a cardboard testimony about three years ago, but I had no intention of sharing one this year. My heart hasn't felt very "warm" lately, and my spiritual life has seemed rather stagnant, like every other aspect of my life since the pandemic started. COVID-19, which I'm convinced came not from a wet market or a laboratory but rather from the very pit of Hell, seems to have sucked most of the joy out of life.

One of the ancient Hebrew prophets once encouraged his people, who were in exile in a strange land, to "look to the rock from which [they] were cut and to the quarry where [they] were dug." In other words, he encouraged them to remember their story. The people of Israel, according to their story, all descended from Abraham and Sarah, a couple who struggled with infertility. In the same way that God enabled the couple to become the ancestors of great nations, God would bring new life to the exiles' ruined cities and the exiles' ruined lives. The commentary in my study Bible highlights "the prophet's reliance on Israel's memory of God's graciousness in the past as a resource in the present moment of crisis."²

My problem is that I tend to let my feelings in the present affect how I view my past and my future. After I saw the cardboard testimonies of my friends from church³ and read the words of the ancient prophet, I realized that I too should have looked back on my own story, and I knew what testimony I should have shared this year.

2007: Software Engineer in the Gambling Industry

2017: Certified to Preach in the United Methodist Church

A lot can change in ten years.

In September of 2007, I started working as a software engineer for a casino vendor. I updated software for video slot machines and video poker machines. I never should have accepted the job, but, since I was fresh out of college with no professional work experience, I figured I needed to take whatever job I could get. Within a year, I regretted my decision. I desperately wanted out of my job, but I was afraid I would have trouble finding another job if I simply quit. I started praying daily that God would provide me a way out.

While I was still working in the gambling industry, I began to wonder if maybe God might be calling me to take another path in life. My pastor gave me some opportunities to preach, and I also started teaching Sunday school.

In 2009, my prayers were answered. The company for which I worked bought another company, consolidated offices, and moved out of state. Because I was unwilling to relocate, my job was terminated. God then led me to a programming job at a local technical college, where I use my skills for the common good.

I continued teaching Sunday school and preaching, and I started writing regularly. Eventually, I started taking classes offered by my denomination on things like preaching, public prayer, and leading worship. Finally, in April of 2017, I was certified as a Lay Speaker in the United Methodist Church. I'm not a pastor, but I'm certified to fill in for pastors when called to do so.

My spiritual life might seem stagnant right now, but, looking back, I can see that God has brought about a lot of change in my life. God was with me in that dreary office where I worked previously, and God guided me down new paths in life. I have to trust that God is still with me amid this pandemic, regardless of how desolate life seems at the moment, and I have to trust that God will bring about more growth in my life through it.

Notes: