Introspection: Am I Enough?

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Am I Enough?

Don't fear, because I am with you;

don't be afraid, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

I will surely help you;

I will hold you

with my righteous strong hand.

Isaiah 41:10 (CEB)

You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing

You say I am strong when I think I am weak

You say I am held when I am falling short

When I don't belong, oh, You say I am Yours

From "You Say" by Lauren Daigle

One year ago, as I shared my final thoughts for 2018, I stated my decision to focus on cultivating  self-worth in 2019.  My goal was to be able to say, with conviction, that "I am enough," contrary to what the figurative tapes that play in my head keep telling me.  Early in the year, amid a time of frustration, I admitted that the reason I chose to focus on self-worth is that I often feel stuck in life.  I don't feel that I have what it takes to get what I want in life, so I hoped that my search for self-worth might lead to some self-confidence as well.

When I started doing my homework on self-worth, I learned that an important part of self-worth is self-knowledge, and that an important thing for one to know about oneself is what one wants in life.¹  I made it a point to read more fiction this year, particularly stories that I thought would speak to me personally or inspire me in some way.  One of the books I read was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.  As I read the story of a young man who set out to realize his "Personal Legend," I begin to reconsider that maybe I too have a destiny, a path I'm meant to follow in life.  I wondered if maybe the restlessness I often feel is evidence that I do indeed have a destiny and that I'm not living into it.

I learned about changing the tapes that play in my head - in other words, my negative inner dialogue.  I learned to first take notice of the negative things I say to myself, to demand evidence that such things are actually true, and then to replace the negative messages with messages that are truer and more positive.²

I realized that one of the things that is probably keeping me stuck is my tendency to live in the past.  I realized that the story I had been telling myself about my life was a story of loss.  As I looked back on some of the losses I experienced over the last few years, I realized that I have regained much of what I had lost, and I realized that my painful experiences got me to where I am today, which is a good place.  I put some of the pain of the past behind me, and I reclaimed some of the things I once enjoyed, like contra dancing.  I attended nine contra dances during the latter half of the year.

a selfie I took at the dance hall before my first contra dance in four and a half years

At least a couple of my experiences from the past year turned out to be important object lessons in self-worth, particularly as it relates to to my relationships with other people.

In early March, I walked a prayer labyrinth at my church.  I made it a point to wait until the person ahead of had me made her way out of the labyrinth before I started working my way inward so that I wouldn't get in her way.  While I was in the center, other people arrived and started walking inward, and I had to negotiate my way around them on my way outward.  The experience taught me that the possibility that I might figuratively bump into someone or step on someone's toes in life is not a bug in the system but is rather a feature.

This was a very important lesson for me - a lesson with which I still need to sit a bit longer.  I've noted in the past that I tend to worry about what people think of me.  The truth is that I fear people's disapproval more than I desire people's approval.  Whenever there is any conflict or any friction whatsoever between myself and another person, I tend to assume that I am the problem.  I assume that I must not be considerate enough, kind enough, thoughtful enough, or loving enough.  I don't consider that the other person might share at least partial responsibility, and, if I do cast blame upon the other person, I do so because I desperately don't want to bear the blame myself.

With more than seven billion people on this planet, conflict in unavoidable.  All we can do is to work through it to the best of our ability when it comes up.

I arrived at church one Sunday back in August and realized that I had forgotten about the potluck luncheon after the service.  I initially planned to skip the luncheon since I did not prepare a dish, but, by the end of the service, I had decided to show myself some grace and to attend the luncheon anyway.  I figured that simply being with my church family was actually more important than having something to offer them.  This too was an important lesson for me, because sometimes I feel that most people don't really care that I exist until they want something from me.  The truth is that I'm worth more than what I can do for people.

Toward the end of the year, I started to see that what's keeping me stuck in life might not be a lack of self-worth but rather fear.  In September, when I created a profile on a dating app only to delete it a few days later, I realized that I have a fear of dating.  Nothing makes me feel that I'm not enough quite like the prospect of dating.

My non-adventures with the dating app made me realize that the things I claim I want most in life, like intimacy and purpose, are actually the things that scare me the most.  I also realized that debunking some of the lies I believe about myself might require measures more risky than simply changing my negative self-talk.  For example, if I want to stop believing that I'm not worth dating, I need to put myself back out there and risk confirming the lie in the hopes that I actually end up disproving it.

I chose to focus on cultivating self-worth this year because I feel stuck in life.  I think I might have chosen to focus on self-worth because it seemed like a safer alternative to what I actually need to get myself unstuck.  That said, I've decided to focus on cultivating courage in 2020.  The prospect of cultivating courage is scary because it will require me to act courageously, and I can only act courageously in the face of fear.  Virtues like courage are not possessed but rather practiced.

Now that I've looked back over the past year and chosen my focus for the next year, I return to the question at hand: Can I say with confidence that I am enough?

For more than three years, I've been part of a small group with other members of my church.  For the last two years, I've helped lead the group.  Last month, as we discussed a sermon in which our guest preacher shared his experience with depression,³ I said that I tend to become depressed when I feel stuck in life.  I confessed that, as a thirty-five-year-old unmarried working stiff who lives with his mother, I feel like a total loser when I look at the lives of other people my age.  My friends in my small group told me that they don't consider me a loser and that they even think of me as a leader in our church.  Though I understand that what people think about me doesn't give me worth, hearing people important to me affirm my worth meant a lot to me.

Probably the most important lesson in self-worth I can share is the one I remembered at the beginning of the year.  As I contemplated the baptism of Christ and remembered my own, I remembered that I am a beloved child of God.  The truth that the Creator of this vast, ancient, ever-expanding universe claims me, loves me, and even delights in me is reason enough for me to have some self-worth.

I won't always feel confident that I am enough, so I will have to simply trust that I am enough, regardless of how I feel at the moment.  I suspect that, if I grow in courage over next year, I will grow in self-worth as well.  I hope that there are amazing things in store for you in 2020, dear reader.  I hope that, amid your moments of discouragement and self-doubt, you choose to trust that you are enough, since you too are a beloved child of God.


Notes:

1. My homework consisted of a course on dignity which was originally offered free of charge by life coach Steve Austin (catchingyourbreath.com).
2. Steve Austin.  "DIGNITY: How to Change Your Self-Talk."
3. Cam Treece.  "The Great Ordeal."  Travelers Rest United Methodist Church, 11/10/2019.

The photograph featured in this introspection was taken by me at Landmark Hall in Taylors, South Carolina.

Christmas Perspective: A New and Glorious Morn

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

A New and Glorious Morn

The people who walked in darkness

have seen a great light;

those who lived in a land of deep darkness -

on them light has shined.

Isaiah 9:2 (NRSV)

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn

From "O Holy Night" by John Sullivan Dwight

One evening, in the middle of October, as I walked through the local shopping mall, I was surprised to hear Elton John's peppy invitation to "step into Christmas."  Afterward, I heard about "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" and "Jack Frost nipping at your nose."  Next, I heard Colbie Caillat declare that "it's Christmas time in the city."  I found it strange to hear these songs, while looking up and seeing visages of murderous clowns on advertisements for a local haunted attraction.  It occurred to me that, in a couple of weeks, children would walk past a sleigh and a giant Christmas tree in search of candy.  "Soon it will be Halloween," I sang in my mind.

It's been said by many people that "Christmas comes earlier each year."  It certainly seems that people start playing Christmas music earlier and earlier.  By now, some of us have been hearing Christmas songs for more than two months.

The songs we hear during the weeks leading up to Christmas are actually quite diverse.  Some are less about Christmas and more about winter weather.  Some are about Christmas celebrations and spending time with family.  Some appeal to a sense of nostalgia for Christmases past.  Some treat Christmas like yet another Valentine's Day.  Some Christmas songs actually tell of the birth of the One for whom the holy day is named.

The songs I've started to appreciate in recent years are those that not only retell the story of the birth of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, but also explore the profound implications of Christ's birth.  One song I've come to love over the last few years is "O Holy Night."  This song began as a French poem written by Placide Cappeau in 1843 titled "Minuit, chrétiens."  The poem was set to music by Adolphe Adam in the same year.  The popular English version of the carol was written by minister John Sullivan Dwight twelve years later.¹

In the first verse of Dwight's version, we hear,

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till He appear'd and the soul felt its worth

If you've tuned into the news lately, then you know that we live in a world full of suffering.  In our sinfulness, we inflict pain upon each other and upon ourselves.  St. Paul wrote in one of his letters that it is as if all of creation groans for redemption.²  The Gospel tells us that God loved this messed-up world so much that God sent God's Son not to condemn us but to give us all eternal and abundant life.³  We are worth too much to God for God to give up on us.  Dwight describes the birth of our Savior as "a new and glorious morn."

In the second verse, we hear,

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger

In all our trials born to be our friend

In the Gospel, we read that Jesus was born in a stable, of all places, and that His crib was a feeding trough, of all things, because nobody had the hospitality to open his or her home to Jesus' earthly parents.⁴  The Son of God, of all people, had a less than auspicious birth.  An early Christian hymn tells us that, when the Son of God took on flesh and blood to dwell among us and walk beside us, He divested Himself of the power and glory that comes with divinity.⁵  The Son of God is not distant from either the beauty or the hardship of being human.  One early Christian theologian described Jesus as a heavenly High Priest who is fully capable of empathizing with us.⁶

In the third verse, we hear,

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Jesus taught us that the most important things we can do is to love God with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.⁷  He modeled self-giving love for us and said that people will know we belong to Him if we follow His example.⁸  Following His lead, we love other people as our own brothers and sisters, and we fight against all forms of oppression, injustice, and exploitation.  Christians hold on to the hope that someday Christ will return to set all things right.  At that time, in Dwight's words, "all oppression shall cease."  No longer will people mistreat each other, and no longer will there be any mourning, crying, death, or pain.⁹

Most retailers and radio stations will have ceased to play Christmas music by the day after Christmas Day.  Christians on the other hand get to enjoy Christmas music for eleven additional days, since Christmas is actually a twelve-day celebration that starts with December 25.  As you listen to Christmas music this season, may you remember what happened in a stable in Bethlehem two thousand years ago, and may you contemplate what it means for all of us.


Notes:

1. Wikipedia: "O Holy Night"
2. Romans 8:22-23
3. John 3:16-17; John 10:10b
4. Luke 2:6-7
5. Philippians 2:5-8
6. Hebrews 4:15
7. Mark 12:28-31
8. John 13:34-35
9. Revelation 21:3-4

The photograph featured in this perspective was provided by Pixabay.com.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Christmas Perspective: Theotokos

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Theotokos

The angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.  And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus.  He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David.  He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”

Luke 1:30-33 (NRSV)

Go, tell it on the mountain

Over the hills and everywhere

Go, tell it on the mountain

That Jesus Christ is born

From "Go, Tell It on the Mountain,"

an African-American Spiritual

At the beginning of the Gospel of Luke, a young woman named Mary meets a messenger of God named Gabriel.  Gabriel says to Mary, "Greetings, favored one!  The Lord is with you."  Mary is a bit surprised to hear this greeting, so Gabriel continues, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.  And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus.  He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David.  He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."¹

Naturally, Mary is a bit surprised to hear Gabriel's news, so she asks Gabriel how she can possibly give birth to a child when she hasn't even lost her virginity.  Gabriel replies, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God."²

In some segments of the Church, Mary is given the title Theotokos, which is a Greek word meaning "God-bearer."³  In other words, Mary is the one who carries Jesus Christ, the Incarnate God, into the world.

At the beginning of the sequel to Luke's Gospel, the Acts of the Apostles, Jesus gathers the Disciples to give them some final instructions.  At this point, He has already been crucified and resurrected, and He is going to ascend to Heaven.  His last words to the Disciples seem to echo what the angel said to His mother decades earlier.  Jesus says, "You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."⁴

If one part of the Bible reminds the reader of a part written earlier, it is quite possibly the author's intent.

The Virgin Mary is empowered by the Holy Spirit to carry Christ into the world.  Thirty years later, the Apostles are empowered by the Holy Spirit to carry the message of Christ throughout the world.  Mary, the mother of Christ, is the one who was bestowed the title of God-Bearer, but, in some sense, we are all called to be God-bearers by carrying the light of Christ with us wherever we go.

The theologian and mystic Meister Eckhart once mused,
We are all meant to be mothers of God.  What good is it to me if this eternal birth of the divine Son takes place unceasingly, but does not take place within myself?  And, what good is it to me if Mary is full of grace if I am not also full of grace?  What good is it to me for the Creator to give birth to his Son if I do not also give birth to him in my time and my culture?  This, then, is the fullness of time: When the Son of Man is begotten in us.⁵

In recent years, many Christians have become angry that people, particularly those who work in retail, have started greeting people with a generic "Happy Holidays" around Christmas instead of a traditional "Merry Christmas."  A few years ago, at a Starbucks in December, I heard a barista call out an order for someone whose name was supposedly "Merry Christmas."  Basically, people were telling baristas that their name is "Merry Christmas" in order to force baristas to say the greeting they wanted to hear.

It is not the job of corporate America to proclaim the good news that the Son of God has come into the world.  That job belongs to the Church, to those of us who have been commissioned by Christ and empowered by the Holy Spirit to carry Christ's message with us throughout the world.

This season, remember that you too are called to be a God-bearer in the world around you.

---

During this season, the pastors at my church are preaching about "Carrying Christ" in the world around us.  Click here to check out the sermon podcast from Travelers Rest United Methodist Church.


Notes:

1. Luke 1:26-33 (NRSV)
2. Luke 1:34-35 (NRSV) [emphasis added]
3. Wikipedia: "Theotokos"
4. Acts 1:8 (NRSV) [emphasis added]
5. http://www.catholicstoreroom.com/category/quotes/quote-author/meister-eckhart-1260-1328/

The Annunciation was painted by Salomon Koninck in 1655.

Christmas Perspective: In Defense of "Mary, Did You Know?"

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

In Defense of "Mary, Did You Know?"

And [Mary] gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in bands of cloth, and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

Luke 2:7 (NRSV)

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know that your baby boy

Will one day rule the nations?

Did you know that your baby boy

Is Heaven's perfect Lamb?

This sleeping child you're holding

Is the great I Am

From "Mary, Did You Know?" by Mark Lowry

Now that Black Friday has passed, we are well into the Christmas shopping season.  By now you've doubtlessly started to hear Christmas music wherever you go.  One song you've probably heard at least a few times is "Mary, Did You Know?" in which the vocalist rhetorically asks Mary, the mother of Jesus, how much she knew about how her Son's life would unfold.  The lyrics to the song were written in 1984 by Mark Lowry, and they were set to music seven years later by Buddy Greene.¹  Since then, this song has been performed by numerous recording artists.

There has been a bit of controversy surrounding this song in recent years.  Some find it condescending, suggesting that, for some reason, the vocalist feels the need to tell Mary things that she already knows.  Some have said that the song smacks of biblical ignorance, suggesting that the Magnificat, the song of praise Mary sings when she is pregnant with Jesus, indicates that Mary did, in fact, know.²

Mark Lowry wrote the lyrics to "Mary, Did You Know?" while he was preparing a Christmas program for his church.  He thought about Mary and sincerely began to wonder how much she knew, as a new mother, about who her Son was and what He would grow up to do.  Lowry once said in an interview,
I started thinking and wondering if Mary realized the power, authority, and majesty that she cradled in her arms that first Christmas.  I wondered if she realized those little hands were the same hands that scooped out oceans and formed rivers.  I just tried to put into words the unfathomable.  I started thinking of the questions I would have for her if I were to sit down and have coffee with Mary.  You know, "What was it like raising God?" "What did you know?" "What didn't you know?"³

When Mary learned that she would soon give birth to a Son whom she would name Jesus, the angel told her, "He will be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give to him the throne of his ancestor David.  He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end."⁴  Basically, the angel told her that her son would be the Messiah, the long-awaited descendant of King David who would save her people and usher in an age of peace and prosperity.  Afterward, Mary demonstrated, when she sang her song of praise, that she knew her son will be the fulfillment of God's promises to her people.⁵

When we read the Gospel, we can see that, as my pastor noted last year, "Mary had more than an inkling about who Jesus was going to be."⁶  As an expectant mother, she knew that Jesus was destined to save His people.  That said, I find it hard to believe that she could foresee every detail of His life mentioned in "Mary, Did You Know?" - that He would give sight to the blind, heal the lame, raise the dead, calm a storm, or walk on water, or that He was actually God Incarnate and the Second Person of the Trinity.

As we read onward in the Gospel story, we see there is a bit of pondering, amazement, and even perplexity on Mary's part.  After Mary had given birth, some shepherds arrived and told her what the angel of the Lord had told them about her Son.  "Mary," we read, "treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart."⁷  When Mary and her husband Joseph presented Jesus at the temple months later, an old prophet named Simeon took the child in his arms and described Him as "[God's] salvation," "a light for revelation to the Gentiles," and "glory to [God's] people Israel."  Mary was amazed by what Simeon said about her Son.⁸  When, at twelve years of age, Jesus was separated from His family after Passover, Mary and Joseph found Him at the Temple of the Lord.  Jesus asked, "Did you not know that I must be in my Father's house?"  Mary was perplexed by His words.⁹

Mary wasn't clueless.  She knew from the beginning that her baby boy would grow up to fulfill a very important purpose.  That said, it is apparent that there were still many surprises in store for her.

Over time, many people came to believe, like Mary, that Jesus was the Messiah.  People had certain expectations about who their Messiah would be and what their Messiah would do, but Jesus did not come to meet any of these expectations.  The people expected a savior who would come bearing a sword.  Jesus came bearing a cross.  I don't think that anyone knew exactly what kind of Savior Jesus is until after He was crucified and resurrected.  A crucified and risen Savior, I suspect, was a surprise to everyone.

Ultimately, the point of the song "Mary, Did You Know?" is not to tell Mary anything she may or may not have already known about her Son.  Mary lived nearly two thousand years before the song was written, and there's no doubt that, by the end of her life, she knew everything the song tells us about Jesus and then some.  The point of the song is to remind us, the listeners, of who Jesus is and what He did.  The Nativity is not just a cute story we remember at Christmas, and Jesus is not just a baby who was born in a stable, wrapped in cloths, and laid in a manger.  Jesus is the Son of God, the Victor over sin and death, and the true Lord of this world.

As you hear "Mary, Did You Know?" and other Christmas songs this season, may you, dear reader, be reminded of who Jesus is and what He did.


Notes:

1. From Mark Lowry's interview with Martha Lyon for AbsolutelyGospel.com
2. Wikipedia: "Mary, Did You Know?"
3. Lowry and Lyon
4. Luke 1:30-33 (NRSV)
5. Luke 1:54-55
6. Jonathan Tompkins.  "Mary, Did You Know?"  Travelers Rest United Methodist Church, 12/02/2018.
7. Luke 2:15-19 (NRSV)
8. Luke 2:22-33 (NRSV)
9. Luke 2:41-50 (NRSV)

Natività was painted by Carlo Maratta in 1655.

Introspection: My Painfully Comfortable Life

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

My Painfully Comfortable Life

I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9 (NRSV)

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

From "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls

I decided at the end of last year that my focus for this year would be to cultivate a sense of self-worth.  Earlier this year, when I started working through a self-help course on dignity, I learned that an important part of self-worth is self-knowledge and that an important thing to know about oneself is what one wants out of life.¹  Two things I've always wanted in life are intimacy and purpose.  I want a companion in life who deeply loves me, and I want a purpose in life that deeply drives me.

Recently I've started to realize that the things I claim I want the most might also be the things that scare me the most.  That said, I might have been a bit off target when I set my focus for the year.

In early September, I saw that Facebook had rolled out a dating app.  Since I already use Facebook, I decided to go ahead and create a dating profile.  For some reason, I would start feeling anxious whenever I worked on it.  I wasn't able to simply switch gears and focus on anything else afterward.  Less than a week after I finished my dating profile, the app started picking out potential matches for me.  I noticed a few women I might have liked to meet, but I was hesitant to express an interest in any of them.  I suppose I was taking a wait-and-see approach, waiting to see if any of them expressed an interest in me.

A few days later, I made a mistake.  I've had a smart phone for a number of years, but I can still a bit clumsy when it comes to touch screens.  As I was looking at some of my potential matches, I accidentally tapped the button indicating that I was interested in one of them.  I panicked.  I still wasn't ready to reach out to anyone, so I looked for a way to undo what I had done.  When I was unable to find a way, I deleted my dating profile, hoping the woman wouldn't notice me.  I figured I could easily recreate my dating profile if I ever wanted to try the app again.

It was then I realized that I have a fear of dating.

I've tried to figure out exactly why I find the prospect of dating so terrifying.  Maybe I'm afraid of being rejected.  Given my track record, maybe I'm afraid that nobody will want to date me.  Maybe I'm afraid that someone will want to meet me and then decide that I'm not enough for her once she gets to know me.  Maybe I'm actually more afraid that I won't be rejected.  Maybe I'm afraid that someone will like me more than I like her and that I'll end up hurting her.  Maybe I fear the excruciating vulnerability that true intimacy requires.  Maybe I'm afraid that a romantic relationship will require too much of me.

Something else that has been bothering me lately is the relatively low number of page views this blog has been getting.  Social media is my primary means of promoting my blog posts, so I started wondering if I've been "shadow banned."  In other words, I wondered if maybe the social media sites I've been using have stacked the deck against me.  I figured I was probably flattering myself to think that the moderators or algorithms that run these sites found me that significant.  If people considered my blog to be worth reading, they would be reading it.

I realized that fear has also been getting in the way of my writing.  I could work harder to promote my blog, but I know that increased readership would invite increased criticism.  I'm afraid that, if I share some of my more controversial thoughts, I'll get my head handed to me by either the "clowns to the left of me" or the "jokers to the right."²

It has been said that "every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets."³  Generally this idea is applied to the business world, but I've started thinking about it in the context of my own life.  I claim that I want a significant other, yet I'm chronically single.  I claim that I want a sense of purpose in my life, yet my job typically feels like a grind.  I constantly lament the loneliness and apparent pointlessness of my life, but I'm starting to wonder if I've "perfectly designed" my life to be as it is.

My problem, I suspect, is that I fear painful things like rejection and failure and that I've structured my life so that I will never have to face them.  My way of life is precisely what is keeping me stuck.  My life is painfully mundane, yet it is predictable and relatively easy.  Many meaningful things in life require risk of some sort.  I'll never have the intimacy and purpose I claim I want in life if I'm not willing to risk rejection and failure.  Intimacy requires vulnerability, and with vulnerability comes a greater risk of rejection.  Purpose brings with it responsibility, and with responsibility comes a greater risk of failure and greater consequences of failure.

I chose to work on my sense of self-worth this year, because I thought that it would give me the confidence to pursue what I claim want in life.  Perhaps what's been holding me back in life is not low self-esteem but rather fear.  I think that self-deprecation might have actually been my way of copping out - my excuse for not facing my fears.  Why should I bother facing my fears if I'm "not enough" in the first place?  What I need to cultivate is not a sense of self-worth but rather courage.  What's scary about cultivating courage is that it requires one to be... well... courageous.  Courage is a virtue that is not possessed but rather practiced.

I can continue playing it safe and go on living a painfully comfortable life, but the restlessness that haunts me will keep coming back because I'm meant for more.

Several years ago, while I was checking out at a store, I noticed that my cashier had some words tattooed on her arm.  I asked her what her tattoo said, and she replied, "Rid me of my fear.  Rid me of my pride."  I thought it was a profound prayer, so I said, "Amen."  Now I see that I too need to be rid of the fear that is holding me back and to be rid of the pride that keeps me protecting myself from risk.  Again I say, "Amen."


Notes:

1. This course on dignity was originally offered free of charge by life coach Steve Austin (catchingyourbreath.com).
2. I'm using phrases from the song "Stuck in the Middle with You" by Stealers Wheel to describe argumentative, opinionated people who are either lot more progressive or a lot more conservative than I.
3. This quote or one like it has been attributed to various people including W. Edwards Deming.

The photograph featured in this introspection has been released to the public domain.  The photographer is in no way affiliated with this blog.

Perspective: Mutual Submission

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Mutual Submission

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:21 (NIV)

---

There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.

Galatians 3:28 (NRSV)

We will walk with each other; we will walk hand in hand

We will walk with each other; we will walk hand in hand

And together we'll spread the news that God is in our land

And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love

Yeah they'll know we are Christians by our love

From "They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love" by Peter Scholtes

I've noticed that certain Christians like to stress the parts of Scripture that seem to privilege them over other people.  For example, a few days ago, a certain married male pastor shared the following verse on Twitter, describing it as a "command" that "stands on its own": "Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord."  He went on to claim that it does not need to be interpreted in light of the surrounding verses.  What this pastor does not seem to acknowledge is that this particular verse from St. Paul's Letter to the Ephesians is actually nestled within a larger discussion.¹

In my study of the Letter to the Ephesians, I've found that, in much of the letter, Paul describes what it means for us as Christians to live together as the Body of Christ.  At one point in the letter, Paul urges his readers to "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ."  He then goes on to describe what this exhortation means for six specific groups of people: wives, husbands, children, fathers, slaves, and masters of slaves.

To wives, Paul writes, "Be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord."  He then writes, "For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior.  Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands."  It is important to remember that Paul is writing in a patriarchal society.  In a patriarchal society, the father is the head of the household, meaning that it could be rightly said that, in such a society, the father is to his own nuclear family what Christ is to the worldwide family called the Church.

To Husbands, Paul writes, "Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..."  If a father in a patriarchal society is to the nuclear family what Christ is to the Church, and if the Church is the Bride of Christ, then a husband needs treat his bride in the same way that Christ treated His.  In the Gospels, we read that Christ washed His disciples' dirty feet,² touched unclean lepers,³ taught that the greatest of all is the servant of all, insisted that His followers were not to lord their authority over others,⁴ sweat blood as He surrendered His own will for the greater good,⁵ and then died a painful and humiliating death on a cross for the sake of the people He loves.⁶

Those actions sound pretty darn submissive to me.

It's worth noting that Paul spills a lot more ink when he is addressing husbands than when he is addressing wives: only three verses are dedicated to wives, while nine verses are dedicated to husbands.  It seems to me that he thinks husbands have a lot more to learn than wives about being "subject to one another."  Some Christian men enjoy harping on about how wives are supposed to submit to their husbands, but, if husbands are required to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, then they are actually called to an even greater level of submission than their wives.

To children, Paul writes, "Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right," and he goes on to remind them of the Commandment to honor their fathers and mothers.  Paul then writes to fathers, "Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."  Notice that Paul is basically saying that not only do children have an obligation to their parents but that parents also have an obligation to their children.

Paul then turns his attention to slaves and their masters.  To slaves, he writes, "Render service with enthusiasm, as to the Lord and not to men and women, knowing that whatever good we do, we will receive the same again from the Lord, whether we are slaves or free."  To the masters of slaves, Paul writes, "Do the same to them.  Stop threatening them, for you know that both of you have the same Master in heaven, and with him there is no partiality."  Again notice that not only do slaves have an obligation to their masters but masters also have an obligation to their slaves.  Furthermore, they are equal before Christ.

Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, instructs his readers to submit to one another and then goes on to describe what Christian submission looks like in a society marked by patriarchy and slavery.  What Paul says to wives, children, and slaves was nothing new.  Wives already knew that they were to submit to their husbands; children already knew that they were to submit to their parents; and slaves already knew that they were to submit to their masters.  What's groundbreaking is what Paul says to husbands, fathers, and masters of slaves.  Husbands and fathers are to submit to their wives and children, and masters are to submit to their slaves.  Paul's point is that Christian submission is not one-sided but rather mutual.

Throughout the years, Paul's words have been wrongly used to maintain patriarchy and slavery, even though they actually laid the groundwork to dismantle such hierarchies.  All of us are equal before Christ.  Where I live, overt forms of slavery have been made illegal, and patriarchy is in the process of being dismantled.  Whatever hierarchies exist in society today, Paul's overall point still stands.  The Church is a family of whom Christ alone is the head.  As Christians, we strive to follow Christ's lead as we submit to one another in love.


Notes:

1. A majority of this passage is based on Ephesians 5:21-6:9.  Quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version.
2. John 13:3-5
3. Mark 1:40-42
4. Mark 10:42-45
5. Luke 22:41-44
6. Matthew 26:47-27:56, Mark 14:43-15:41, Luke 22:47-23:49, John 18:1-19:30

Jesus Washing Peter's Feet was painted by Ford Madox Brown in the 1850s.

Perspective: No Mere Healer

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

No Mere Healer

Then Jesus asked, "Were not ten [lepers] made clean?  But the other nine, where are they?  Was none of them found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"

Luke 17:17-18 (NRSV)

Woe to me, I am unclean

A sinner found in Your presence

I see You seated on Your throne

Exalted, Your glory surrounds You

From "Ruin Me" by Jeff Johnson

In the Gospel of Luke, we read that one day, while Jesus was journeying toward Jerusalem with the Disciples, He was met by ten people with leprosy as He approached a village.¹  From a distance, the lepers yelled out to Him, "Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!"  Jesus said to them, "Go and show yourselves to the priests."  In Jesus' day, one of the duties of a priest was to verify whether or not someone was healed of leprosy.²  When these ten people were examined by priests, they were all found to be free of leprosy.

Nine of the ten lepers were Jewish like Jesus, but the tenth was a Samaritan.  Typically Jews and Samaritans did not get along with each other, but these ten individuals had found common ground in their skin condition, in their shared stigma, and in their isolation from society.³  When the Samaritan was found to be healed of his leprosy, he ran back to Jesus, shouting praises to God.  When he saw Jesus, he threw himself at His feet and thanked Him.

Jesus wondered out loud, "Were not ten made clean?  But the other nine, where are they?  Was none of them found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"  He then said to the Samaritan, "Get up and go on your way; your faith has made you well."

Typically this story is told as a lesson in gratitude, and the Samaritan in the story is lifted up as an example of someone who practices the oft-neglected virtue.  Ten people are healed of a dreaded disease, but only one of them returns to his Healer to say, "Thank you."  The importance of gratitude in a culture of ingratitude is a good lesson to glean from this story.  It is important that we be thankful for the gifts we receive in this life, and it is important that we express our gratitude to the givers of these gifts.  That said, I think that there might be other lessons we can glean from this story.

Notice that Jesus asked, "Was none of them found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?"  The Samaritan did indeed express his gratitude to Jesus, but Jesus called attention not to his gratitude for being healed but to the fervent praise his healing had evoked in him.  Apparently, Jesus was not troubled that nine of the ten former lepers did not come back to thank Him for healing them.  Rather, He was troubled that only one of them was inspired to joyously praise God because he had been healed.

The story of the ten lepers is an example of a story in which the supposed outsider gets the picture, while the presumed insiders don't quite get it.  Earlier in the Gospel, Jesus tells the Parable of the Good Samaritan, in which two "holy men of God" leave an injured man to bleed to death by the side of the road, while a hated Samaritan helps the man, demonstrating what it means to follow God's command to love your neighbor as yourself.⁴

I wonder if maybe the joyous praise of the Samaritan suggests that he realized something about Jesus that the other healed lepers didn't quite understand.  Later on, after Jesus was crucified, resurrected, and taken up to Heaven, the apostle Peter spoke to a large crowd and referred to Jesus as "a man attested to you by God with deeds of power, wonders, and signs that God did through him among you."⁵  The healing of a dreaded disease is amazing in it's own right, but, in Jesus' case, miraculous healings are meant to point to a greater reality, that Jesus was sent by God for a particular purpose.

Still speaking of Jesus, Peter went on to proclaim that "God has made him both Lord and Messiah."⁶  Jesus is not merely a healer.  He is the liberating King who was sent by God to save humanity from all that oppresses us, from the stigma of a skin disease to the fear of death itself.  I wonder if maybe the Samaritan was driven to praise God because he saw past what Jesus did for him and caught a glimpse of who Jesus is, the very embodiment of God's love for us.

I suspect that, for many of us, Jesus is little more than a means to an end - a ticket to Heaven or a name we invoke at the ends of our prayers to get God to answer them.  May we see past what we want Jesus to do for us so that we see Jesus for who He is, our liberating King who is worthy to be praised and followed.


Notes:

1. Much of this perspective is based on Luke 17:11-19.  Quotations from this passage are taken from the New Revised Standard Version.
2. Leviticus 14:2-3a
3. William Barclay.  The New Daily Study Bible: The Gospel of Luke.  2001, Westminster John Knox Press.  p. 258
4. Luke 10:25-37
5. Acts 2:22 (NRSV)
6. Acts 2:36 (NRSV)

The Healing of Ten Lepers was painted by James Tissot in the late 1800s.

Perspective: Spiritual Armaments

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Spiritual Armaments

Put on the whole armor of God, so that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.  For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:11-12 (NRSV)

Ready yourselves, ready yourselves
Let us shine the light of Jesus in the darkest night
Ready yourselves, ready yourselves
May the powers of darkness tremble as our praises rise

From "Until the Whole World Hears" by Casting Crowns

St. Paul uses some militant imagery toward the end of his letter to the church in Ephesus to describe the struggles that followers of Jesus Christ face in the world.  He uses this militant imagery in a rather interesting way, because, as he points out, the battle we face is not the type we generally associate with such images.  He writes that "our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places."

If we follow Christ, then people are not our enemies.  Jesus teaches us that to love God is to love our neighbors as well,¹ and He teaches us to love not only the neighbors we consider friendly but also those we would consider our enemies.²  Since we tend not to love someone we would regard as an enemy, He is basically telling us not to regard other people as our enemies.  Our enemies are not people but rather the insidious, invisible forces that oppress people and pit people against one another.  These evil forces include both the things that torment us individually and also the demonic systems of injustice at work in the world.

The battle we face is spiritual in nature, and for spiritual battles we need spiritual armaments.  Paul instructs us to "take up the whole armor of God, so that [we] may be able to withstand on that evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm."  He goes on to describe the types of armaments we will need for battle.³

The Greek word Paul uses to describe our spiritual armaments, which is translated into English as the whole armor, is panoplia, which was originally the name for a complete set of armaments used by ancient Grecian soldiers.⁴  We typically associate armor with protection, but not all of the armaments Paul describes are defensive in nature.  That said, I wonder if maybe we should be speaking of the "armaments of God" as opposed to the "armor of God."  Perhaps Paul is suggesting that, as followers of Christ, we are not meant to remain on the defensive in our battle against the forces of evil.

Four of the armaments Paul lists are defensive: truth which is compared to a belt about the waist, righteousness which is compared to a breastplate, salvation which is compared to a helmet, and faith which is compared to a shield that can be used to deflect whatever is hurled at us.

The other two armaments on Paul's list enable us to go on the offensive.  For mobility, Paul encourages us to clad our feet with whatever will prepare us to transport the Good News of God's peace.  For a weapon, Paul instructs us to arm ourselves with the "the word of God" which he calls "sword of the Spirit."  I believe that the "sword" of which Paul speaks is not the Bible itself but rather any prophetic message from God given by the Holy Spirit, of which the Bible contains many.  We fight through prophecy and not through violence.  We fight against fear with a Gospel of hope and peace, and we fight against systems of injustice with prophetic messages of liberation.

Jesus once said, "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword."⁵  If you thought that following Jesus would make your life easier, think again.  Following Jesus means loving all people, and loving all people puts us into conflict with the forces that oppress people.  We need not fear the battle, for God offers us what we need to fight.


Notes:

1. Matthew 22:37-40
2. Matthew 5:43-48
3. Ephesians 6:13-17 (NRSV)
4. Mirriam-Webster Dictionary: "Panoply"
5. Matthew 10:34 (NRSV)

The image of the Spartan warrior is public domain.

Introspection: No Longer Untouchable

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

No Longer Untouchable

A leper came to [Jesus] begging him, and kneeling he said to him, "If you choose, you can make me clean."  Moved with pity, Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, "I do choose.  Be made clean!"  Immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean.

Mark 1:40-42 (NRSV)

Unlock your heart

Drop your guard

No one's left to stop you now

From "Anywhere" by Evanescence

In the Gospels we read that, one day early in Jesus' ministry, a man with leprosy approached Jesus.  He knelt down before Him and said, "If you choose, you can make me clean."  Jesus, moved by compassion, reached out to the leper, touched him, and said, "I do choose.  Be made clean."  At that very moment, the man was healed of his leprosy.

This story is seemingly straightforward.  It attests to Jesus' power over things like diseases that oppress humanity.  That said, I think that there are some things happening in this story we might tend to overlook.

Nowadays, the word leprosy describes a specific bacterial infection which is also known as Hansen's disease.  Biblically speaking, the word leprosy is a catch-all term for a number of different skin conditions.  Whether or not these conditions were actually contagious, they were treated as though they were contagious.  People with leprosy were considered unclean, and people believed that coming into contact with someone with leprosy would make them unclean as well.  According to the Book of Leviticus, people with leprosy were required to live outside of town away from people, to wear torn clothing and disheveled hair so that they could be easily recognized, and to announce their uncleanness so that people knew to keep their distance from them.¹

In Jesus' day, having leprosy was a stigmatizing and isolating experience.

People with leprosy bore a social stigma.  The word stigma is defined as "a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person."²  The related word stigmata describes the wounds Jesus received when He went through the humiliating death of crucifixion.  A stigma is essentially the shame one is forced to bear for something bad that happened in one's life.  In the Google Dictionary, the example sentence accompanying the definition of stigma is as follows: "The stigma of having gone to prison will always be with me."³

Social stigmas exist because of lies that society believes about certain groups of people.  These stigmas become internalized when stigmatized people start believing the lies that are told about them.

Lepers bore a stigma that made them untouchable.

So often, when we read about Jesus' miraculous healings, we are so focused on the extraordinary aspects of the healings that we overlook the ordinary aspects.  Don't be so fixated on Jesus' power that you miss what Jesus did when He healed the man with leprosy.  He made it a point to touch him.  I doubt that, as a miracle worker, Jesus had to touch the man in order to heal him.  I suspect that He could have waved his hand over him or simply stood at a distance and commanded him to be healed.⁴

What I find fascinating about Jesus' healing the leper is that Jesus touched a supposedly untouchable man in order to heal him what made him untouchable.  Apparently, He was not at all concerned about becoming unclean, unlike most of the people of His day.  I suspect that, even if Jesus' touch didn't clear up the man's skin condition, the man would have still experienced some kind of healing that day.  A lack of physical touch can be damaging to a person's mental health.  One researcher has even called touch "a sort of species recognition," meaning that a lack of human touch is literally dehumanizing.⁵  If nothing else, because of Jesus' touch, the man with leprosy would have known that he was not untouchable as society had told him.

We experience healing when the lies we've believed about ourselves are proven wrong.  Pursuing this kind of healing requires not only faith but also some vulnerability.

The supposedly untouchable man had to make himself vulnerable to be healed of what made him untouchable.  The religious rules of the day required that the leper keep his distance from people, but, in order to be healed, he had to take a risk by breaking the rules and approaching Jesus.  When he approached Jesus, he said, "Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean."  The man with leprosy was surely aware of the possibility that Jesus might say, "You are unclean.  Stay away from me!"  Instead, Jesus reached out, touched the man, and said, "I do choose.  Be made clean."

Being healed of the lies we believe about ourselves requires some vulnerability on our part.  For example, if rejection in your past has caused you to believe that you are for some reason unlovable, then the path to healing is to drop your guard and to give others the opportunity to see you and love you.  Though you open yourself up to further rejection, people just might be more accepting than you expect them to be.

For many years, I have believed lies about myself.  In fact, I've actually used the word leper in the past to describe how I think some people see me.  As I've noted previously, when I sit down in a coffee shop and someone sitting near me just happens to leave soon afterward, I tend to jump to the conclusion that she left because of me.

A couple of months ago, on a late Tuesday afternoon, I arrived at a bookstore as it started raining.  I purchased a coffee at the cafe, and sat down at a table beside a front window so that I could watch the rain as I wrote in my journal and drank my coffee.  A few minutes later, the woman at the next table, whom I was facing, stood up and began looking for another seat.  I had made the mistake of glancing at her once or twice, so I assumed that she must have left because of me.  I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, so to speak.

I then remembered something that made me realize how ridiculous my thinking was.  Just a few days earlier, I went contra dancing for the first time in several years.  That evening, I danced all eleven called dances, and I had a different partner for every dance.  Not only did eleven different women allow me to be in close proximity to them and to look at them, they actually touched me and allowed me to touch them.  They must not have found me too creepy or repulsive if they were willing to dance with me.

It then occurred to me that the woman at the cafe probably started looking for another seat so that she could sit near an electrical outlet.  She probably needed to recharge her laptop or her phone.  After all, wall sockets cannot be installed in floor-to-ceiling windows.

I've gone dancing five times in the last few months, and I think the experience has been healing for me.  Asking someone to dance requires vulnerability because she might refuse.  Not every woman I asked to dance accepted my invitation, but very rarely have I ended up sitting a dance out.  If we want to be healed of the lies we believe about ourselves, we have to put ourselves in a position to have those lies disproven.  It's scary, because such situations are the same ones we fear will confirm the lies, but I'm not sure there's any other path to healing.  The reward will be worth the risk.


Notes:

1. Leviticus 13:45-46
2. Google Dictionary: "stigma"
3. ibid.
4. See Matthew 8:5-13.
5. Paula Cocozza.  "No hugging: are we living through a crisis of touch?"  The Guardian, 03/07/2018.

Healing of the Leper was painted by Niels Larsen Stevns in 1913.

Sermon: Home in Exile

Delivered at McBee Chapel United Methodist Church in Conestee, South Carolina on October 13, 2019

I share these thoughts hoping they are of help to someone else.

Comments are always welcomed.

If you find these thoughts helpful, please share.

Home in Exile

Audio Version

These are the words of the letter that the prophet Jeremiah sent from Jerusalem to the remaining elders among the exiles, and to the priests, the prophets, and all the people, whom Nebuchadnezzar had taken into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon...  Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat what they produce.  Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.  But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare...

For thus says the Lord: Only when Babylon's seventy years are completed will I visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.  For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.  Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

Jeremiah 29:1, 4-7, 10-14 (NRSV)

I found my home in Babylon

Here in exile

From “Maranatha” by Pádraig Ó Tuama

The 1939 musical, The Wizard of Oz was not the first film to feature the use of technicolor, but the way that technicolor is used is one of the things that make the film unforgettable.  The protagonist Dorothy Gale, who is portrayed by Judy Garland, lives on a farm in Kansas with her aunt and uncle.  On a day that just keeps getting worse, Dorothy longs to escape to a land far away – “somewhere,” one might say, “over the rainbow.”  A tornado approaches, and, when Dorothy cannot get into the cellar, she takes shelter in her bedroom.  There she is knocked unconscious.  When Dorothy emerges from the house, she finds herself in the strange and magical Land of Oz.  The film, which has been shown in black and white up to this point, is now shown in brilliant color.  Dorothy says to her dog, “Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.”¹

If the story of the people of Judah was made into a film, there would be no transition from bleak monochrome to vibrant color when the people find themselves in a land far away.  In fact, the opposite would be much more appropriate.  By the river in Babylon, the people of Judah sat, lamenting the destruction of Jerusalem and seething with rage against their oppressors.  Their captors mockingly urged them to sing the songs of their homeland, but they had already hung up their harps on the willow trees, vowing to never play them again.²  They had lost everything.

---

Dark days have descended upon the Kingdom of Judah.  With the capture of King Jehoahaz in 609 BC, the kingdom became subservient to Egypt.  Pharaoh Necho II installed Jehoahaz's brother Eliakim as a puppet king, changed his name to Jehoiakim, and forced him to pay tribute, which resulted in high taxes for the people.^3 4  A few years later, after a major victory against the Egyptians, King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon attacked Jerusalem.  For the sake of the city, Jehoiakim turned against Egypt and began paying tribute to Babylon instead.  In 601 BC, Nebuchadnezzar's attempt to invade Egypt was thwarted, emboldening a number of nations to rebel.  Jehoiakim likewise stopped paying tribute, and Nebuchadnezzar responded by laying siege to Jerusalem.  Jehoiakim died during the siege, and his eighteen year old son Jehoiachin succeeded him as king.^5 6

In 597 BC, only three months after Jehoiachin ascended the throne, he surrendered to Nebuchadnezzar.  The Babylonians plundered the temple and deported thousands of residents of Jerusalem to Babylon, including most of the royal family, all government officials, all skilled workers, and all soldiers.  Only the poorest of the poor remained in the city.  Nebuchadnezzar installed Jehoiachin's uncle Hamutal as the puppet king of Judah and changed his name to Zedekiah.⁷

Still in Jerusalem, the prophet Jeremiah begins wearing a yoke on his neck around King Zedekiah and other dignitaries to symbolize the figurative yoke that Nebuchadnezzar has placed on Judah and other nations.  He warns them that, if they rebel against Babylon, they will face certain destruction.  Soon afterward, a self-proclaimed prophet named Hananiah removes the yoke from Jeremiah's neck and breaks it in front of the people.  He declares that, within two years, God will break the yoke the king of Babylon has placed on Judah and that the people who have been deported to Babylon will be able to return home.⁸  Jeremiah knows that Hananiah is a fraud, that God will not grant them victory if they rebel against Babylon, and that the deportees from Judah will not be permitted to return for several decades.

Hananiah, with his false claims, has given the people remaining in Jerusalem a false hope that, within a couple of years, everything will return to normal.  Perhaps other false prophets are making similar claims among the people deported to Babylon.  They might be tempted to put their lives on hold and to bide their time until they have the opportunity to return home.  It would not be such a bad plan, as long as they can be absolutely certain that they will return to their homeland relatively soon.

But what if the supposed prophets among them are wrong?  What if the people of Judah will not be returning home within the next couple of years?  What if their lives will not be returning to normal anytime soon?  Then what?

On behalf of God, Jeremiah writes a letter to the deportees to let them know that they will be in Babylon a lot longer than they might have been led to believe.  He encourages them to not put their lives on hold but to instead adjust to their circumstances and carry on with their lives.  He instructs them,
Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat what they produce.  Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.  But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.
Basically, Jeremiah encourages his readers to do the kind of things they would be doing if they had not been deported to Babylon - to make a living, to start families, and to work for the common good.

Jeremiah continues, “For thus says the Lord: Only when Babylon's seventy years are completed will I visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place.”  Though the people of Judah are stuck in Babylon for the foreseeable future, Babylon will someday fall, and the people of Judah will eventually be allowed to return to their homeland.  If they do not carry on with their lives and start families in Babylon, they will die out, and there will be nobody to return to their homeland.

Jeremiah writes his letter at the beginning of a time in Jewish history that is often described as exile.  In one sense, exile is a matter of location, but, in another sense, it is a state of the heart.  Exile could be defined as the disorientation one experiences following a significant, perhaps catastrophic change in one's life.  What one once believed to be true no longer seems to hold up, and what is normal in life has to be redefined.  An experience of exile might follow a relocation to an unfamiliar place, the death of a loved one, an undesirable medical diagnosis, the loss of a job, or a divorce.⁹  You're in exile when you find yourself, literally or figuratively, a “stranger in a strange land.”  You're in exile when you realize, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, that you are “not in Kansas anymore.”

When we find ourselves in a state of exile, we have the same two options the deportees from Judah had.  One option is to wait for our lives to return to normal.  If we choose this option, we run the risk letting our lives pass us by as we wait for a day that will never come.  Sometimes what we hope is a brief interlude turns out to be the next act of the play.  Our other option is to adapt to our circumstances and to move on with our lives.  When our lives are disrupted, we might want them to return to normal, but sometimes what we need is to accept a new normal.  Life goes on, whether or not life goes back to normal.

As difficult at the experience of exile might be, there is hope to be found in the midst of it.  “Surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope,” Jeremiah writes to the exiles in Babylon.  I believe that what was true about the people of Judah is true about each of us.  Wherever we find ourselves, God has a purpose and a plan for us, and, no matter how radically our lives change, God's love for us never changes.

---

I entered into a time of exile a few years ago when I made the decision to leave the church I attended for the first thirty-one years of my life.  Bethel United Methodist Church had played a critical role in my journey of faith, but, before I left, I was growing increasingly unhappy to be there.  The church had given me plenty of opportunities to serve and to cultivate my spiritual gifts.  I regularly took turns teaching Sunday school, and occasionally I had the opportunity to preach.  At the same time, I often felt that my needs as a young adult were not being met there.  Attendance had started to decline long before I was born, and I was often the youngest person in attendance by a rather wide margin.  Because the membership of the church had become so small, I occupied a number of leadership roles I had no business filling.  I watched a number of times as conflicts fractured the congregation and kept the church from succeeding in ministry.

Double-dipping with other churches allowed me to remain faithful to Bethel while meeting my needs that weren't met there.  I occasionally attended early contemporary services at other churches, and I attended a young-adult Bible study at a much larger church for a number of years.  In mid 2015, Bethel was placed on a charge with another church, meaning that the two churches started sharing a pastor.  Because we were sharing a pastor with a larger church, we had to change our meeting time, and the meeting time we chose prevented me from attending services at other churches.  To make matters worse, a number of key members left my Bible study group, leaving me the de facto leader, and I could see that the future of the group was uncertain.  Fearing that I would soon become isolated from my peers, I decided to leave Bethel, to start attending the church where my Bible study group met, and to pour all my energy into that group.

I felt guilty for leaving Bethel.  In search of greener pastures, I had turned my back on the church where, sixteen years earlier on my fifteenth birthday, I stood before the congregation and promised to support the church with my prayers, my presence, my gifts, and my service.  In some sense, I felt that I was divorcing my church, since I was abandoning my vows.  Bethel was not the church I needed it to be, yet I was not sure if I was doing what was right for me or just being selfish.

By the end of the year, the Bible study group I had been leading, which meant the world to me, disbanded.  I wondered if maybe I was reaping what I had sown.  Maybe the dissolution of the group was my punishment for leaving my church.  Maybe I had been abandoned by the community I needed because I had abandoned the community that needed me.  Fair is fair, right?  When it came to church, I had lost everything.  No longer was I teaching Sunday school or leading Bible study, and I wasn't sure that the church I had recently started attending was really a good fit for me.  For a number of years, I had been working to be certified as a lay speaker, and I figured that this journey had also come to an end.  Why should someone who abandoned his church be allowed to preach?

I might have lost everything, but God knew the plans that God had for me.  Six months after I left Bethel, I found my way to Travelers Rest United Methodist Church, and, over time, I found a new home there.  I joined a Sunday school class, and eventually I started taking turns leading the class discussion, as I did at my previous church.  My new class discusses current events in light of faith, so it has stretched me a bit.  I also joined a church Growth Group that meets weekly during various times of the year, and I started leading it as well.  My friends from this group have been a constant source of encouragement to me, and I hope that I have been a blessing to them as well.  In late 2017, I officially became a member of this church.  When I left Bethel, I figured I wouldn't be preaching anytime soon, but surprisingly the leadership of Bethel continued to support me, and for a while I ironically ended up preaching even more than I did previously.  In early 2017, I was finally certified as a lay speaker.

For a moment, I thought that I was being punished by God for my unfaithfulness to my church.  Looking back, I think that maybe God was simply relocating me.  Whether my decisions were right or wrong, God used my actions and the circumstances surrounding them to move me from where I was to where I am today, which I is where I think I need to be.

Jeremiah writes his letter not to an individual in exile but to a people in exile.  The experience of exile can take any size or shape.  I've seen that even churches can go through times of exile.  This sermon originated as a Sunday school lesson I taught at Bethel United Methodist Church less than one year before I left.  I thought that Jeremiah's letter to the exiles in Babylon contained an important message for my church.

Bethel Methodist Church was planted as a mill village church in 1895 by members of Buncombe Street Methodist Church to minister to the people of the Sampson Mill community.  The church's membership peaked at over 400 members in the late 1950s.  In 1967, the mill village was demolished, and around the same time the membership of the church began to decline.¹⁰  As the years passed, the community surrounding the church became very different from the community the church was originally established to serve.  It could be said that Bethel was a church in exile.  Though the church had not changed its location, the church's location had changed around it, leaving the members in a strange land.

In late 2014, as the church anticipated welcoming a new pastor the following year, the Staff-Parish Relations Committee, of which I was a member, met with the district superintendent, the clergyperson who assigns pastors to congregations on behalf of the bishop.  The DS told us that our church had two options.  We could reach out to the surrounding community and be open to radical change, or we could continue to do what we had been doing and inevitably close.  In other words, the congregation of Bethel faced the very same choice as the exiles from Judah.  We could either adapt to our circumstances and seek the good of the surrounding community or die out.  The DS said that it would be a shame if the beautiful building in which our church met fell into disuse and ended up being torn down.

I urged my Sunday school class to heed the words of Jeremiah's letter and to seek the good of the surrounding community, because our future as a church depended on it.  I told them that God still had a purpose and a plan for our church if we would just be open to it.  The mill village was never coming back, but, if we would be faithful as a church in exile, we just might find ourselves at home in the surrounding community, and the people of the surrounding community just might find a home at Bethel.  Unfortunately, the people of Bethel, myself included, never learned to reach beyond the walls of the church, and the church closed in July of 2017.  Fortunately, the remaining members found new church homes, and the building in which the church met was purchased by a relatively new Anglican congregation.

I suspect that a lot of churches are in a state of exile, as Bethel was.  For many churches, attendance has been in decline for a long time, and the world has changed a lot since the churches were in their heyday.  Jeremiah reminds us that we need to seek the good of the places where we find ourselves, even if we find ourselves in some strange places.  Two months ago, at a training event, I heard Rev. Junius Dotson say that we need to stop trying to fix our churches and to start seeing the people around us and start connecting with them.  He shared a number of ways the congregation he leads has sought the good of the community around them.  He taught us that, if our goal is to build up the church, we will fail to make disciples but that, if our goal is to make disciples as Jesus instructed us, we will build up the church.¹¹

---

King Zedekiah eventually made the mistake of revolting against Babylon.  King Nebuchadnezzar responded by laying siege to Jerusalem once again, and the siege lasted at least a year and a half.^12 13  In 587 BC, the Babylonians breached the city walls, captured and blinded King Zedekiah, looted and burned down the temple, razed the city to the ground, and deported many more people to Babylon.  About fifty years later, in 539 BC, the Babylonian Empire was conquered by the Persian Empire.  The exile ended when the Persian king Cyrus the Great allowed the people of Judah to return to their homeland and rebuild.¹⁴

Through Jeremiah, God says to the people in exile, “When you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me.”  Wherever you find yourself right now, whether you are at home or in exile, may you know that you are not alone, for, even when you feel far from home, God is never far away.  May you trust that God's intentions for you are good.  If you find yourself in a place of exile, may you trust that exile is not the end of the story, and may you trust that you will find yourself at home once again, even if it means finding a new home.

Amen.


Notes:

1. Wikipedia: “The Wizard of Oz (1939 film)”
2. Psalm 137
3. 2 Kings 23:31-35
4. Wikipedia “Jehoiakim”
5. 2 Kings 24:1-7
6. Wikipedia “Siege of Jerusalem (597 BC)”
7. 2 Kings 24:8-17
8. Jeremiah 27:1-28:11
9. Shane Hipps.  “Clay Hearts.”  Mars Hill Bible Church, 09/05/2010.
10. https://web.archive.org/web/20141209031619/http://scmillhills.com/mills/american-spinning/churches/
11. Rev. Junius B. Dotson spoke at a Lay Servant Ministries training event hosted by Mount Hebron United Methodist Church in West Columbia, South Carolina on August 3, 2019.  For more information about his work see https://www.seeallthepeople.org/.
12. 2 Kings 24:20b-25:21
13. Wikipedia “Siege of Jerusalem (587 BC)”
14. Wikipedia “Cyrus the Great”

An den Wassern Babylons was painted by Gebhard Fugel around 1920.